Verbally abusive husband. Needing advice

3000pp a month.....that's just over £40 ...a month! I bet he spills more than that in the pub!! Demand at least ten times that amount...or tell him not to waste the visa fee. He can't force you on to a plane..can he.

Better still...tell him to register on here..and tell us his side of the story.

From what you have said (I accept there is 2 sides to every story) I think you will be taking a huge risk moving this relationship forward in coming to the UK, 3000 pesos a month is hardly maintenance.

He no longer needs to do that - there is no record of his Philippine marriage in the UK. He can marry again at will in the UK and for that he can thank Call Me Dave and his Cabinet pals for doing away with the reporting of marriages abroad (which used to create entries in the Register of Births, Deaths and Marriages).

If you are having doubts, then tell him you need more time because you have been arguing lately.

Simple decision really. No point applying to come here at a time when the relationship is not going well.

It could just be a cultural difference thing. When we English are angry we just shout it out. Filipino women have this thing about going into a quiet sulk. And that can be just as annoying to an English man as his shouting can be to you.

I'm not convinced that this is an abusive relationship at all. But there's no point going into this whole visa process unless you both are 100% sure.

Cut your losses, do not come to the UK, if it is true what you are saying then I would not run the risk of verbal abuse turning into physical abuse.

A loving husband does not abuse his wife like that, once in the UK you could become trapped in a abusive relationship.

Assuming your account is true... stay where you are and tell him to get lost. No good will ever come of such a relationship, so waste no more time on it.

Sort out out divorce/annulment etc at a later date, if and when you need to , and with a clear head.

heres an idea---its still a very new relationship--sooo

hold off applying for the visa for a while--remind him its going to cost him £1500 and your flight ticket-----

and suggest he comes over to you for another visit--and see how you feel about each other then

I feel helpless but I just want to wish you good luck. Feel free to talk to us here.

Erica is that him in the profile picture ??

Erica,

Please don't confuse being soft-hearted with being soft-headed.

Somebody who is becoming abusive this early in your marriage should be making all of your mental alarm bells ring. But he might be under considerable pressure which, while no valid excuse for becoming abusive, might be affecting him. He needs to rebuild your trust, and mend his ways. What I would suggest to you is that you explain to him that he has lost your trust, but not your love for him. Tell him that you will need time, and effort from him on his part before you will submit the application. If when you tell him this, he continues to be aggressive and abusive, you know that there is no hope for your marriage. Do not travel to the UK, thinking that everything will be ok. Trust your intuition.

You should find groups of pinay wives who can give you advice and help, both there in the Phils and if and when you arrive in the UK. In the event that you eventually do move to the UK, it would be useful to you to have a network of people to whom you could go to in order to be somewhere safe, should the behaviour return.

At this point, I would suggest as Aromulus said, and keep records of your emails and messages. You might need them in the future.


Where in the Phils are you?

Peter,
I had the same thoughts as you.

Erica,
You have expressed your thoughts here but your husband cannot defend himself. It takes two to tango.
The facts seem to point to an imminent marriage breakdown and, if I were you, I would not apply for the spousal visa or at least both of you should take some time to try to fix your marriage......if you both can.
It doesn't look good, sorry for both of you.

@Erica PM sent i hope this helps you

Please don't go to the UK. He calls you names like that, he sounds really scary.

Erica, im so sorry to hear what you goin through, your man doesn't respect you, i don't know if you call this LOVE,
if i were you, i choose to stay HOME in the Philippines and you are at peace and safe,rather than coming to UK and hearing his bad mouth and disrespectful words, he treated you already like that how much more when you are here..just saying,
but if you want to take the risk it's all up to you... we are here to support you.

Not half as scary as some of the things I have heard Filipinas call their foreign husbands when I was over there.
Filipinas are very placid most of the time but step out of line and their Asian blood will boil in a second and the man has to be very agile to duck away from the plates hurtling towards him.

My understanding was that Thai women are the scary ones. Some Filipinas get jealous but Thai women go bonkers when they're pissed.

I worked in Asia for years alongside many men with Asian wives and girlfriends, HaloHalo.
I knew about the short fuse back then......and jealousy too......stand back!

Maybe in a strange way the fact you are so dependable (I see that btw in your posts) gives reason for that jealousy, if you get what I mean.