thanks much Timmers.. Just looking for somewhere to read some thoughtful thoughts that maybe "same" to what I am experiencing ... thank you for the warm welcome
I want to know is it usual or casual? or acceptable? swearing words like ****, ****, numpty, bitch etc here? Is it also alright or acceptable if a guy talks to his ex regarding the problems we are currently facing? Just I want to know
we are fairly liberal as regards colourful language on here-----but some words are automatically deleted as you can see already.. as regards your guy talking your problems over--its surely better if he talks to you--isnt it ?
apologies for those words I've forgotten they are not allowed.. thank you for the reminder.. I am trying to be open minded as I can be.. Yes I would appreciate if he talks to me however the most I get when I try to open up is that he places his hand on my face and he just swears.. I am still on the process of getting used to accept the swearing words and name labels he said...
I am really dismayed and felt betrayed when I came here and discovered loads of things... And the way he openly says that whenever we have misunderstandings it is to his ex that he confides too.. When I try to talk to him so I can atleast understand why, he doesn't give an answer... And this thought is slowly eating the trust I have on him..
You can provide more details on your situation and how your guy has perhaps changed in his behaviour, but we can only advise, no specialist relationship experts here I'm afraid.
I came here last September 09. We were married in the Philippines. He visited thrice in the Philippines before then. He met my parents/family too and so the closest of my friends and former colleague before. I am under a spouse visa. He is divorced. I am a single lady when I met him. No children. And about to take sign a contract of work abroad as a nurse however my dreams of wanting to have a family, I prioritize. I love him because I've seen we are similar in so many things. We use to write poetry together. Misunderstandings I know is usual to a relationship but not to the point where swearing words as well as threats of ending a relationship is classified as a joke. I understand that aside from the cultural differences that we have, there is also the getting to know when you are both in one roof.... When I came here, Im usually left alone on the flat, doing all the housework which I have no complaints of. Hence, I was so eager to look for work or anything that could occupy time. Then, I have discovered how much time he usually just like to sit down, open his laptop and do betting online, say openned around 9am then finishes when he goes to sleep. He doesn't help with the housework which is just I do not mind. He often drinks wine mostly during weekend where he can finish 2bottles of chardonnay or sometimes more. One time we have understanding, he walked out and phond me past midnight to assist him to walk... He says loads of swearing words when I made a mistake or label me with names which I do't know why... Even at times when we have misunderstanding, he says im stupid in public and shout at me... When I told him, I was never treated like that before he said sorry but still he does. I have been honest in admitting to him that though I understand loads of English words and easily can understand different accents, this does not mean to say I know all the collective meaning of one word or more. There are expressions or figure of speech he uses at times that I truly can not understand and he doesn't believe. oftentimes, he accuse me of being pretending to be ignorant. When misunderstandings came, he always threatens to end our relationship. This hurts much then later when he sees me crying he will say i must get use to these jokes. I have my miscarriage last october17 probably of the many anxieties and insecurities.... I saw him cry with me in the hospital but at times when I remember this and can't help but cry again he gets irritated and says am a drama queen.
It is last February this year that finally I have a work, I thought it will be better as sometimes amidst our misunderstanding. oftentimes, he mention I am not here if its because him. However, I stood in my ground telling him: never in my mind or in my dreams that I will be here. He being here as my husband and the desire to have a family of my own are the reasons I am here. one time he came to a point of beating me because he was drank, I was so scared I e-mailed the police. None of my family knows what has been happening since am here. My reason is to protect what we have and the most for them not to worry. Not until last April that I have openned it to my mother and sister back home because I could not contain anymore especially when I have known it is to his ex that he confides what is happening to us.. he compares me to his ex too at times. As much as I want to go on, slowly slowly, things that he doesn't want to answer or avoids to answer is slowly eating the trust that I have and the love that I am feeling...
It doesn't sound like your relationship is where it should be, it would be of comfort to you if you had a local friend to confine in.
