hi im a new member im happy i found this group to ask for advice or any information that i might need in the future. Im just wondering if any pinay get depress here in uk even after 2 years of living here. Ive been here in uk for almost 3 years now and just got my ILR feb this year. I am a full time mummy and wife. Since i arrive here i never work. I wanted to work or go college but My husband dont want me to coz he wants to have a baby. So after 4 months of being here i got pregnant. I gave birth nov 2010 to my son who is 18 months now. I never have allowance from hubby which i think is my fault too. He asked me as soon as i arrive here how much allowance i want but i said i just want to have a lodger instead so he dont have to give me allowance coz he is also sending my family of 8000 pesos per month and i feel shy that he has to give me as well. So even if i dont have lodger i dont have money for my self even a penny. Then my husband sold his old bike and gave me the money to start selling in ebay which is my source of money now, but then i still have to send money home plus hubby sends home as well. I just get depress. Sometimes i feel like i am just a maid here and a source of money to my family in philippines. I cannot go out to town and buy my self clothes or eat ith my friends coz i dont want to spend. I go out every weekend with hubby and son and buy clothes in charity shop which he pays. I feel like if i go to debenhams or proper shops im not allowed to choose any clothes. I feel if i will buy shoes im not allowed to buy shoes tha twill cost more than £10. I am so fussy with shoes and one time ive been to lots of shops and i found one i like in river island which is £28 and he just dont stop nagging me. He said he dont believe in buying expensive shoes. When all my shoes are just £10 sometimes even less. My sales is doing alright only if i wont send home then i will have money for my self. I dont have big profit and send it home as well so i just end up no money at all. I feel like i shouldnt go out and treat my self coz i have to send home and sometimes i planned i will just treat my self next month but then there is another expenses, its just dont end . I feel so depress my friends will sometimes invite me to go out and go shopping and i say no coz am scared to go out and will see something i will like and will just tease my self. Its like i am here to cook, clean, earn a bit of money and send home. I have no luxury at all. i am sorry for moaning here ,Am i being greedy? or am i having a post natal depression? if so please tell me as it just makes me unhappy.
Hi elshe, welcome to the forum.. It sounds to me like you need a change in lifestyle from what you currently have, to one where you are earning your own money and able to spend some of that on those few little luxuries that you crave. the good news is that you have friends already which is something many fellow Pinays in the UK spend a long time without.. Most people who sell on ebay make pocket change, nothing that they can live on. as I think you are finding out for yourself, so unless you start importing cheap items and selling them on at a big markup, little money will be made doing that. Now that you are a mother and a housewife, does your husband still object to you wanting to find work? Have you told your husband how you feel? Perhaps consider a college course to get you out of the house, keeping busy but developing new skills?
Hi Elshe and to the forum Its quiet possible you are depressed ,an 18 month old is a full time job, you also say several times "coz i have to send home" why do you feel that ? Your hubby is sending a regular amount and in addition you are sending all your spare money to the point you feel bad rather than good, it might make me depressed to. Sending monthly payments that are not linked to specifics like school or courses that will bring local income create dependance and there is no end to what can be consumed Take a month off and spend it all on shoes and see how you feel then talking to your hubby is also a good idea
I am glad that elshe has made this post. In 2002 I was diagnosed as suffering from chronic depression. My condition was indescribable - apart from the stigma of having to say to people -'I have a mental illness' - which, for some people is hard to believe. I took anti-depressants - which made me even worse!!!!!! Anyway - recovered to a certain extent - apparently one never does fully recover. I am now going to grit my teeth and say that my illness has returned!! I am living in the Philippines - I have a beautiful wife - we are living a (fairly) comfortable life - what, I hear you ask, could I be depressed about? Answer - I don't bloody know!!! All I know is that at the moment - I do not want to wake up in the mornings - it is the most terrible illness I have ever suffered. I hope you all can understand. I shall try to stay 'cool.' Al. P.S. Apologies for hijacking this thread!
Al, you've not hijacked this thread. I am sure all of this also helps elshe. In 2005 I was misdiagnosed with depression, I say misdiagnosed as it was shortly after my mother had died and I was going through issues of the heart that we all tend to go through (women, eh).. Took anti-depressants for about 3 days before I threw them away, went on a five month bender and generally a bit of soul searching in the process as well. But I did not suffer real depression! Depression has affected people I know and care about and can be triggered by little or sometimes seemingly nothing at all, but the effects can be devastating. The word "depression" is far too often misused by people who describe their state of mind for a particular day or week. I mean, I am depressed every Monday morning when I have to get up for work, but then everyone could say that. I am no expert.. But I think with elshe it is similar to my mindset in 2005. At that time I was unhappy for a number of reasons. My mother had passed away recently, I had latched onto a woman who was abusing the "friendship", I was unhappy with work for reasons relating to my home and love life.. Basically, though I didn't want to at that time it took a complete change in my life (change of job and home) before I felt better in myself. Identifying what it was that was making me unhappy and making the changes needed to see if the grass was greener on the other side of the fence. For elshe, I think identifying what makes her unhappy and then making some changes to her life would benefit her most. I am not one to quickly suggest seeing a doctor because they are limited with respect to what help they can offer. Often it is the support of family and friends or even a good listener such as a counsellor or even a psychiatrist who can suggest a way forward. Al, Keith said you need to get out of there? Well, perhaps making moves to get back to the UK with Hanna might help you there. But again, with chronic depression that can be easier said than done. Though I hope that when I get Joy over here she can go shopping with Hanna and stuff like that.. I am also keenly aware that when Joy does eventually come over it is very likely she will be saddened by her leaving Cebu. Though her life is by no means amazing, she does enjoy the odd day out with friends; friends who will be left behind when she comes to the UK! We all know of many women who suffer when they get to the UK and I hope to lessen that with Joy, but ultimately Joy will suffer from the boredom and home sickness common amongst immigrants. I just have to be there to support her through that time..
Keith and Sean - thanks for your comments - greatly appreciated. I must now try and convince Hanna that my moods are not so much to do with me as my illness! I wonder if she will believe me! Al. P.S. Just realised I have hijacked another person's thread again!!!!!! A thousand apologies elshe!!
So sorry to hear you are depressed, but no one can help you but yourself, it does help to ask people's opinion but in the end you have to decide. What you should do is to talk to your husband frankly and tell him how you feel! There's no point keeping it to yourself as you will be more depressed because you can't voice it out! You are his wife you have right to demand what is it you really want! If he can't give it I'm sure he will tell you the reason! I wonder if you are anywhere near where I live, only if you are interested I am getting rid of many stuff in my house as I am moving to join my husband abroad. If you don't mind I have so many small little things you might enjoy selling on eBay! it may help to cheer you up a bit if you can have and additional source of income. I am leaving in a month time so let see if you are near otherwise, I will call charity to collect them from my house. You can bring your husband or friends if you wish if you are doubtful I would understand! Oh! Smile naman dyan it's not the end of the world! I am just happy if I can make someone happy even in a small thing I can do for people, it's a lot of thing for me to share the blessings I am receiving! God bless!
Oh! Well, charity van came today and I gave most everything already! :cheer: Feel so stressed no help from the children, did most of the packing! I hate moving but I have no choice!
that is completely normal..im one of those people who get depress as well..so you are not alone at all almost 3 years now that am here as well.. but those depression dont let get into you as its not good as well find someone to talk with or any hobbies that will interest you..youll soon get over too believe me..i was the same ,,i been there as well so i know exactly how you feel..it is difficult yes..but again..dont let get youmost of all keep smilin:vhappy:
