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A thread of "classic cross cultural mistakes" to help others avoid them...

Discussion in 'Culture and Food' started by Methersgate, Jan 3, 2017.

  1. oss
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    oss Tech Guy Staff Member

    The Scottish mother of my eldest daughter eventually gave me this explanation, as one of the main reasons she could never marry me, that I was not a man's man, not hard enough, not tough enough, too ready to say sorry, too ready to be fair.

    She had in fact changed her mind three times over three years regards marrying me after agreeing to marry me, and there eventually was the simple reason why, this was back in the mid 1980's.

    I grew up around women, my playmates were mostly the (slightly older) girls that lived in our tenement building, they liked dropping me head first off the wash house roof and the dykes that surrounded our gardens but I digress.

    The Tampo that I had to live through regularly was because I was trying desperately to keep some small cash available for us when we were two weeks from payday, I am talking about sitting there with £20 left in total and 14 days till a wage.

    When the woman that is supposed to be your partner has regularly gambled away everything you have and everything you worked for while you are still trying to keep food on the table for your children and a roof over their heads, then you become a little bit intolerant when it comes to Tampo, I should have gotten out of the situation 10 years ago but I didn't because I care for my children and I cared for her and the rest of my extended family.

    I'm not fully out of it yet, but Tampo is no longer an issue although there is now a very clear and direct lack of 'Lambing' on the part of this particular man.
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2017
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  2. HaloHalo
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    HaloHalo Administrator Staff Member

    I learned about lambing very early on in my relationship with asawa. It seems (from what ive read and heard) that Pinoys are generally better than us foreigners at lambing. Maybe one of the ladies can concur if this is the case or not?
  3. Bootsonground
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    Bootsonground Well-Known Member


    First rule of falling in love with a Filipina ... Be God damned sure they love you in the same way right back!!!
    My Father was in a relationship much like yours after a sad divorce from my Mum and a good few women after...
    And then ..enter, Filipina from hell..
    He died not long after his 55th birthday and I have always regretted the day he met her because if he had not he would probably have been with us to this day.
    Had he not met her,we would not have experienced bankruptcy which left me stranded in Manila for almost 3 years penniless looking after my half sister alone in 1985..
    Had he not ,I`d probably not be living here in my personal paradise living in a marital bliss with our kids..
    Every cloud has a silver lining if you choose to learn from life`s experiences and from past mistakes...
    Move on..Stay positive. Life is what we make it..
    Bahala ka jan.
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  4. Bootsonground
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    Bootsonground Well-Known Member


    Now you got me ROFLMAO big time!!!!
    Sorry!!
  5. oss
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    oss Tech Guy Staff Member

    Her problem is gambling, when she isn't ruining every moment of her own life she is a very sweet, loving and loveable woman, I just ran out of patience when 50,000 went down the toilet on the same day that the UK committed currency suicide.

    My children pay the price of her gambling every day that they are alone without their mother, I have not paid for any of it for over 4 years, that 50,000 was her excuse to get away from the kids, as she would have to go abroad to work off the debt. She finds being a mother too stressful and she can only cope for so long.

    Probable diagnosis 'Narcissistic personality disorder' it fits and it is sad for all concerned.
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2017
  6. HaloHalo
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    HaloHalo Administrator Staff Member

    Haha I was talking specifically about lambing. I know about other Pinoy traits and they have been discussed many times on the forum especially fidelity. You seem to think its not the case then boots. Maybe I hadnt read widely enough but Id still like to hear it from a womans perspective.
  7. Bootsonground
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    Bootsonground Well-Known Member

    My Filipina step mother was the Mother of all gamblers..
    She once gambled her mothers provincial house and land in a game of Mahjong..
    One morning she came home completely dejected because she won 25K at the casino because she put it on the cistern and accidentally flushed it down the casino carzy..We owed 7 months rent and we were being physically threatened by the landlord...Stress!!
    5 nights a week was Casino night.
    100`s of other stories about that Bitch..
    I`m reliably informed by my sister that she is a drug pusher in London these days..
    Karma sometimes takes a little longer than I would wish...It`ll kick in though..Sure as eggs are eggs.
  8. oss
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    oss Tech Guy Staff Member

    I never invested in property of any kind that could ever be at risk.

    Mine, she has never ever walked out of a Casino with more than she walked in with, normally she will have lost everything she had when she walked in, she will then have borrowed 10 or 20 times what she walked in with from the ever present sharks, eventually she walks out with a massive problem, I stopped buying her jewellery 10 years ago, and later I only ever got her second hand electronics off eBay the pawn shops are quite picky these days and they don't like stuff that is not current fashion.

    She can go 18 months between episodes but it will never stop and I'm not prepared to be blackmailed with the ever present threat of the Casino if I step out of line or say the slightest thing to upset her.

    So I will not be returning to the Philippines for a very long time sadly, and when I do go back it will be on my terms.

    Karma she believes in Karma, I don't.
  9. Bootsonground
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    Bootsonground Well-Known Member

    They will twinkle their eyes, smile and then charm the birds out of the sky and you my friend will fall to your knees....
    Stay the fack away... For ever and a day!!
  10. oss
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    oss Tech Guy Staff Member

    No Boots, I am well past that stage of my life, I can sit in a pub and read a book lost in my internal world, did it for 40 years, I spent my entire adult life living alone it is nothing new for me, and is in fact something I like, I will not be returning for any kind of relationship but simply to while away my later years somewhere that I like, and I have learned enough in my time there to not to make the mistake of offending anyone, I know my place.

    I will return for my children, and the odds are that their mother will not be there, I have never experienced any abuse from anyone else in the family they have generally been apologetic about her behaviour.

    Oh I forgot, I won't be returning as long as Duterte is in power.
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  11. Timmers
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    Timmers Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    Out of control gambling often leads to the family life being eroded away slowly but surely, my wife told me that her father used to gamble the money away that her mother was earning in Saudi, the father was a regular in the casinos of Manila until he smashed his car up drunk on the way home from the casino, it was at that point he ceased to gamble. Gambling is like any other addiction, the addict tries to hide things from the family and cannot be trusted fully, the people that lose out most are the family members as you well know. A very sensitive issue with no easy fix.

    Her father had chinky blood in him and I know from experience that it is a common trait of the Chinese and the South Koreans to have a strong tendency to gamble, why that is I don't know.
  12. oss
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    oss Tech Guy Staff Member

    Can't be trusted period, there is no amount of time that can pass that can rebuild that trust, the children however don't know any better and really don't understand what is happening.
  13. Timmers
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    Timmers Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    There are only losers in a situation like this, the kids being the biggest losers, hopefully they are oblivious to what is going on but its only a matter of time before they feel the effects.

    I know my father in laws gambling caused nothing but hassle both financially and emotionally, the mother of course forgave him as only Filipinas do even though womanising was part of his gambling nights out. Of course my take on it was to say to my wife "why didn't she just kick him out?" but life isn't as simple as that as we know especially when there are young children to take into consideration.
  14. oss
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    oss Tech Guy Staff Member

    They have been feeling the effects for eight years at the very least, she has walked out on them time after time after time, to go and earn to pay for the losses, I tried to make it impossible for her to come back at Christmas but she managed it and will now be leaving again if she hasn't left already.

    I have not spoken directly to the family for six months because I won't let her manipulate me though the children anymore, that alone is a terrible price for the kids to pay, if I do speak to them I will inevitably end up perpetuating the argument between her and me for them to see in all its hideous glory and as a child who lived with constant parental discord I simply can't do that to them, even though my solution is not a lot better than the alternatives.

    I am in a race against time now a race that involves saving for my future and theirs, it is a race that I hope I can win.
  15. Timmers
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    Timmers Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    I know its something you can well do without, if it was just the two of you then you cut the ties and you forget in time, throw children into the mix then that means you are dealing with the ex for the rest of your life.

    You're a very sensible and smart chap Jim, I'm sure that the cards you hold you will play well, its the cards held by the ex that you have no control over and that's the hardest part.

    Like you I am trying to save for the future, its almost like I woke up about a year back and realised that I have a limited high earning period left in my life. I was saying to the wife only last week that at best I can only continue in my current employment for another three years (till 60 yrs old), after that the job may prove too physical especially if I don't look after myself and get my weight down. I am going the cash in bank route as opposed to banging it into a pension, problem is, something always seems to come along and **** your plans up :)
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  16. HaloHalo
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    HaloHalo Administrator Staff Member

    I for one hope you get there.
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  17. uklove
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    uklove Active Member

    Really sad to read the stories on here.
    I hope everything has or will work out for the best.
    Good luck to you all.
  18. knightstrike
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    knightstrike Active Member

    And the reason your Filipina step-mother came to know your father was because of my father divorcing her third wife which caused the hotel where your step-mother works at to close down. Following that, your step-mother had to find work elsewhere which is how she met your father. Which is also about the same time my father met my mother.

    I heard the story mate. Hahahaha...

    Cause and effect. Butterfly effect at work!

    And if those things didn't happen, I would not have been born. And you wouldn't have been stranded in the Philippines, and then would not have allowed you to have your own personal paradise with your your-now wife and kids.

    There's always silver linings in everything. Hahahahahaha...

    --------------------

    Back to the topic, the 'he-she' reference.

    So when you hear your wives saying about a certain 'he', don't automatically assume they are cheating. There is no 'he-she' identifier in the Filipino language.

    Everything is 'siya' or that 'person.'
    Last edited: Jan 8, 2017
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