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Am I Crazy?

Discussion in 'Personal Discussions' started by Davidshush, Mar 21, 2016.

  1. Timmers
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    Timmers Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    I think we can all understand why, must have been a bit of a kick in the goolies for him reading our not so positive comments.
    • Agree Agree x 1
  2. graham59
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    graham59 Well-Known Member

  3. CapasPaul
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    CapasPaul New Member

    You have to bear in mind that he has dedicated 5 years of his life to this girl. He is probably sincere and honourable with his his intentions, but has been hopelessly naive. The reality check could be a shock.

    I think most of us can probably work out what the girl has been doing in this 5 year period. She's been busy with her English chatmate (remarkably so considering the lack of progress/money from the guy) but when the chat session ends, this girl has most likely been getting on with her life. Whether that means conversing with her 8 other chatmates or going out with her barangay friends, who knows? But it's highly unlikely that she has been sat at home all this time and only thinking of sweet David from England.

    By not having any boots on the ground experience of the Philippines, he just has little idea as to how things carry on in that country.

    I do sympathise. I made stupid mistakes in my 20s with a Canadian girl. I devoted a lot of emotion to the 'relationship' before I realised I was pissing in the wind. I was emotionally very immature. I grew up very quickly after that (1o years too late, but nevermind).

    I do hope David does reply at some point. Even if it's only to tell us that we don't understand and his girl is different, it is common courtesy on the net to at least make one follow up response.
    • Like Like x 1
  4. CapasPaul
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    CapasPaul New Member

    ....

    dupe post.
  5. Pobreng Englishera
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    Pobreng Englishera Active Member

    It's so sad. I'm sorry. :cry:
  6. Davidshush
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    Davidshush New Member

    Thank you all so much for taking the time to read and reply. Sad news that some of you predicted. Today I pushed a little and found out what is the closest thing to truth.

    5 Years ago I start to chat with her and we hit it off. I never felt good enough for her but made it clear if she ever felt more for me just to let me know and we could arrange something. I always asked her about her romantic situation as if she ever told me she was into someone I could quietly fade away and let her get on with finding happiness.

    So year 1 she meets at least 1 other guy(Canadian I believe) and a Japanese guy(who she has sex with). Year 2/3 she meets a guy she confessed to being in contact with today called John. They have been chatting just like me and her for the past 3 years. John is 37, married, works abroad(currently in Germany), has everything that I don't basically. So yeah. My pipe dream just exploded.

    John has been sending her a little money here and there but I don't see how he hasn't managed to get a divorce in 3 years. Anyway, I read the situation as she wants him but she didn't want to tell me about him because it would "upset me". Indeed it has. Today, without question, has been the worst day of my life...so far.

    So right up until today I actually got planning a trip to the Philippines and was going to write a different reply message about how I'd be lurking around the other parts of the forum. Part of me wants to go and rush into another relationship with another girl from the Philippines just to say a big "FU" to this girl, but I know that'd be another mistake. And even after all this I'm still unable to stop myself from wanting to be with her. What a gut kick.

    Thanks again for the replies, I wasn't expecting so many. I guess sometimes love really is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
    • Like Like x 1
  7. ChoiAndJohn
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    ChoiAndJohn Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    Hi David. Chin up and look on the bright side. You never met this woman and you fell in love with an idea. Given what you wrote, you're frankly better off without her. Count your lucky stars. If I was you, I would go get a relationship with a real woman in the UK and forget about it. Plenty more fish in the sea. :)
    Last edited: Mar 24, 2016
  8. Davidshush
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    Davidshush New Member

    Thank you. Easier said than done. This girl was so amazing and cute...I can't believe the situation has turned so many times since about 3/4 weeks ago. It went from me telling her I wanted more, her telling me she felt the same(and always had!) to me being left with nothing but a diseased brain that can't stop thinking of something which causes immense pain and displeasure.

    The idea of being with someone else does appeal, but I feel it would only be to take my mind off this other girl so would be unfair to whoever would be silly enough to accept me.
  9. ChoiAndJohn
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    ChoiAndJohn Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    come on now fella you're selling yourself short. These things happen and it always gets better. Things will look different after a few weeks. About six years ago, I lost my wife, child, house, job and both parents. I got through it and so will you. You've got plenty to offer the right person. Youre only young and you just haven't found her yet. I suggest you get out there and join a club, get hobbies and forget about women for a month or three. It will be fine.
    • Like Like x 1
  10. yuna
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    yuna Cat Lover Staff Member

    Having someone as a 'rebound gf' is a bit unfair. Try to heal yourself first. Love comes when you least expect it. :)
    • Like Like x 2
  11. BlueberryCheeseCake
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    BlueberryCheeseCake Member Trusted Member

    Hello David, it is very sad and I'm sorry for what happen. Having a broken heart is the hardest thing you could ever feel ,can't buy any med for that . You are right ,you can't just pick anyone along hoping it will patch the hole of your pain. That is unfair to the other side . You will be fine and as the day goes by it's the lesson from this experience that matters . I believe in destiny ,if its meant for you it will be. You will find your "the one " in unexpected way and time just be patient . She will come in the right time .... Good luck and God bless you David
    • Like Like x 2
    • Agree Agree x 1
  12. Davidshush
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    Davidshush New Member

    The problem is I have things that remind me of her all over the place. Pictures on my phone, songs on my MP3 player(which I use for my night job), I even lost about 2 stone keeping her in mind. And now I have to contend with the thought of some married guy doing all the things I wanted to do with her. A married man...I can't believe it. It took me 2 years to get over my last relationship. This one we didn't meet, but it felt so much stronger. And so does the pain. I feel so stupid.
  13. BlueberryCheeseCake
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    BlueberryCheeseCake Member Trusted Member

    Well best thing to do is get rid all the things that remind you of her and get yourself busy . You will just waste your time thinking of her and sulking in the corner while she didn't even give a care of how you feeling right now . It's time for you to start your new day , get out its a lovely day today ...:)
  14. Davidshush
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    Davidshush New Member

    I haven't slept for almost 3 days. I just went out for a brief 10 mile cycle around some farmland. I haven't eaten for a while...I just can't function. Is that normal? I know keeping busy is good but every time I stop for even a second...it's more than enough for a thought of her to creep in. And she still insists she loves me & would like to meet me, so I ask about the other guy and she says she wants to meet him too. Crazy.
  15. ChoiAndJohn
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    ChoiAndJohn Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    Well, I know it's not easy, break ups always feel like that- but it goes away.

    Frankly she's made it clear where her priorities lie so you don't have much option but to deal with it. As @BlueberryCheeseCake said, clean out your phone, get rid of the pics and music and try and distract yourself. Get yourself out and about this weekend. Go out with some friends.

    And besides, don't lose sight of the fact that you never actually had a relationship. You had the dream of one, perhaps the promise of one. But it was in your mind. You fell in love with an idea. And it became a habit. And habits are hard to let go of.

    You're better off without her if she's the sort of woman that is capable of behaving like that. You would be a damn sight more miserable if you had married the woman, invested ten years of your life in her, and then she had an affair and took you for every penny you had. You've had a lucky escape and it could have been a lot worse.
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    • Agree Agree x 1
  16. Timmers
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    Timmers Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    We have all been there, it gets easier as time goes by, in time you will be able to dust yourself down ready for another relationship, but next time you will have experience behind you.
  17. ChoiAndJohn
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    ChoiAndJohn Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    Well.. There are two ways of looking at the above:

    1. She's messing with your head and doesn't care about your feelings. So stop talking to her and get on with your life.

    2. She's conflicted and confused. So give her an ultimatum. Either she speaks to you and meets you alone and exclusively and cuts all contact with the other guy, or, you cut her off for good and again get on with your life.

    It's up to you whether you trust her enough and what you do. But I seriously wouldn't put up with being messed around like you are being right now. There are hundreds of thousands of cute Filipina women (and cute British women) out there. You can always find another one.
    • Like Like x 2
    • Agree Agree x 1
  18. Timmers
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    Timmers Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    If I was you I would make a real effort to go and see her as soon as possible, that way you will get all this built anxiety out of your system and you will discover the truth behind the young lady.

    What's eating you up is the fact of not knowing.
  19. CampelloChris
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    CampelloChris Well-Known Member

    Hi David,

    I was on the rebound when I went online, from a Spanish girl who I like to think couldn't make her mind up. (The truth probably is that she had already made her mind up.)

    And that seems to be the case with you. Your Filipina decided long ago that she didn't see you as a permanent partner, and carried on the online friendship, possibly to keep you in reserve in case everything else became FUBAR, maybe because she didn't see it as an important relationship, and therefore one that needed the formality of an ending, or maybe because she just isn't a very nice person.

    Either way, you fell off the bike and your knees are grazed. It's going to hurt for a while, but it isn't the end of your world.

    Best thing to do IMHO is to go online - if you are looking specifically for a Filipina, or out into the open air if not. Don't spend time considering whether someone is marriage material - just speak with them as friend material.

    You seem to lack confidence and self-esteem, and yet you come across as someone erudite, literate and intelligent. Maybe you should concentrate on the aspects of you that ARE attractive to others, and not those which you feel make you inadequate in some way.

    We all have our faults and shortcomings, and so does every woman you meet, believe it or not. You appear to be one of those guys who puts a woman on a pedestal - just as disfunctional as considering a woman to be inferior. Women fart and burp and pick their nose when they think you aren't watching, (although I would try to avoid anyone who did all three simultaneously)

    You just have to find one who will decide that your good points far outweigh your bad ones. You aren't in an interview. Just relax. Consider every woman you meet as an opportunity to hone your interpersonal skills, and develop a friendship, so that you don't screw it up when your 'half an orange' (as the Spanish call it) finally does turn up. Not everyone will be as judgmental about you as you appear to be.

    Best wishes
    • Agree Agree x 1
  20. BlueberryCheeseCake
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    BlueberryCheeseCake Member Trusted Member

    She's insisting she loves you and wanted to meet the other guy???! That is very Eggyolk !!' Now I feel not happy with that fellow pinay ,she's lucky she's not related to me .. What does she think this is? What a silly thing to say . You never meet her for real ,and you will be fine . Get out and live the reality ... Everything will be fine ,be brave .

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