Do relationships with Filipinas work?

I have accepted that the relationship with her is over. After talking to Heathen I realise that I would not get on as a step dad, being shouted at all the time.

It’s a minority I guess and how the 2 of you handle it and what differences you have...time will tell

This was about control and if I had done what she wanted, we would still be together.

How do women control men?

In an argument she stops communicating- I recall my first wife stopped talking for a week, if I argued.

This woman is Chinese Filipino.....

There is no way I will let her take over.

I’ve had difficulty understanding her behaviour - from the outset she used me to her advantage. Now she is here on an NHS work permit she does not need me. She came through a poea agency. She does not understand how much I pushed for her to get a job locally.

There is no way that I will surrender to her.

If I had married her she would have been beholden to me - no marriage - she had no intention of ever marrying me, for me it didn’t matter that she couldn’t get a divorce, but let’s face it she was damaged goods,

How do women control men?

they know they are sitting on a gold mine.

In an argument she stops communicating-

yep--i'm sure we all get the silent treatment from time to time
i just say--in a quiet, controlled voice--that i dont know what to reply if she wont say whats on her mind--and leave that on the table..and shut up.

The 'tampo' response from Filipinas IS maddening (and childish) for a westerner, but something we have to learn to live with, IF the relationship is to last any length of time. You won't change them, that is for sure. Too much an ingrained part of their culture (along with walking very slowly, blocking any access and footpath, and not looking both ways before stepping out in front of that 20 ton truck... or you ).

I have never heard of tampo before And this is most in enlightening, and indeed understanding these cultural differences. Thank you Graham.

Its important to put our relationships in context, many of us have had failed relationships with British partners as well. Are relationships with filipinos less successful?

It would be interesting to see some statistics but I doubt they would be markedly different between either relationships.

I have been divorced once from my British ex wife, and have now remarried to a Filipino. In any relationship there has to be a certain amount of give and take especially if our partner is from a different culture, in my humble opinion every relationship has to be worked at, we can never take anyone nor anything for granted in life. I find it hard to believe when i sometimes read that people have been married for 50+ years, and never had a cross word.. , I can only think that they must lead a somewhat boring lifestyle .

i think ive had the most wives on this site---4

1st english ( though both parents were scottish ) we married young--for a wrong reason. she could brood on something for days--then explode.--i was indeed a battered husband. somehow that marriage endured 13 years--then i played away and she got a very fast divorce.

2nd wife was English--we were married 23 years--till she died after a long illness aged just 58. she was a very quiet--introverted person. i never really knew what she was thinking, but we got on OK and hardly ever had a row.

i met the 3rd while i was very much on the rebound, but waited a year till we got married , as it seemed the proper thing to do ( nov 2008 ) i had a gut feeling something didnt quite add up--and after 3 months of marriage little things got my brain into gear. it took me another 9 months till i had absolute proof she was not the person i thought she was. She was dishonest--a thief--a liar..utterly deceitful--and bi-polar. we carried on living together in a marriage of convenience--till i came home one day--march 2012--to find a letter saying she had gone. massive sigh of relief on my part. i divorced her in sept 2013.

i had already met wife to be-4---and we got engaged christmas day 2013..

her getting an annulment took over a year--then --in april 2014 in anticipation of her fiancee visa application--she took another TB test--and failed. 7 months treatment endured, till she was back with me in feb 2016. we married that april--so we are now well into our 3rd year together. so far so good.

I've only had the silent treatment once in our 3 year marriage we are on week 150 of it, mind you she did write to me and say we could start talking again if I let her cook dried fish that was in week 3!

dried fish is grounds for divorce. we have agrred it will be an outside bbq thing next time--so all our neighbours get the benefit of it.

It's all to do with the start of the relationship, bear in mind a lot of visits are like holiday romances, then you have the Skype friends who have never met but are in a relationship. End of the day it is Respect

I’ve only been married the once so can’t give so much input here but I had a gf much like your number 3.

Im sure my wife and i will be having a similar conversation, she knows i cant stand the smell of dried fish..

I let the wife cook her dried fish in the house, but all windows and door open, all internal doors firmly closed. She burns scented candles to clear Any lingering smell.
I think it’s cultural differences and we have to agree to disagree sometimes and also give in to what each other wants at times. It’s all about give and take and understanding

House will soon be smelling like a rotten food factory