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He hasn't messaged me for almost 2 weeks now.

Discussion in 'Relationship Advice' started by Anne25, Sep 16, 2016.

  1. Anne25
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    Anne25 New Member

    Hello everyone, I'm Anne. :) I'm a new member here and I feel 6 lucky that I have found this forum and read the questions and advises found here. I have been thinking if I should share this here but I think I need some new perspective, especially from a guy's about my LDR problem. I hope you can give me some advice please.

    My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 months now. We met in an online dating site and we've been talking ever since. He is currently working in an oil rig in Malaysia. He's looking for a filipina wife because ever since he met his bestfriend's filipina wife - he wanted a filipina because he liked how caring and loving we are. He almost gave up when he found me and unexpectedly, i found him very different from all the other foreign guys I've talked to. His contract in Malaysia ends this December and he plans to go directly here in the Phils to finally meet me and my family before he goes back to UK (where a new find is waiting for him.).. He hopes he can take me there by next year and get married soon. I never start that topic, he always does and I love it that he is willing to try new things for me because he said he wants to make me happy.

    Almost two weeks ago, I asked him if he has some concerns about me and he said that he is worried if I'll be able to adapt to the lifestyle in UK and then he finally shared that he had some problems because the work waiting for him in UK got on hold because of the current bad economy in UK ( I checked some news on the net and it seem true) and his current company is asking him to extend his job in Malaysia for another 6 months (which means we won't be seeing each other this December; and he promised me and really wants to meet me and my family). He asked if I'm willing to wait and I said yes because I love him. He said that he also looking for options still. After that conversation and 3 more days (he told me has been really sick with high fever), I haven't talked to him. I messaged him for a few days because sometimes he doesn't get to message me for two days because of hectic work shift.. but it hasn't taken this long.

    After a few days I stopped messaging him and just decided to wait for him to message me,.. I don't want to jump into any conclusions (a lot of negative conclusions from him disappearing on me to something health issues) and try to compose myself and try to understand his situation. Maybe he really needs to find some time to think things through because I know that its not gonna be easy to go back to UK and not sure about having a prospect of job and income as a guy and if he stays in Malaysia he'll wait for another 6mos with limited communication.

    Should I wait for him? Should I message him? I'm not sure what I should do, so as of now I'm just trying to focus on myself and give him sometime. I hope you can give me some advice. You have helped a lot of people here and I hope you can help me too. Thank you. :)
  2. Bootsonground
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    Bootsonground Guest

    Is his name Nick by any chance?? lol..Forum joke,sorry!

    You can message him if you like but don`t wait for him endlessly if he continues not to reply!
    He may have had second thoughts and lacks enough character to tell you?
    After all the promises he has made you, he decides to leave you in limbo with no contact nalang?? How rude is that?
    He`s so sick that he cannot even get a colleague to send you a text message??
    That`s a possibility right?Who knows? Not you..Not us..Only him.
    So his company offer`s him another 6 months contract and he cant take a weeks vacation to go and see you at any stage in that 6 months?
    Its maybe pure conjecture on my part and I may very well be mistaken but I see some red flags in regards this guy due to your very articulate and well written post.
    I`d also be very suspicious of ANYONE proposing marriage when they cannot even take the time...Nay!!!..MAKE the time to meet you first!!
    We live and we learn...You seem like a very intelligent person so it wont take you long..
    Look after yourself and proceed with caution..(would be my advice)
    • Agree Agree x 7
  3. yuna
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    yuna Cat Lover Staff Member

    If the person I have a relationship with doesn't send me a message for a day, I get tampo. But for two weeks?! Naku! Don't wait up. Message him.
    • Agree Agree x 1
  4. Anne25
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    Anne25 New Member

    All the employees in the oil rig can't leave the place until their contract ends I think. I asked him if he can go out in between the 6mos, but the company only offered an increase in his pay.

    I have thought all those things you said, and I was wondering until when I will wait for him and also weigh my feelings about this situation.

    Thank you @Bootsonground and @yuna :) for replying. I really appreciate it. I will think about it carefully. :)
    • Like Like x 1
  5. roaming-on
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    roaming-on Active Member

    Hi Anne! I know how you feel coz Ive been in that situations many times already.I think, give him few days more and dont message him again.Let him feel what he is loosing...Dont push yourself to much! Believe me,if he really sincere and genuine to you, he will find his ways...
    • Agree Agree x 3
  6. Stupot10
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    Stupot10 Active Member

    Hi @Anne25, I personally think he if he was truly interested and a genuine guy he would find a way to message you, 2 weeks with no messages does not sound like a genuine guy who wants a lasting relationship. Don't worry yourself about him, there is plenty more guys who will be interested in you and who would be sincere in there actions towards you. Actions speak louder than words.
    • Agree Agree x 3
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  7. ChoiAndJohn
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    ChoiAndJohn Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    Hello and welcome to the forum. Unfortunately the Internet is full of dreamers and people who lack the moral courage to break bad news. I suggest that you send him a message that you guess that he isn't interested in you any longer because he hasn't messaged you and if he doesn't contact you by end September then you will have moved on and wish him good luck.
    • Agree Agree x 3
  8. Markham
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    Markham Guest

    He's been on an oil rig for 6 months already and his employer wants him to stay on that oil rig for another 6 months??!! I don't believe it. I think he's playing games, sad to say.
    • Agree Agree x 2
  9. Timmers
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    Timmers Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    Welcome to the forum young lady :)

    I can tell you from experience that nobody stops on oil rigs for six months, in the UK you can only stop on an oil rig for three weeks after which if you had to stay for bad weather for example you would have to be seen by the medic for a daily check up. On a oil rig you work 12 hours a day 7 days a week and there is not room for people to have time off hanging around not working. Although I have never worked on rigs in Malaysia they are bound to have a similar system to the UK where he will work for a few weeks then have a couple of weeks off, you cannot live full time on a rig it would drive you insane so he must either have a place in Malaysia or fly back to the UK for rest periods.

    I do not believe that this man is sincere, nobody waits three years to meet up I'm sure other members here would agree with that, especially given that Malaysia is such a short distance away from the Philippines. Things don't add up and I believe he is stringing you along.

    You come across in your post as a very pleasant girl, don't waste your time, move on and find someone who deserves you.
    • Agree Agree x 2
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  10. BlueberryCheeseCake
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    BlueberryCheeseCake Member Trusted Member

    HI Anne welcome to the forum. I'm sorry about your case .. Seems a bit odd, your story is similar to one of my friend back in the Philippines . The guy also worked in oil rig and he promised her to visit after his contract then it was extended so he can't go through . They spoke for 4 months tho and already talking about marriage . After 4 months he disappeared and never showed up . You be careful with these guys . Words are cheap and it so easy to be mislead by someone's fantasy over the net .If he is really real and true he will come to you . True love finds a way . Good luck Anne and may God give you the man that you are looking for .God bless
    • Like Like x 1
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  11. Aromulus
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    Aromulus The Don Staff Member

    Yup........... Clear sign of lack of courage.

    Move on.
    As it has been mentioned find someone that deserves you.
    • Agree Agree x 3
  12. graham59
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    graham59 Banned

    1. Nobody is your 'boyfriend' when you haven't even met them in person.

    2. Kick him to the kerb and move on. NEXT PLEASE !
    • Agree Agree x 1
  13. Anon04576
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    Anon04576 Well-Known Member

    Regardless of what happens, always remember, plenty more fish in the sea. Hang in there Anne.
  14. joi1991
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    joi1991 Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    Before I met my now Fiance, I met an American online. We were going fine until one day he asked me to be his girlfriend although we haven't met yet. He then asked me if we can be "in a relationship" on Facebook then applied for his passport so he can fly here to see me. In short, he did everything any lady would want a man to do in an LDR. Until one day, I woke up to find that I was BLOCKED on Facebook by him and his sister. For months, he left me clueless as to why I deserved such cowardice.

    After a year, he re-added me on facebook. I asked him why he blocked me and he said he was confused and thought I was only using him for the GREEN CARD, like some people around him said. Until now, his friend request is there. I'm so glad that it happened to me and that I didn't jump into anything right away with somebody I did not know so well.

    Now in your case, I would say the lack of communication & time proves that the relationship isn't real.

    Should I wait for him? Should I message him?
    Talk to him. If he doesn't respond, then stop. If he has a good explanation and a valid reason and wants to have a real relationship with you, then maybe worth a chance.

    I just wondered why he hasn't visited you considering he's just in Malaysia or how about you fly to Malaysia since it's visa-free for Filipinos?
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2016
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  15. Timmers
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    Timmers Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    A good post, serves as a warning to others :like:

    I suspect he was using the green card as an excuse and was just playing you.
  16. joi1991
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    joi1991 Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    I was wondering why he re-added me. Guilt, maybe?
  17. Anon04576
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    Anon04576 Well-Known Member

    Did you actually meet or did he just buy the Passport?
  18. Timmers
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    Timmers Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    He probably wanted to take up where he left off not being able to find a young lady as pleasant as you :)
  19. Anon04576
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    Anon04576 Well-Known Member

    If he knew she was already pleasant then why go. Shot himself in the foot didn't he. A year to respond, seems a long time to mull over something like that.
  20. joi1991
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    joi1991 Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    His flight was already planned. But no, we didn't meet.
    If we did, he wouldn't let me go. lol

    I must add, he lives in a marijuana legal state, he regularly smokes with his girl cousin.
    I was blinded. Luckily wasn't fooled by infatuation.
    I'm really glad he blocked me. Call it fate. :cat:

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