ok i'll make it clear, it depends how much time they spend every morning, daytime and bedtime chattin and facetime, cause i am thinking they have work the whole day, they have activities, they have their own time for self,
I agree that everyone needs time for themselves. It's what they do in that time that we are talking about though, right? The original poster doesn't want her husband spending his 'me time' chatting online to other women and lying about it and frankly I don't blame her. I'm sure that you would agree that anyone who desires a long & happy marriage would be wise to pay attention to their spouses point of view? I think its a good rule of thumb to never do anything that you suspect your spouse wouldn't approve of, to never have secrets and if in doubt, ask your spouse if they mind.
And to answer @2die4 : is online chatting cheating? NO! as long as he don't go out and meet that person its fine.
So do you think it would be ok for him to be chatting with a woman and discussing sex, swapping intimate photos and so forth as well? If the guy is lying about it, and refuses to let his wife see the chats, then how does she know what he's been discussing? There's a word for this sort of thing. It's called an 'emotional affair'. I don't think that any married person should be getting emotionally close to another person of the opposite sex, by spending a lot of time talking to them about personal things. Clearly there's no problem with him discussing politics with a strange woman. But lying about it, and keeping it a secret, would lead her to suspect that this isn't just innocent chat. Right?
all i can say is: trust and back off, let him do the move if he's still into you And yes you're the wife but you should know to draw your line.
Hmm, K and I once spent 6 hours on the phone (Guinness record for Skype?) at the end of which time we had sorted out the entire planet to our mutual satisfaction but more recently we have got by with a few minutes every few days.
If I am in this situation, I would lay down the ground rules. If I am not okay with how he approaches this situation then I will tell him and demand that he stops chatting to other women as it is disrespectful to me as his wife. You are in an exclusive relationship, ergo, I am exclusively for my husband as much as he is exclusively mine. Don't get me wrong but hubby chats with other women but he tells me about it and I dont even have to ask. That's the difference. If I am in this situation, I would demand more action from him like a bit more effort to work towards being together and starting your life together. If he cant be bothered, then I dont think you're in the same page. I dont want to advice you on what to do as it is up to you. I just want to let you know that you are worth more than how he treats you now.
What is cheating? It is doing something your partner does not agree with. I'm sorry, and feel bad for you, but if your husband had nothing to hide, he wouldn't have thrown such a temper tantrum when you raised the subject. That is the sign of someone who feels bad or angry because they have been caught doing something they definitely shouldn't be. If he had nothing to hide, he'd have said "ok I'm chatting, here are my chat logs if you are worried, you mean more to me than any of those people I talk to and I know how worried you must be because we are apart". Just chatting.............or putting on the webcam and..............well, work it out. As for not meeting the income requirement after 2 years, if that is ALL which is keeping you apart, then why isn't he moving heaven and earth to meet it? Why not asking for overtime, why not getting a part time job (I speak from experience, I worked my backside off when I didn't meet that requirement at first, long long hours and nights). Of course if he is older or near retired, that is different, we don't know that. If he's younger and working............ Saving to move over there? Well he'll have to save an awful lot to afford to do that, and if he isn't hitting the income requirement at least, then he can't be able to save much, how many years will this take, with you hanging on. Can he afford to come see you? If not what sort of relationship is that? Is he really saving himself for your fleeting visits? The big thing is - the fact he threw a temper when you naturally worried asked why he was chatting to others when he had you.
Suspecting your loved one is emotionally cheating, is an inveitable strain on a relationship particularly when you have not been together for so long. When I was in The Philippines the pastor of my wife's church stressed how important it is for a newly married couple to be together - to strengthen that bond. But, sadly, the UK Visa system is not forgiving and it can become inevitable that people grow apart. I remember thinking how lucky another couple were - he from the Faroe Islands, got married in the Philippines and they moved to the Faroes after the honeymoon - with her on a visit visa. She then applied for Spouse visa whilst on the visit visa and that is pefectly valid there. I suppose what I am saying is, that you should try your very hardest to spend time with your husband somewhere on this planet. I am lucky, I have only been away from my wife for seven months since we got married and she arrives here to settle on Thursday. Even a wait of seven months was not easy but she kept are relationship alive by always being there at the end of a Skype call.
My fiance is a very friendly person,and we have now 150 common friends that includes family and friends...he chats with them and I don't mind.But if it is already at the extreme that he would limit my time with him,then I'm sure I would be in rage then if that happens...much more if its more than just being friendly. Let's not forget that because of the distance we all have with our love ones ,chatting is one avenue we do take and have to flourish the love and maintain our relationship with our partners/spouses .So to me it's nonsense to spend time "habitually chatting" with another person at the expense of my future husband and I's WE TIME.Given the time difference we have,we have to consider the staying awake moments just so we can talk to each other everyday,that's respect...yes and I mean it,everyday. Never a day without. He limits his time for @2die4 but spends time with other women? That to me is cheating!
I think if he cannot afford to satisfy the UK requirements for you to get a spouse visa then he certainly cannot afford to live in the Philippines unless he is close to UK pension age. If I were him I would work 3 jobs for as long as necessary to get the Spouse visa sorted..My personal target would have been 1 year MAX.. The only people he should be "chatting" with are prospective employers and on his tea time break with his overtime co workers. When you marry someone,its a serious commitment.. This guy does not sound very committed IMO and I think you deserve much better. Sorry..But thats what I think and if he doesn't like my opinion then he is gutless.
I agree with Choi and John, I have personal experience of this situation and I have to be blunt, chat rooms are addictive and dangerous to long term distance relationships. they unbalance things and become escapism from reality, I from experience know long phone calls daily can be hard work and also total up to a lot of expense, Skype messenger service is free and you can make phone calls and video calls through it for as long as you like as long as you can get online. it is hard work thinking of things to say all the time. but seeing each other doing stuff around the house can be just as satisfying as actually talking I agree again and think you should be much further ahead with getting a visa and arranging flight to UK . you should know the exact situation financially, if he wont tell you then the writing is on the wall. certainly have an update on the overall money situation. there is a firm of solicitor's In Peterborough called Mondair and they are very very good they specialize in immigration problems, check them out on the web
Approach them about it immediately, there may be an innocent explanation, no use bottling up your anxiety, get it out in the open, if something needs to be dealt with then its better dealing with it sooner rather than later.
I am guessing that if you meet your loved one online then you have both been chatting with many people leading up to the time when you say "this is the person for me." I assume that it is quite difficult to just cut out all the other people that you have been talking to online possibly for months, this in my opinion could be a problem for many internet couples.
The only explanation I see is that. .h/she is cheating. . She got you already and the person he should be chatting with is you or his family and friends. . Smells fishy. . Don't want to be hars..talk to your husband about it. My ex partner is chatting to other women online Nad it leads the, meeting each other in real I immediately ditch him!! Take no sh** my love you ahve to know your worth
Hi 2die4. I'm engaged to be married to a beautiful lady from Davao, hopefully next year. As well as chatting to my fiance I chat to a lady that I met on this site whom my fiance knows about. I regard her as a very good friend and would have no reservation in inviting her to our Wedding when we finalize a date. She gives me advice on how Philippine women think and I give her or try to give her advice on how UK men think. We chat most days, and I look forward to our innocent platonic conversations. Sometimes it is completely innocent but personally feel that the innocent talks are definitely in the minority. Good luck.
