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Please critique my mini train wreck

Discussion in 'Introduce Yourself' started by PorkAdobo, Feb 23, 2017.

  1. graham59
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    graham59 Banned

    PorkAdobo... it sounds like you've spent too much time hanging around bars and bargirls.

    You assume far too much my friend, and do a lot of tarring with the same brush.

    Some of the stuff you're posting is insulting to say the least, so please give a thought to others, who have some experience of the Phils outside of the red light districts. while you're doing all this navel-gazing. :rolleyes:
    Last edited: Feb 24, 2017
  2. PorkAdobo
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    PorkAdobo Active Member

    Been there, done that. Hasn't been on the agenda for several years now.

    Insulting ? Seriously? You're far too over-sensitive. I've given plenty of ammunition in this thread for you to be insulting back. You haven't held back in other threads ("Do yourself a favour love.... and buy an air ticket, assuming you're allowed to have a joint bank account, and not a kiddies money box." is hardly the statement of an English gent and is ruder than anything I've said here!)
  3. graham59
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    graham59 Banned

    1. I'm not an English gent.

    2. That is your opinion.

    You were the one asking for the 'critique' mate. :like:
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  4. PorkAdobo
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    PorkAdobo Active Member

    After careful consideration, I've decided that I'm gonna do it. I will try and bring R to the UK.

    I appreciate that the circumstances and timings are poor. However, the girl makes me truly happy. I know I'm not the man of her dreams and neither am I bringing her to her childhood dreams of Utopia. That said, I think I can still offer her a good life.

    I have talked over things with her. Been as open as I can about certain situations. She seems quite happy with it. I have maybe been too negative with the girl in stressing the lifestyle changes compared to my free-spending ways whenever I visit as a tourist.

    The job interview yesterday was a success. I will be taking a pay cut of some £3,000 which is far from ideal, but prospects for future promotion cannot be any worse than at my current place.

    Having now looked through the process for the visa application, it looks very do-able. It's just those fees! The English test, TB test. Overpriced, but a small sacrifice to make. Then the fee for the visa itself! Good lord! I never in a million years thought it would be so expensive. Nothing but a money grab.

    I don't want to accrue much more debt than I already have, so the foreign trip budget is going to be slashed this year.

    Looks set to be an interesting 2017. I entered the year with zero expectation that I would be going down this route. Even last week, I thought it more likely I would only ever be a holiday romance. The thought of having a fulltime wife in the UK is both daunting and exciting.
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  5. Timmers
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    Timmers Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    It is expensive but bear in mind that once your then wife has obtained the FLR(M) she can begin work herself and contribute to the household and future Leave to Remain visas.
  6. bigmac
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    bigmac Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    whatever you think the next 5 years is going to cost you----double it.
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  7. Timmers
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    Timmers Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    But............... having said that I've saved an absolute fortune by not having to traipse to Dubai and Manila every three months to see the missus.
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  8. Methersgate
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    Methersgate Well-Known Member Lifetime Member

    Ok, let me offer you a few thoughts on the process as R will experience it.

    She has already travelled abroad and has a passport. Good. It needs to be valid for at least a year because a six months visa is going to ger stamped in it and getting that stamp may take six months.

    The financial strain is severe but it is spread out over quite a while, so the impact comes in bite sized chunks.

    There is an established order of proceeding here.

    First, the English test. Do this first. The validity of the test pass is quite long.

    These days, this test can only be taken in Manila or in Cebu, so R will have to travel to attend. She will be extremely nervous about it but I think I am right in saying that in the whole history of British Filipino, nobody has ever failed it at the A1 level, which is all that is required. This won't stop her being nervous so send her some practice materials, encourage her to watch ENGLISH (not American - and certainly not Taglish!) films and documentaries and try to get her to listen to the BBC World Service if she has a radio that gets it. Since there is no such thing as "a Filipina" - which you already know - you should budget for a family member to go with her.

    The TB test. This is easy and straightforward but be warned - unlike the English test, people DO fail this one. If she fails she will need a course of antibiotics and she can then re-apply. The test result is valid for six months.

    The submission of documents and biometrics at VFS. Almost the last lap. What is not made clear in the Government and VFS websites is that you can do the paperwork for R and all she will have to do is go to an internet cafe and print it. Indeed that is what many of us have done. The most important documents are those surrounding your financial circumstances, so do be sure to get these right. You will need to send these documents to R by courier.

    Once she has the visa, her final stop will be at the CFO and once again the pass rate for members here is 100%.
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  9. bigmac
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    bigmac Well-Known Member Trusted Member


    The TB test. This is easy and straightforward but be warned - unlike the English test, people DO fail this one. If she fails she will need a course of antibiotics and she can then re-apply. The test result is valid for six months.

    my fiancee failed. she was absolutely shattered--she had no idea. 6 months of expensive unpleasant antibiotics and tests--x rays--sputum--followed. then further weeks waiting for the final all clear. that was the longest wait ever. this set us back 8 months.
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  10. Timmers
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    Timmers Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    Yes, a test failure is certainly not unheard of, just recently my mum in law failed one when applying for a US visa and has to have 6 months treatment and my sister in law failed one for Canada although that one was quickly sorted out.
  11. Methersgate
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    Methersgate Well-Known Member Lifetime Member

    One more thing to really really watch out for. When R comes over she will be overwhelmed by the strangeness of Britain, and she won't be able to work until she has her FLR(M) visa- say 8 months from first arrival. Given her background, her self esteem will be low, and you must - you really must - be extremely careful to build up her self esteem, in clever ways which she won't spot, whilst keeping her very fully occupied until she can get a job. Think if she will be happy taking a course, but also think if she may like volunteering in a charity shop, and so on. This really, really matters. DAMHIKT.
    Last edited: Mar 1, 2017
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  12. PorkAdobo
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    PorkAdobo Active Member

    Thank you for the advice. Lots of food for thought, there!

    I am not too concerned about the English test. Of course, she is petrified. Whilst her English needs to improve, she should be more than adept to pass the A1 requirement. One of the problems which I have not helped with is that I have always modified my own English when I speak with her. I speak a version of Renglish with my prepositions and verb tenses all over the place. This is going to change.

    She will soon be enrolling into English classes, though honestly I don't have that much faith in most of the mainstream learning institutions in the Philippines. Hopefully, it won't do any harm and at least I'd be able to judge immediately whether things are going slightly pear shaped.

    The TB test will be a complete unknown, I suppose. She seems healthy and I don't know of any of her family and friends to have com down with it. But who knows? Given bigmac's experiences, this test is going to be given a higher priority.

    Her current passport is valid until June 2018. Such a pain that it only had a 5 year validity. I understand that his Holiness Du30 has mandated 10 year passports. We are going to renew her passport early (and keep hold of her old one) before we start the visa process.

    One good thing about the FLR visa is that it gives us both an opportunity to try out the UK for a relatively long period. I fully appreciate that the UK will be a massive culture shock for her. I don't think she realises the magnitude of this (or maybe I'm underestimating her?). However, two things Filipinos are renowned for is their resilience and adaptability. A people which has such a vast diaspora does not reach that critical mass without those attributes.

    Finding some sort of volunteer role is a great idea. It would also give me an indication as how serious she is behind this move, or if she is still secretly expecting this to be an extended version of our 2/3 week holidays. There are all sorts of groups in my local area from litter picking to exercising old folks' dogs. This would also be a great way for her to integrate in local society. One thing I absolutely don't want is for her to be too attached to me. I want her to have freedom and, as much as possible, for this to be a relationship of equals.
  13. uklove
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    uklove Active Member

    I'm concerned that you question if you are the right one for her...
    Make sure she doesn't have any other boyfriends..
  14. DJB
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    DJB Active Member

    This could almost be a film script.

    Good luck mate and if you ever need a bit off one to one advice(if I can) encouragement, or a pint I'm just up the road from you ;)
  15. Maharg
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    Maharg Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    I reckon if I'd sent my missus out litter picking in order to 'intigrate' her soon after she moved here I wouldn't be here to tell the tale.
  16. Drunken Max
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    Drunken Max Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    You cannot do unpaid work on a visitor visa if I remember correctly. Not sure where volunteering sits.
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  17. bigmac
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    bigmac Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    nope--cant even do that--lol
  18. Mattecube
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    Mattecube face the sunshine so shadows fall behind you Trusted Member

    Oh lordy lordy
  19. Mattecube
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    Mattecube face the sunshine so shadows fall behind you Trusted Member

    Nor I
  20. Methersgate
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    Methersgate Well-Known Member Lifetime Member

    Yes, Mattecube is correct - no volunteering on a "marriage settlemenbt visa" (fiancee visa) and not until she has a FLR(M). I was thinking back to the "good old days..." But she can study, if she likes.

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