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trust

Discussion in 'Relationship Advice' started by frank, Oct 29, 2014.

  1. frank
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    frank Member

    Ok travel on monday Nov 3 to see and spend six months with fiancée. but just lately have had a few red flags .
    No 1 did a search to see if she was on any dating sites and found her on one confronted her about it and she said it was not her but her cousin who used her pictures as her cousin is fat? You can tell when they have been on since then she has never used it why? if it is her cousin who uses it.
    No 2 last week sent her money to buy ticket so she can come Manila to meet me 10000 pesos , i know it dose not cost that much but she wanted stay in Manila a few days before i arrive. Had a email from her to ask me phone this week, she says she has lost ticket she bought and money when she went market, So am i being taken for a ride sent her another 5000 this week The money dose not matter it is the trust, can i trust what she says is true, without trust i can not marry her. I will ask to meet her cousin when i am there and ask her if it was her on dating site.
    what do you all think this is first time since we first meet in 2013 that i have had any doubts
  2. bigmac
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    bigmac Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    well--with 6 months together you will find out if your doubts have any foundation soon enough. if the worst happens at least you could have up to 6 months fun of a lifetime.
  3. Maharg
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    Maharg Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    You need to trust her. Simple as that. No point if you don't.

    We can't judge because we don't know her. But I know that the "cousin" thing rings true. Maybe she just told her cousin not to use it any more.

    Maybe she gets constant hassle from her family for money because she has a foreign boyfriend and is just trying to get a bit to give them to keep them quiet and leave her alone. Again, this would not be uncommon.

    Who knows? Talk to her, man.
  4. bigmac
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    bigmac Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    when my fiancee returned to the filis in january--she asked me to give her an " allowance" each month---which i do. its not a big amount to me--but i'm sure its sigifnicant to her. shes never asked for a single pp extra since. trust is an earned thing. my ex wife betrayed my trust completely.
  5. Maharg
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    Maharg Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    By the way, why would you do a search to see if she was on any dating sites?
    • Agree Agree x 1
  6. Dave_E
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    Dave_E Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    Perhaps she has a few red flags raised against Frank now.

    Or was it his cousin?

    :lol:
  7. Aromulus
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    Aromulus The Don Staff Member

    red-square-parade1_1639280i.jpg
    • Like Like x 3
  8. Methersgate
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    Methersgate Well-Known Member Lifetime Member

    Be careful. Both of those are indeed "red flags". I would not believe the story about the cousin - she may be fat but she could use any old picture, and as you say if it was her cousin why did she suddenly stop? . And the story about losing your 10K in the market seems "iffy" to me, because I don't know any Filipinas who go shopping in the market with so much cash on them - and why take the ticket to the market?

    Try to have a fall back plan lined up in case you need to get out.
    • Agree Agree x 3
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  9. Timmers
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    Timmers Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    Sounds like you have been ripped off Frank for sure, if you do go to the Philippines go and find a new lady you can trust and be happy with.
    • Agree Agree x 1
  10. Anon220806
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    Anon220806 Well-Known Member

    Beginning to sound like that.

    I had a gf a few years ago that ripped me off. ( British ) . The trouble is that you want to believe the lies.
    • Like Like x 1
  11. aposhark
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    aposhark Well-Known Member Lifetime Member

    Sounds bad to me, Frank.
    You have six moths there to have a blast and there are so many good girls/ladies there.
    I think the dating site is the big red flag.
  12. Dave_E
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    Dave_E Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    Regarding point number 1, the online dating site.

    Facebook is just as bad as an online dating site, all about building up social contacts, something that is very popular in the Philippines.

    If somebody has 2,000 Facebook friends, there must be quite a few dodgy dudes, weirdos, and perverts in there...
  13. frank
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    frank Member

    yes i have six months so will find out one way or the other. regards family i talk to her mum on phone and we get on good she has never asked her or me for money.I know she stays with her auntie most of the time as she lives on her own her husband died last year and she asked her to stay with her for company and when i have phoned her i can hear the auntie saying things to her in the background at first i was sending 5000, then her auntie was saying something she came up with can i send more. Also her brother has asked her for money if she gave him some i do not know.
    timmers this is last time if it dose not work i am giving up on them all. had two other Philippine girlfriends before this one,both scammed me.
    Methers i am booked into a resort for a month in her village but no fall back plan as yet. Can not see me staying there any longer if it breaks down not much to do.
    Maharg your words have given me hope thank you . I have been a member but no longer subscribe to ph cupid and still get many email interests sent. I live on my own do not work also live in very small hamlet in the lake district no shops no pubs nothing can go two three days and not see any one so i spend a lot of time on the Internet trying find some thing do I do not know why i looked just thought i would do a search on her village see how many from small fishing village where on and she was there i trusted her completely till then i will talk to her when i am there also will ask meet this cousin see what she says
  14. Timmers
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    Timmers Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    Save your hard earned cash Frank, you've worked hard all your life, you deserve better than to be disrespected this way, and disrespectful is what it is.
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  15. Maharg
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    Maharg Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    Why not set up a fake profile on the dating site and send a message. See who responds.
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  16. Lorena
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    Lorena Member

    I agree to Maharg. better off set up an account (fake), put a goodlooking man's photo and younger then send her a message. please make sure you wont sounded like you know her. just the normal conversation of "getting-to-know-you" stage.
    Have you tried reading her entire profile Frank? what is she looking for and any personal description about herself?
    • Agree Agree x 1
  17. Anon220806
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    Anon220806 Well-Known Member

    Yes. Use my photo. :D
    • Funny Funny x 1
  18. Timmers
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    Timmers Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    Someone mentioned a photo of a handsome man John :lol:
  19. Lorena
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    Lorena Member

    confident John.... hahaha!
  20. one world
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    one world Active Member Trusted Member

    That's a great idea Lorena.

    Frank, it could be possible that gf is keeping options open and under family pressure to milk as much money as she can.

    There could also be a change of circumstances which has caused your gf to seek money, possibly not for her but someone else.

    Family relatives can put pressure on a gf.

    Sometimes a gf may dream up an idea to try and get money, but scared to tell the actual circumstances in case you disapprove.

    I you really like her, its worth digging for info and speak with her.
    Use skype or similar and see how she reacts to some questioning, but avoid a gestapo interrogation method!


    Something similar happened with me, but after some delving, i discovered a just reason for asking for money and sorted the problem out which only occurred because my gf was too trusting with others when lending money, which she was too embarrassed to tell me in the beginning.
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