In tears i write this thoughts, In public i share my pain. You held me in your heart, in your life for 32 years. So vividly i recall the days i am growing up in your care. Those days you drop us off and pick us up from school even till i reach college. I remember how you were close to breaking when i got lost. I close my eyes and how i can still see those days you shed tears just so you can send us all to college and have a degree. I can still see your sad and worried face when its time for paying school fees. But you pulled it all off for the five of us In poverty you taught us to stand on our own feet not the expense of others. You showed us to be happy of whatever we have on hand. You held us all so close to your side we thought you were being so strict. But i have realized, every word you uttered, you shared and implemented are the ones that has nurtured us to become a better person. I was so hurt to hurt you when i made the biggest decision in my life to be with and live with the man i chose to love. A decision you respected no matter how much it has hurt you and disappointed you You have accepted the man i married despite your pain of losing your daughter so soon I know how it shocked you and I know how much it has hurt you but you kept silent. You showed me love and support even in your heart your screaming in pain. If only I knew that you will leave without GOODBYE i wish i could have been more BETTER. I ask why you keep quiet when i talk about VISA and now i ask God WHY you left without a GOODBYE. Now i understand how painful it is to be left alone and feel so EMPTY. I will not forget that day, mama, that day you quietly left. without a word, without a goodbye. You hid yourself and took all the pain by yourself. I cannot help but ask GOD "why"? and say: MAMA YOU ARE NOT FAIR. Cant you see mama, i never left for my husband but you left me. I have lost you and I have lost myself. I am empty. I have no direction. I feel senseless. But God ask me to, HOW CAN I BE SELFISH to not let you go and be happy for you after bringing me up for 32 years of my life?WHAT LITTLE FAITH i have to not entrust you in the hands of God? Soon the answers came OVERFLOWING! Now i understand why you always get scared of being left behind coz it HURTS SO MUCH what more to a mother who has love her children more than she have love herself?now i know what you will feel if i left you and journey to my married life.You gave everything, forgot your entire being for the sake of us, so how can i be selfish NOT TO LET YOU GO for you deserve MORE!!! your undying and endless sacrifices will forever teach us humility. Your desire to give us more than you can give and more than you have will forever remind us to the same to our family, to friends and to others. And the faith that you have will forever make us Believe in God even when face with pain. I have lost you mama, but forever I HAVE GAINED from YOU. I owe it to you WHO I AM NOW AND WHAT I HAVE BECOME. I will forever hold in my heart those tears you shed with all the struggles and pain you have suffered for us .I will forever proclaim your journey on bringing us up and nurturing the five of us. I am a witness to many of your sacrifices not just to us but to others that have needed you. On this special day, I can only ask God to hold you so tight for me and kiss you and whisper unto you: I love you mama. Thank you for giving me so much love more than I needed and asked for. Thank you is not even enough to reward you for everything. I know as I write this you are holding me close in your heart like you always do. All I can promise you ma, is that I will become as GREAT as you are, as a wife, as a mother and as a friend. Happy mother’s day ma!! I love you and I miss you very much. I also know now why you never said GOODBYE bec it is not really GOODBYE for even in heaven you are holding us close and you still let us feel your love. It is not GOODBYE because someday i will hug you and kiss you again. I LOVE YOU FOREVER MAMA. p.s mama, in heaven i know there is no FACEBOOK, NO TWITTER, NO TEXT, NO PHONE CALLS, but I HAVE GOD with me to message you every minute my heart is beating! so please DONT WORRY OF US no more and be with GOD in peace. xxx
