Yes smarter as in judgement, intelligence is great if you are blessed with it, being smart gets you through life
I don't think it is the act of having sex that would be the issue for most people as most people would feel the same as you in that they wouldn't want sex with a wife who was not up for it, its more about the principle.
I see. I didn't read it as a joke. As for my remark about who wears the trousers, I was just trying to point out that if your remark had been a serious one, it seemed to me that you were in danger of losing the equal partnership that you desire, since any it seems to me that any woman that would make such a remark would feel as if she held the cards and wore the trousers. So to speak. As for the wider discussion, I agree with @Maharg. I've met miserable downtrodden men whose wives used sex as a bonus/weapon. My ex-wife tried to do the same. That's one of the reasons that I divorced her.
Well said, sir - but there could be other reasons for her insoucience. Perhaps, just perhaps, the female may not appreciate the less considerate lover - the wham bam over in 3 minutes type of guy we all know exists. One who's idea of foreplay is to say "Right love - get your knickers off - Match of the Day's on in half an hour." As you imply lovemaking is a participative endeavour - if only one person's motivated there seems little point.
Exercising sound judgement is indeed a valuable quality - and like you I like to think I'm pretty good at it. But I'm also possessing of enough humility to readily admit I've made some very poor decisions along the way. I guess the key is to try and learn and move-on.
Thanks for the elaboration of your earlier comment John...maybe you missed that I'd posted in the Humour section. As regards the substance of your post I would just say that a individual - irrespective of their sex - has an inalienable right to decide what to do with their body. If they don't want to have sex then that is totally their prerogative. I will agree that - unless the contrary was mutually agreed in advance of becoming romantically involved (or some physical issue precluded congress) there will be a general expectation that sex would form part of a normal "whole" relationship. But we all know there are myriad reasons why couples don't have sex - or have very unsatisfactory sex (for either or both parties). If I were a female finding myself with a lazy slob of a partner (who may have masked such behaviours when courting me) I would certainly not be inclined to having jerjer with him. Indeed - I may be tempted to seek a nicer person to share my bed.
my first wife definitely used sex as a bargaining chip--to get me to go along with her to her religious services--much against what i wanted. it certainly contributed to the end of that marriage.
Hi Mac --- obviously I don't know the detail and it would be improper to pry but generally speaking I would regard one's faith (or like me lack thereof) to be an important issue worthy of discussion PRIOR to entering into marriage / civil partnership. In my opinion there are certain "lines in the sand" issues that couples ought to consider at the outset of a relationship - or more likely at a point in a relationship where things are getting serious. These include:- attitude to having children; religious or civil ceremony; attitude to contraception (and perhaps abortion - but ultimately a women's decision as we've not got a womb); attitude to money/risk; attitude to supporting wider family (not so much an issue in UK relationship's but very much so in UK/ Filipino unions); church attendance. If you can openly discuss these - and no doubt other subjects - and reach agreement (or even tacit acceptance) on the "big ticket" items BEFORE things have gotten too far then this must surely increase the chances of a successful and long term relationship. One important thing - which I expect most here can subscribe to is that we shouldn't expect to change our partner overly much - if at all. It ain't happening. G
as ive said on other threads--i was bought up in the jehovahs witness religious cult...in my case from about 10 years old. in that cult it is against the rules to have sex before marriage. also--any association with people outside the cult is strongly discouraged. my girlfriend--from when i was 17--was a " born in "--just that--born into it. therefore nothing else to compare it to. we got married when i was 20--she 19. we were both virgins till then. but by the time i was 23 i had had enough religion--and quit. but she stayed with it. over the next 10 years she would let me have my oats if i went with her to the " meetings " looking back--i got married to have sex. nothing else. i quickly realised i had made a bad mistake--and regretted it. but--as the saying goes--i had made my bed....
You've lead a colourful life bigmac for sure I don't like the idea of sex being used as a bargaining tool in a relationship, it would immediately tell me that something is badly wrong in the relationship. Anyway, you've come through it all and you're as happy as Larry so that's the main thing
Thank you for your candour Mac. I could wax forever on my attitude to religion - let's just say the late, great, Christopher Hitchens, Richard Dawkins & Sam Harris feature prominently on my bookshelves.
I am also one of the readers that did not appreciate that you had posted in the Humour section. My comment stands however, in so far as I would not be happy if those sentiments should ever be expressed by my wife. I am in full agreement with most of your comments G, and of course it is essential for a lasting relationship if agreement is found on all of the important topics that you have mentioned. Unfortunately, life is not that simple and what may well have been common ground at the outset of a relationship can and does change over time. So many factors, too many to mention, come into play, changing circumstances, social and family pressures, religion etc........ My last marriage lasted 25 years. At the beginning there was common ground on pretty much everything, however, over those 25 years and especially in the last 5 years, many of my wifes attitudes changed, which ultimately led to a very unhappy relationship and ultimately in our divorce. It is not too hard to find agreement in the beginning of relationship, when our loving feelings are in full force, its later on, when external pressures take their toll, that it gets more difficult.
Melody understands that if she misbehaves, I will send her home in a balikbayan box, or sell her to an Arab. This one.
I think the term is THAT eyebrow. I have told her that I am far from heartless, and when I make the decision to send her home in a Balikbayan box, I promise that I will put some air holes in it with a pencil. Just lately though, she will say "Oooo - lovely big box honey!" whenever we pass by one near the dumpsters.
