Corbyn - Glastonbury.

Warning - someone says the 'f' word.

He's appearing on the pyramid stage a little later on today.

Theresa May is in the airing cupboard at 10 Downing Street.

The Kaiser Chiefs are also on the bill. If the hapless Tezza turns-up I - wait for it - predict a riot.

Coat got...........

Jeremy Corbyn is appearing at Glastonbury?

What's he singing?

He is clearly on a path for youth appeal love him or hate him he can lift the youth vote, can we afford his policies? that is a different ask.

The old ones are the best

REUTERS BREAKING NEWS: Vatican City, Rome. 25th June 2017: 11:05 CET

Vatican sources stated today that Pope Francis, the 8o year old head of the Roman Catholic church has been watching Britain with a great deal of interest, and has been paying close attention to the Glastonbury festival and Jeremy Corbyn's appearance there.

Attendance figures across the entire spectrum of the Roman Catholic church are falling, with the 18-25 demographic showing alarming falls in numbers regularly attending church causing particular concern. Surveys conducted reveal an almost complete disconnect among the youth, with the church seen as increasingly irrelevant to 21st century values. Archaic ceremonies and the persistence of the use of Latin, and the robes and garments worn by the Pontiff and his Cardinals being 'turn-offs'.

Traditional as the church remains, there is a growing movement for change within the halls and corridors of the Vatican, and the Pope himself is at the vanguard of this. Even at the grand old age of 80, Pope Francis feels that he still has the capability to reach out and pass on his message to young people, and believes that anything preventing such discourse and instruction should be removed, even if it breaks with centuries-old tradition.

His mitre, the famous headwear worn by Popes and cardinals since the 11th century has been placed in storage since Jeremy Corbyn's Glastonbury triumph in which he appeared on stage in a Nike tracksuit and trainers. Corbyn then wowed the 250,000 strong crowd with a rendition of Bob Dylan favourites, sung pitch-perfect and backed by (as he introduced her) The Corbynista Sista, Diane Abbott, who proved to have a singing style likened to Aretha Franklin with a bad head cold.

His Holiness will now conduct mass wearing a baseball cap, and discussions are taking place as to which direction the peak should point. It is said that Pope Francis, or Holy Frankie as he will become known, favours the peak-backwards look, as there is no desire to alienate either Crips or Bloods.



Replicas of the Holy Baseball Cap will soon be on sale as soon as the Vatican merchandise factories in Vietnam, Cambodia and Laos can ship them to Rome. Priced around 25 euros, they will provide much-needed income for the Church. Other lines - including a pastiche tee shirt of the 1980's classic Frankie Says shirt will be offered, with lines from the New Testament completing the phrase. Ex-chairman of Leeds United, Peter Risdale has been recruited to manage the marketing division, to be known as "Crux."

"Knowing the market is imperative to a multinational purveyor of faith-related merchandise." said Mr Risdale. "We have identified various revenue generators within the youth market, with a range of products carrying the "Crux and Gangstas" logo. "We aim to bring criminality and small-time petty thievery under the metaphorical umbrella of the Church and to scoop up the disenfranchised and disillusioned among the ranks of the young. We feel that such communities could be of great middle and long term benefit to the ambitions of the Holy Roman Catholic faith to reach out in a truly global way, to open and develop markets in the Middle and Far East, and to reinforce our market share within traditionally Catholic zones.

Consequently, Pope Francis will wear a sombrero when in Mexico, and a Coolie Hat in the Far East, because all Mexicans and Asian people will immediately identify with this headwear, and know that His Holiness is just like them, apart from the extraordinary wealth and privilege which he enjoys. Consumerism and ostentatious displays of wealth are very fashionable these days, and it will become a rare occasion indeed to see the Pontiff not Showin'.

We are also considering a very interesting offer from Qatar, who would like the Pope to carry the logo of their national Airline either on his hat, or on his staff, which may or may not include a scrolling LED display. My team has convinced the decision-makers within the Vatican City that we must not allow small matters, such as the Qataris being of a different faith, and being rumoured to sponsor terrorist groups prevent us from exploiting the opportunity to sell Crux Gear and maximising profit for shareholders."



A new website has been revealed at Caflix.com, and apps are available both for iPhones and Android phones. A spokesperson claimed that the latest moves are the most exciting thing to happen within the silent, cloistered hallways of the Vatican since the days of Pope John Paul, when the Swiss Guard lifted the Vatican 5-a-side trophy, beating a team of Greek Orthodox bishops in the final.

No wonder so many British men fly all the way to Thailand and the R.P!!

Now that one is definitely a photoshopped picture.

Not that many people would want to appear in a photo with Jeremy.