Hi all, I'm new here and if you had asked me a week ago if I would have been typing in such a forum I would have said "no way"! I am a separated (from English wife) man and found myself just browsing an international dating site the other day out of curiosity rather than intention. One woman really stood out to me - so stunningly beautiful. We've exchanged several emails and I can feel myself getting drawn in. She is a Filipino working in China and seems lovely. I guess I'm asking for a reality slap here (maybe you lot are the wrong ones to give it!). Here are some of the many questions going through my head. I would appreciate the forum's input, especially from the filipino women who may understand what is going on in the head of my contact. Is it possible that we can have a deep and loving relationship being from such different cultures? Why would such a beautiful woman be interested in me, a bald white guy in his 40's? Why hasn't she settled down with a man by now (she's 35)? Could she possibly be happy in a country so unlike her own? Any insight would be useful - I suppose I'm feeling scared that I'm going to get out of my depth with this. thanks for any replies Roggy
Hi Roggy, Welcome to the forums As with any budding relationship be it online or in real life, there are risks but there are also success stories. I guess an advice from a woman would be to be very careful. Dont be swayed by looks or sad stories. If you can, go and meet her in China, UK or the Philippines and see if the sparks do fly in real life. Dont ever send money for sudden emergencies, loans or what nots. Anything that gives you suspicion that she is not genuine should be addressed ASAP and not ignored. If you do develop and deep and lasting relationship with her in real life, there will be adjustments as yes, the cultures are different but that doesnt mean it is doomed from the start. There will be misunderstandings, conflicts, the ever famous Filipino tampo, etc but the important thing is to learn to communicate and adjust to each other. One good thing about Filipinos is that they are resilient and adaptable so it is possible that she is happy where ever she is. There are million of Filipinos working abroad and a lot of them even lives there with their families.
My wife felt that she couldnt trust a Filipino man to be faithful to her and provide and care for her.
Hi Roggy and welcome. Two people from different cultures can have a wonderful life together, variety is the spice of life. There is hardly any ageism in the Philippines IMO. There can be many reasons why this lady is not married but it is best for you to tread lightly until you meet her. As blue_acid wrote, don't send money until after you have met her. There are many scammers and it is best to be safe than sorry. If you can see her on webcam, at least you know if she is a woman and not a man posing as a woman. Try to find out things about her and enjoy getting to know her and be optimistic but realistic.
First thing you want to do is go cam to cam so you know she is who she says she is. You can't form a relationship on email alone. You need to know how you interact together as people. The internet is a great way of meeting people, but now you have met that way you need to get to know each other in person the same as any other relationship. Yours faithfully, Marge Proops.
I like these questions as it reminds me of when me and my wife started out on our online relationship. The fact you're on here asking questions would suggests sensibility so with that I'd say enjoy what you're experiencing but definitely keep an open mind and as mentioned previously, DO NOT send money (at least before meeting in person, should it happen). As in all walks of life, real or online, there are good and bad everywhere, sometimes we we meet good, sometimes we meet bad. Regarding her not settling down yet, I was 42 before getting hitched, it doesn't mean there's something wrong with her, maybe she's just been enjoying life or never felt the need for a companion, until now . Keep you wits but enjoy the experience. Ohhh, bald white guy in his 40's... yea... and...?
Thanks very much for the replies everyone. You did give me a few things to think about, especially that I need to see her on the webcam cos she could be a bloke! I've not heard back from the email I sent last to her so it may all be for nought anyway but all your ideas and suggestions have been valuable.
Well, depending on her socio-economic status or job, she might not have internet access everyday so a little patience would go a long way what does she do if I may ask?
Hi Roggy and welcome to the forum you are perhaps taking the first tiny steps in a big life adventure and making contact here will give you access to reality checks along the way , its a huge subject , some of us here had to go through alot of upheaval to get to where we are so if you want our experince good and bad keep posting. At the moment you have a good thing that is going on in your head without any reality other than what you have created keep exploring and posting and stay open to lifes rich process
I think tampo is one of the Qualities to be celebrated once you get the hang of it and realise its unavoidable you can just treat it as cave time
I wonder about the origin of this word. I notice Wikipedia has this to say: "Tampo, in Philippine culture, refers to a range of behavior in which a person withdraws his or her affection or cheerfulness from a person who has hurt his or her feelings. The term has no precise equivalent in English, though "sulking" or "to sulk" is often considered the closest translation." Sulking like a 15 year old schoolgirl seems to run close. I notice my wife can do a good demonstration of it.
Tampo is very cultural as Filipinos are not really very demonstrative of ill feelings and not as upfront of negativity.
