Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking. Maude: What in the hell is that? Mabel: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet. Maude: Where did you get it? Mabel! : You can get them at any pharmacy. The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers. "Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel." The pharmacist fainted. Al.
True story about a former employer. JK (Jock) Swire, the father of Sir John and Sir Adrian Swire, the man who built Cathay Pacific and much else, was a subaltern in the trenches in France in WW1. He was worried about his men picking up venereal disease when "consorting" with what Terry Pratchett calls "ladies of negotiable affection", and, on a weekend leave to London, he saw a chance to do something about it. He marched (he was 6ft 4ins!) into a chemists in Picadilly and asked for 1,000 condoms. The chemist disappeared, came back with a sizeable parcel, handed it over and said: "Enjoy your weekend, sir!"
Not too bad Alan... but must try harder!! Where are you now BTW?? UK?France, UK,etc ?? Long time no hear from! Best regards to you and your better half ya hear?
