I'm a Filipina and has been dating a British guy for 8 months. First few months of our relationship were a bliss and couldn't stay away from each other. We had small arguments but nonetheless it always works out. We're sleeping together (literally) as it's the only time we can actually be with each other. we got different work timings so the only time we can really stay together is when he comes home after work past 10pm. He's the head chef of a local restaurant and usually working on weekends. We both have our own place (meaning we don't lived together) so he either sleeps at my place or I sleep at his. The only off day that we got is one day in a week but he's spending it on his riding (he's into motorcross). Recently, small arguments leads to frustrations and frustrations leads to needing space. I keep on telling him we don't have time together while he brags that we're always together (meaning to say we sleep together). His work is giving him a lot of pressure which leads to further frustrations in relationship and now he says he wants space like once or twice a week that he wants to be alone. I, as a Filipina grew up in a very uptight family and not used to have someone who wants space. He keeps on telling me that I'm the only person he knows that he cannot have space and he needs to time off to think about work or about himself as he keeps on saying he's fed up at work and he doesn't want to stay in the country that we're working atm. Needing space is called 'cool-off' in Philippines and usually it just leads to breaking up permanently. But since I don't want to lose him, I always agree on his needing space and doesn't know when he'll come back. The last time he needed space was last week, I agreed and didn't call nor text him for 2 days that we're apart but the 3rd day I had to as I'm the one doing plans for our vacation and the hotels/flights that we're planning has been calling me that day. So he came back after calling him. I am beautiful (not bragging) and just recently went to a friend's party and as soon as I step inside the bar, 3 men were conversing with me. He can't be with me at the party as he was working that day. I told him what happened, not to brag about it but at least feel a little kind of jealousy from his side. In which I didn't received it... I'm a good girlfriend (again not bragging) but I'm not a perfect one. I don't want to flirt with other guys but somehow I started missing the things that we were doing before. I have been cheated too many times in the past so I don't cheat as I know how hell it will be. My bf is not cheating on me (as far as I know as I don't go and snoop around but I can feel that he's not cheating). The last time we made love, he said to hurry up as he needs to go to work. I JUST FEEL THAT THIS RELATIONSHIP IS BECOMING RUBBISH. Now I am even thinking of leaving him but deep inside I can't as I love him. I tried all the tricks with all the love books that I have been reading or loves sites that I've been browsing (hello 'how men marry bitches' 'the rules' 'act like a guy'.. etc) but I seem to be at a losing end. He always asks for space and I panic and cry but agree and always keep telling that 'if he comes back, he's yours'. He always do come back but I'm fed up. He cannot always tell me that he's going to have space and not knowing when he'll be back again for me. Are all European guys do this? I want to know at least I know where to stand. He's a good person, he calls and messages me when he's work and he comes home very tired and exhausted all the time. When I act that I need love, he never gives it to me completely. I feel like there's something missing and when I get upset, he says he can't deal with it and he wants space. If he's coming back or not after so many days of not hearing from him. I love him but at the same time I want to be happy. I want him to want me the same way as before. I'm not looking for a perfect relationship. I just want to feel that love again
I'm sorry for what you're going through with your relationship, and no.. Not everyone is like your boyfriend. However, I know a lot of men who are like as you've described (and a few women too). It sounds like he is not ready to settle down, but feels frustrated with how his life is right now, with work and perhaps other things as well.. For you, it is difficult to know what is on his mind as he is not sharing his thoughts and feelings with you. I know it is frustrating for you also, but I suspect his lack of opening up might mean he feels conflicted with something and he doesn't want to talk to you out of fear for losing you in case he offends you. Also. His motocross might have more to do with bromance than it does with motorbikes! That might be the only time he meets his friends who he has known for many years. So, he also feels that he owes them time in his life too, plus he gets to forget about his stresses for a short amount of time.. To be honest, I think this is not really a cultural thing. You feel neglected and he is rejecting you with his request for space.. Have you considered speaking with someone? Perhaps contacting RELATE?
At a very simple level he might just be very tired and as you are alternating spaces he may needsome time to sort his life out bf/gf is not the same as married/ live in
Well! I am not sure if this will help you but during my time with my husband when he was my boyfriend I never make him feel jealous or insecure, although he can see he has lots of rivals but I always let him know how much I love him and never nag with him when he was my boyfriend. After marriage, of course arguments is unavoidable As my husband is Eddie Gutierrez look alike (imagine that) :vhappy: so many women wants to steal him from me including my sister fantasised with him! :dream: but now we are 16 years married. :lovey: I asked him what is the reason why all these years he still love me? He said that its because I am faithful and I never make him feel jealous!
Jealousy is a very very evil emotional state, at its roots are a fundamental insecurity in the person experiencing it, you are very lucky that your husband is totally secure with your relationship. This is a prerequisite of any long term lasting relationship to my mind, the fundamental thing is that you trust each other.
I am an English lady who has had a long distance relationship with a Filipino for 6 years. I've been over there, and he's been here to visit me. There is a big difference between the British culture and the Filipino one. Ours values independence, whereas yours values inter-dependence. I observed that over there, whatever belonged to my Filipino also belonged to his family, whereas here we draw a clear distinction between what is ours and what we share and we particularly value financial independence. My Filipino did not like to do anything by himself, but was very courageous if there was someone with him. He visited me for 5 months and wanted to do everything together, and even be in the same room all the time. I love him dearly but found myself saying that I needed space, and making excuses to go out and do something by myself. When your boyfriend says he wants some space, he's not trying to tell you he wants to break with you. For him, having some space will strengthen the relationship. If you are sleeping together every night and the rest of the time is mainly working, I would certainly feel, like him, that it is too much and I needed some space. The way women deal with this problem over here is to find new friends and activities of their own and not to be always available. You will find him much more attentive if he sees you are happy and enjoying life with other people, but don't try to make him jealous with stories of how other men find you attractive, because that will drive him away. You two need to try and understand each other's culture and work out a compromise. If you want to get the love back into your relationship, tell him you need his help to understand this need for space, and our culture of independence, because it is a mystery to you. British men just love to find solutions to their partner's problems!
