i been married for almost 5 years now.bless with beautiful kids. and reasonable life..here in the UK but regards to being married i feel i am on itch i do try to be a good wife and mum but i felt i am being abuse aND aint not right but i cant share the details and its very struggling any advise that have gone in this stage..i know its a bit confusing what my problem is but its too delicate ..
You need to talk to your husband, marriages take work and they say every seven years one or both partners will struggle - the seven year itch. Being a good wife and mother also means you need to take time out for yourself and make sure that you are doing things to make you happy. If you can't talk to your husband I strongly suggest you try and get counselling for the both of you, do not let these feelings grow inside of yourself.
I do agree with kuya 100%. Counseling is very important, and it may help repair the relationship, although, I am not quite sure if a good few days break together, without the kids, could be a better solution to communicate fully with hubby, and get the doubts and fears out of the way, without the need to involve strangers at first. It is natural, and happens to most couples, after a while one tends to take the other for granted, and things start to go down the slippery slope.... So, book a couple of days, somewhere peaceful, and talk, talk, talk, communicate...
balot, i am not sure if i am credible enough to give an advice.. i have been married for nearly 2 years (only) and i can safely say that we are still on the honeymoon stage.. enjoying each new experience.. in what way have you been abused? physical, emotional, mental?
florge i must say i been through on that stage as well actually 3 years straight was so smooth and like you said honeymoon stage and i agree..but as the years running i felt i am going through a very hard road and so hard to explain in details ..as ive said on my early thread its delicate or rather sensitve am afraid..not pysically i am being abused..thats am sure..its been difficult..possible that the 2 aspects ..but whatever i am on ITCH
Balot, I am sad to learn that you feel that way. I know it's easy to say this, but have you had a really good 'heart-to-heart' with your husband? Somehow you need to a time to say, please can I talk with you about something, and then just be open, but not demanding. I do feel you make a good point about having some time together away from the home and the children. It's really very tough being a wife and mother with young children. Does your husband have any family who take care of the children for even just one or two nights, while you have both have a break. Balot, you can tell me to mind my own business, or just ignore me, but here's what I want to say, does your husband support you and help you enough to make you feel it? Does he share an equal load in the everyday stresses of family life? Do you feel part of a team where responsibilities are equally shared with a smile. Our lives need to be balanced. Any inbalances can cause inner tensions in either person. Just want to help you my friend, and don't really know how to do it. Take care.
Oh, sorry i just remembered something I wanted to say. We recently helped out a friend (and her young son) who started feeling much the same as you. But she had only been in UK a few months. They stayed with us for a couple of weeks and we managed to sort a lot of stuff. There was plenty of misunderstandings and stress on both sides. At first it seemed that the husband was just not up to being a supportive husband and father. But we also realised that she was also not being totally fair in her expectations of her husband. There was a 'gap' being formed between them. We were able to help the wife a lot to understand the cultural issues and differences that were being raised and she could immediately see that. The husbands view seemed much more entrenched and getting worse, I have spoken with him and hope he will begin to see how to improve all their lives. There were a lot of issues to consider, but mostly it came down to financial issues as the root cause of everything. Eventually the husband was treating his wife as an unpaid and unloved maid. Additionally he was creating a barrier with his son simply by not spending enough time together as a family. Again relating to financial challenges. These days we all are concerned about how tough economic times might impact us. You have the additional concerns about the pressures of immigration journey you are facing and how to secure that ILR. If I can help you I will do it. Talk, talk and more talk is really the key to understanding. Good luck my dear
Micawber..i do understand of what you are trying to say..and yes ive done that loads of time.. we talk..all sort..but everytime the stress between us comes back..and am trying to balance it ..realize that i have to be tough and wont give up..he is supportive in a way but as soon as he seen me like doing the job that suppose to be shared by both people..his off and my attititude is i hide things and when it grow i show how upset i am..am so tired..evrynow and then to remind him that i need his help.. 3 years we spend living in the PH and 2 years here in the UK ..that time when were in PH that attitude of him i seems didnt notice only npw when we are in the UK.. but anyway thanks for giving your time reading my thread my friend.. btw..you how many years you been married..is that your first marriage..me this is my first as well ..might be the reason why i got so much to adjust same with everybody has
Patient! Patient! Patient! Is one of the most important part of relationship. I have been married for 17 years :cheer: although I am not the patient one, but my hubby! No matter what happen between us! He will never give up on us! I can never stop loving him for that reason, whenever we fight and argue he is always willing to forgive and forget! :lovey: And always say "I still love you so much despite eveything" Bless him! I am insanely jealous but he said "it will pass" and so it did! We reached all these years because he believes in not giving up marriage easily because of our kids and our love to each other! He doesn't want his children to have a broken home! Some people, have short patient and not willing to give way! Try to consider your children's future first before yourself, until you can feel the love don't give up easily on your relationship. As if you don't hold on to your present relationship,who knows what you are going to have next time! it could be good it could be worst and regret is always in the end! If your partner is not bad after all learn to give and take!
I can feel your pain.(yes, males have the same troubles sometimes too) My suggestion is to contact one of the many and free "marriage councelling" places widely available in the UK. (i assume here, because i did the same in Germany and both countries are quite similar ) Maybe one of the UK members can give a hint where to go or research in the phonebooks for you. Im my situation in 1991, a severe marriage crisis in germany i choose to ask thePhilippine Embassy to give me an address, in the hindsight, that due to the bilateral situation sole German conselling Organisations would have maybe difficulties. They recommended "Caritas" and i got in contact with a Filippino/German counselling couple, which with great effort solved the crisis in just 4 sessions. (No worries, Religion was not involved at all.) My marriage lasted for another 5 years, the reasons why it broke up finally was not "counsellable", so i still would choose the same. Often independent third parties which are trained in those situations can be of great help. Good luck and my best wishes
oops, ok. i have not read the last post, i just replied to the OP. However, maybe one day another reader feeling to be in a similar situation reads it. (The title is tempting)
