Liberal western man and conservative Filipino woman

I think its very hard to compare a British persons idea of a Liberal and conservative with a phills view.

Like you say most Pinays seem to have Buckla friends, many will have friends who married in shotgun weddings. Plenty will have discretly had intimate relations with there boyfriend.

Some of the pure wholesome image is to ensure the reputation of the young lady is not harmed in phill life people still know a lot about those around them.. Getting a bad rep is not easy to hide away from..

I certainly would bite your tongue on the religion topic if you can help. Lets face it you dont belive in religion and she does. Just as some people belive in Santa claus and others dont, some people support man utd and others man city at your work place live and let live.

Learn about her beliefs and see what they mean to her and her loved ones. What many forget is Christainty has always taken local tradtions and merged them in to the tradtions and special days of the new religion. Look how British Christains celebrate many very old pagan tradtions the same is the case in Phill.

To dimiss the religion is also to dimiss many far older and deeply intertwined tradtions and superstions which mean a lot to the locals..

Look how we still chuck shiny coins into water and how we as a nation celebrate spring equinox....

She will love Rome and of course the Vatican the better half is a lasped Catholic but it meant a great deal to go to the Vatican and i felt her joy and happiness as well

I think when we think we understand how a different culture understands something we take for granted it does not last we suddenly realise hang on maybe i don't...


Im amazed how many Single Parents and very liberal relationships are expcepted in Phills which would raise eyebrows here. Im also amazed how little attention cross dressers, camp bucklas etc gain in phill from all parts of Phill society.

With regards Churchgoing and beliefs it maybe intresting once she is here how once she settles how her views may or may not change.

Hi Kuya,

I am in a similar situation to you in that my wife is from the province and has more old fashioned views than a city girl.
She isn't really interested in religion though and doesn't want to go to church, her family is the same over there.
She only went to church once when I was over there and that was to pray that the plane wouldn't crash when she came to the UK.
I went with her to the church but I was more interested in the architecture and history of the building than religion.
This shows me she does have some religious beliefs but they don't seem to be that important and she has intimated this many, many times.
She has been to church over here once but doesn't want to go again because there was so much spiteful gossip by the other Filipinas there.
I have asked her many times if she wants a lift to the church but she tells me she is too busy.
She knows that I am an open atheist and she never gets upset by this.

We do have the occasional problem and it is not because I am liberal and she is not, it is because I sometimes talk too loud
When I am on her island I can hardly hear people talk, they all seem to whisper to each other, it is how she grew up. Her island is very isolated.
Most British people talk in a much louder voice by comparison and sometimes she perceives my voice as a shout, which ends up in me being tampo'd.
I don't really have the solution to this as I cannot modify my voice even though I try, and I don't think she will stop feeling hurt on the infrequent occasion that I talk a little louder.

I have noticed that she certainly seems to be changing her ways since she has been in the UK, and she certainly forgets when she shouts at me though

I just see it as 99% bliss and 1% tampo, so I am happy in life.
We also have an 8 month old baby girl who is adorable, but having a baby can also put strain on a relationship too.

Marriage is ups and downs for everyone no matter where they come from. A marriage with two people from different countries can throw up little difficulties but it can equally make two people laugh so much when cultures clash

We both have very strong beliefs that marriage is forever, we talked a lot about this before we planned to have kids.
We don't want our children scarred by their parents "splitting off" (as she says ) as they grow up. Yes, we hope to have another child.

On the whole I think you will be overjoyed when Rizza arrives.
I remember that she looked very attractive in her photo and you will no doubt feel excited to have her around all the time.
My wife is young and beautiful too and I have never felt anything but admiration for her beauty even through the pregnancy.
I have the utmost respect for her nature too, she is so adorable.

I think it would be very helpful to always talk about how you feel about religion as well as other aspects of life with her, after all communcation is the key.
Your situation will be more complicated in this regard than mine but everything can be sorted out if you both love each other and the will is there.

Compromise is a small word but a very big concept

Life will be good, but remember the 99 & 1

A lot of comments and observations from all, that I can easily relate to.
Been with my wife for 15 years. Even now we still have the occasional 'cultural' clashes/misunderstandings.
My wife is religious for sure, in fact most of the family are very religious. Her father was a 'lay-preacher', her brother is a priest. My family was catholic, not strong but strong enough to send me to the local catholic school. I hated my catholic school days and the teachers. My wife knows this and some of the stories, but finds it difficult to relate to.
I consider my wife to be conservative, she also was from the province in Mindanao. I would describe myself as western liberal.

Religion has not been any kind of problem between us. The only major compromise I have to maintain is not to have any serious religious discussion with her brother. (which is sometimes hard)

Marriage/relationship is always going to involve give and take, compromises etc. Once you get into cultural 'differences' you both need to be able to learn. Well that's if you want to maintain equality and diversity in the relationship. (To be honest some just do not)
If you also want to try to change the deep seated religious values as well it's going to be a bumby ride. Christianity, tradition and cultural values go hand in hand in the Philippines much more that in UK
Let's no forget, that despite the Philippines being a christian country, often speaking the English language and displaying western appearances, it is an Asian Country with Asian Culture and with Asian thinking.

We lived in Japan for a long time. Many couples we knew of Japanese and Philippine mix. Personally I never felt that these two cultures were at all compatible. Probably about 90% doomed to failure solely down to the cultural differences. Oddly enough I never saw or heard of any marital problems due to belief or religion.

In my relationship religeon is not an issue the missus is a non practicing catholic except for finaly getting her daughter baptised at 4 years old mostly because the certificate is useful I.D. go figuer

We got married by a Baptist Minister who was cool about including the local catholic hokus pokus (viel and cord) I just saw it as a ceremony for the congregation and to outwardly express our comitment in a socialy agreed form when I watch the video it is great a piece of theatre

Her world view is very undeveloped but inso far as we have explored Jhean can quickly come up to speed in unusual areas by exposure and its been delightful to see her testing boundries from time to time

In exsaperation with an outside situation I would somtimes vent using the "f" word and at first this would result in tampo as she thought it directed at her but now she got it and ocasionaly will use it as well lol

I think the Fils projects a mental picture of some "moral" position that is not born out by intimate examination most of the Ladies seem more comfortable on facebook with 150 "friends" than a site like this

I think the closest we have come to disagreement is over TV as i dont watch myself and refuse to have korean soap filling the space up yuk

My first "friend" was very developed in terms of language and ability to discuss but lacked the moral caracture to go with it so Im delighted to the prospect of years of joint discovery with my wife and the pleasure of being part of that mutual growth

Waning .................oh you probably meant Winning to much Wineing squire will do that

I've been thinking about religion and marriage and how this might impact a relationship. Just from my own and friends experience it seems to be a non-issue. What I mean to say is, it seems that despite often considerable gaps, religious beliefs and/or no religious beliefs don't seem to have had any 'known' effects at all.
Maybe my experience is very limited or something.
It would seem odd that considering the conficts caused, past and present, by differing religious beliefs, that it would be the same within relationships and marriage.

Anybody have any experience where religion has caused issues?

I know as well the Wife has mentioned many customs and superstious beliefs which non Catholics can think are part of the actual Catholic Faith but due to time have become intertwined. Im sure many are very regional the Wifes seem to involve trees, sprits and fairy like people. when her brother was younger it was thought he was possed so I guess what we might think of as a witch doctor was called. This was in a family which was very religous with some of the Family Catholic and others being Born again.

In the Wifes family apart from the Maids only her Sister will attend Church today Easter Sunday but that is more for the social scene (Fashion Parade it sounds like) which the Wife did when back in Phill but now in the Uk its rare apart from now and then that she enters a church. The rest of the Phill family went to a fiesta where food and eating lots of it seemed to be the order of the day!

All would declare themsleves Catholic went to Catholic School and are Baptised as Keith Angel mentions it makes life easier just check out applying for a Passport in Phill website. It certainly pays it seems to be a Baptised Catholic!

With Maids and those in jobs where there are no paid days off its normal for an employer to give time off for Church and not deduct pay it seems so I do wonder how many would still go if they had paid holidays. Our families maids and workers now all have paid for Days off and Sick pay which they never abuse im glad to say. Some still go to Church others spend time with Family on days off, some still come to work they simply dont know what to do on days off!!

My wife has plenty of superstitious beliefs. Plenty.
Like putting coins in every corner of the house (inside and outside) to ensure we are never short of 'blessings'.

I guess here in UK we also mix plenty of pagan beliefs with modern thinking. That's life

The Philippines has only had the influence of catholicism since the Spanish Empire began in 1565. Interestingly although Spanish rule over the Philippines lasted over 300 years. Those Spanish settlers and 'rulers' came mainly from Mexico. Probably plenty of 'traditional' or superstitious beliefs and 'mumbo jumbo' from there.

No offence meant.

Yep plenty of Coins buried into the concrete of the house in the family piles

Its the same in other parts of the world Anamistic folk just adapt in the Atlas mountains in Morroco the Berber people all "converted to Islam" it was that or be killed the Spanish were the same but scratch the surface and you will get a very diferent picture the Fils is the same its just people have forgotton why

A lot of the fear based superstition fits very well with the whole Catholic guilt and punishment theme

Or
A lot of the whole Catholic guilt and punishment theme fits very well with the fear based superstition theme.

Sorry Keith, couldn't help it.
No offence.

Hi Sean, I can't really contribute much to this other than to tell my story.

Disclaimer before I go any further: I haven't read much of what people have said on this thread as it's 2am and I'm knackered, but ....

My view is that it must make it very hard to be in a good and close relationship when you are very opposite in something as important (to a religious person) as religion.

There is a sociological theory called the "looking glass self" and amongst other things, it posits that you will over time grow towards that which you value most. This is why people grow apart, if 2 people grow towards the same end goal, they will ultimately grow together as a result. The reverse effect is achieved if they have opposite things they are growing towards.

I guess the more important thing is ... how the heck do u make it work?

But, love conquers all. Have you seen my love conkers? They're amazing.

All joking aside,

I mentioned at the start that I would tell my story, so here it is...

I am a protestant Christian, and I knew that most Filipinos are catholics. I was in a Long Distance Relationship with the woman who is now my wife, and I asked her : If I am protestant and you are catholic, how would we raise our future children. She told me that there's no need to worry as she's protestant too ... so I thought "looking-glass-self" - awesome

Anyway! I know the contribution here is minimal, but hope u enjoyed reading.