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Being tested? Or even being used?

Discussion in 'Relationship Advice' started by thingymejig2, Feb 25, 2018.

  1. OTT
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    OTT Active Member

    Good luck to you @thingymejig2 , I ,and I’m sure most others ,hope it all works out for you both . Anything worth having is worth waiting for .
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2018
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  2. CampelloChris
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    CampelloChris Well-Known Member

    If I can put my two cents in, I get the impression that your relationship with this woman is very linear. By that I mean that you seem to be following a very straight path with the destination being becoming a father. Along the way, there have been milestones which you appear to be ticking off as you've barrelled along. 'She said this'. 'She herself agreed to that'. I think you are being too pushy. I think she might be feeling a little 'railroaded', and my personal advice (based only on what I've read obviously) is that you should try to enjoy the journey.

    Her responses are possibly a test of your fidelity to what you are trying to achieve. Maybe they aren't. But don't you think that you should maybe have a better understanding of what makes her tick before you propose? Before you march her down the aisle?

    Falling in love and being in love is a beautiful journey. But I imagine you in top gear, blasting towards the horizon and taking very little notice of the passing scenery.

    I think you need to have a long think about how you are going about this, and I hope that once you have, perhaps you will understand that there is something far too intense about the way you're approaching things. Maybe being in love is bringing out hidden insecurities, and the uncertainties are making you feel uncomfortable, and consequently, you are trying to rush your way through the process.

    Quite possibly, you might want to have an honest heart-to-heart yourself, and then with this woman, and I think it should start with an apology. If I'm right in what I'm thinking, I think you need to, as many others have said, slow it down. Enjoy the journey. She's clearly fond of you, but love does take time. I think she is a kind woman and doesn't want to see you hurt. But I honestly feel that, were she being wholly honest with you (and herself), that she has yet to develop those deep, deep feelings for you because they haven't been given time to form properly.

    Learn to bake a cake. Try taking it out of the oven 15 minutes earlier than it says in the recipe. What you have is a mess, but with patience, it just might have been a masterpiece! Take your time. Good luck.
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  3. OTT
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    OTT Active Member

    Excellent post and advice , well done sir .
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  4. bigmac
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    bigmac Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    I saw that old ad on TV again the other day..the couple meet for a dinner date...fall in love..decide to get married..have kids..then realise it's a mistake..decide to divorce...and end up arguing over who gets the CDs.
  5. Drunken Max
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    Drunken Max Active Member Trusted Member

    I have a T-shirt somewhat similar.
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  6. HaloHalo
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    HaloHalo Administrator Staff Member

    Im hoping to have just the one marriage. I suppose in reality we all set out with that idea but life being life it doesn’t always work out as we intend.
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  7. Aromulus
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    Aromulus The Don Staff Member

    I am sure her indoors will be reassured by this..............:rolleyes:
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  8. OTT
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    OTT Active Member

    Yes that’s for sure , if all had gone to plan I would probably have never travelled as much or even gone to the Philippines.

    I won’t complain though , it’s had its compensations . Good luck to all you guys who married the right girl .
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  9. bigmac
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    bigmac Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    ive had 4 wives.

    first one divorced me after 14 years together. my fault--cant say i blame her..in fact--did me a big favour.

    2nd wife--in no way involved with the first divorce---together 24 years--sadly she died young 11 years ago.

    3rd wife--me very much on the rebound--a bad error of judgement on my part. didnt work out and i divorced her..2 years separation by mutual consent.

    now with wife 4..who thinks its hilarious me having 4 wives.
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  10. graham59
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    graham59 Well-Known Member

    I wore out the first one. :(
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  11. PorkAdobo
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    PorkAdobo Active Member

    This is all the more reason to take your time and not fall in lust with the first girl who shows you any affection.

    If you have a kid with a British girl and the relationship breaks down, usually the worst that will happen is you only see the kids in the weekend. You still have an influence on their lives (obviously there are plenty of cases where this doesn't happen).

    If your marriage to a Filipina breaks down, your child could be growing in a completely different part of the world. Weekend visit to Maccy D's is a lot more complicated and expensive. You cannot judge how compatible you will be and how sincere she is on the basis of one holiday.
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