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Dying Father in Real Relationship?

Discussion in 'Relationship Advice' started by Gavman1970, Feb 6, 2020.

  1. Heathen
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    Heathen Active Member

    Im sorry to read about your dads illness Gavman1970, and even more sorry to read about the current situation, its a difficult situation for both of you to be in.. basically you are in a no win situaton, if you dig deeper and find out its a scam then your father will be heartbroken and wont really appreciate you bringing it to light, If you dont do anything and it is a scam then your father may well end up giving everything to this woman for nothing in return, somehow you HAVE to find out the real circumstances of this relationship, is it a scam or is it genuine ?.

    May i suggest that you have a chat with your father about this visit visa situation, and ask him if you could help his lady friend obtain her visit visa, that way you could gain both your fathers confidence and learn more about his lady friend and her family, suggest that as her brother is helping her then you can help your dad, getting a visit visa is not an expensive process, but somehow you need to learn more about the situation.
    It might even be an idea that because your dad cant fly out over there perhaps you could get time off work and you go there to assess the situation, ask around her neighbourhood find out if there is a boyfriend around this lady, its amazing what you can find out at local sari sari store, especially if a few pesos exchanges hands ;). Maybe im being stupid to suggest suggest such a thing but im just trying to find a way for you to be able to help your father, he will pass away a happy man if this woman can come and visit him even if its only once, on the other hand he will be hearbroken if she cant come or proves to be a scammer, but it might stop him parting with even more money..

    Good luck with your whole situation whatever you decide to do, try to make sure he does NOT send her any more large amounts of money for whatever reason she might say she needs it for..
    • Winner Winner x 1
  2. bigmac
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    bigmac Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    simpler to suggest dad turns off the tap for a while and see how she reacts.
  3. aposhark
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    aposhark Well-Known Member Lifetime Member

    This is the kicker:

    He has tried to get her to the UK before and paid for that to happen but she was unable to come over. He is now trying again and has been advised by her brother in the process and has sent over £10,000.

    I am afraid the father is not seeing the real situation.
    • Agree Agree x 1
  4. Druk1
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    Druk1 Well-Known Member

    Sad but true :( its often the way,outside the box looking in gives a better perspective than inside the box looking out at a restricted view,to all of us with experience its an obvious scam,but to the old gentleman its probably seen as something totally different.:(
  5. Gavman1970
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    Gavman1970 New Member

    Hi all,

    Well I have some updates for you and it ain’t good. Don’t ask me how I have found out but he has left most of his estate to her but thankfully he has left me something. He transferred £24k so that she could show financial independence and took off only 4 weeks from work from Hong Kong to come over to the UK from the Philippines, Now that time included the visa application and time to come over. Not call me cynical but why did he send 6 months of money when this person was only going to stay for a week. Now due to the corona virus she has told him the family is being evicted and can she use the money to buy a plot of land and build a house. Ironically that request only came in a few days ago and already she is ready to watch the construction. I would imagine there will be other requests for the build and the need to put more money into the visa pot when the virus comes to an end. He is getting weaker and can hardly stand and I have no idea what to do anymore. He does not want to speak about her but it seems to me that she is a 100% scammer who has done nothing to help him, never met and finds every reason not to come over. It is us who will have to help him at end of life with his cancer But yet she is going to get 90% of his estate and the house etc making her a millionaire effectively.
    • Informative Informative x 1
  6. Druk1
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    Druk1 Well-Known Member

    Sad mate, your intuition is right, she has conned him from the start, and she will con him to the end, its your dad who is the victim, pity its ending like this instead of her coming over and seeing him with a smile on his face. She is going to milk him dry, sad.
  7. Mattecube
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    Mattecube I have no need Trusted Member

    very sad mate, I am no expert whatsoever but have you explored a power of attorney option?
  8. Gavman1970
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    Gavman1970 New Member

    He is of sound mind and POA will only be any use when he can no longer function mentally. So I have no idea what can be done at that time when he has an existing will that was written when he was.
  9. Stupot10
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    Stupot10 Active Member

    I think all you can do is apply probate when he passes to oppose the will. It takes time but it could be worth it in the end.
  10. Heathen
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    Heathen Active Member

    I feel so sorry for your situation, there is very little that you can do now, except maybe try your best to get your dad to use some of his money to help pay for his end of life care, therefore stopping her getting her grubby fingers on some of what he still has, The big worry is that this hateful scammer and her so called relatives will realise he doesnt have long to go, and try to get him to send more and more money over to her while he is still alive, the house build will be a perfect reason for him to fall into this trap.
    Somehow you have to try to get him to delay sending her even more money, so that when he does pass you can at least oppose the will as Stupot10 has suggested, I have to admit i know very little about will,s probate and all of that kind of thing, however you have to do your best to make it as difficult as possible for her to get her hands on as little as possible when the time comes..

    Sorry i dont know what else to suggest.. Good luck in a terribly difficult situation.
    • Agree Agree x 1

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