Hello, newbie here, looking for advice on a number of issues..:)

That sounds like a reason not to return to The Philippines. Reason enough for refusal.

If you read through the forum you will see that visitor visas are notoriously difficult for Filipinos to obtain.

So he still has a lot to do with his kids. Life is not just about how much money you lash out on private education.

Put it this way, when my ex made noises about moving abroad and taking my kids with her I was very clear that I would do all I could to prevent it.

He's their father. You need to respect that. It means more to a kid that private education ever will.

I was thinking that when i read about it, would he be able to file if I was not in the country.. I guess he could maybe and have my name on the list for ppl to watch out for if I returned... Either way, if my partner can't come with me out thew country, is a last resort..

I think with the extended family that my partner has it may not be too hard for him to find out my info...

Regarding the claim of the baby belonging to any number of fathers, would it matter? They would only need to establish that it was not his kid, to prove adultery, wouldn't they? If they are trying to prove she has had sexual relations with someone other than her husband, and she admits to having 49 lovers, that would surely go against her?
And her passport would show she hasn't left the country, so couldn't have conceived anywhere else...

How would any of us feel about some rich foreign bloke wanting to take our kids to another country... never mind the woman we love ?

True - the kids could love their father like nothing else. If I was faced with the prospect of someone taking my kids abroad, you can bet your bottom dollar that they would not win.

If he loves his kids then there is no price that he will accept to lose them.

Agreed, I was looking at it through his eyes and assuming the husband is not a good family man. He could be fighting to keep his kids - as is his right.

Maybe you need to consider repatriating your own baby and taking care of the life you created.

Though, thinking about it, isn't the baby the woman's husband's in the eyes of Philippine law? Or am I confused with another country?

He seems them whenever he asks to see them, solong as it does not involving taking them out of school... He sees them maybe 3 times a year, for 2 weeks at a time... And I have no problem with that.. I have a bit of an issue with his attitude towards my wife, but I have never expressed them to anyone other than her.. I have not met him coz of threats he has made regarding me and his wife, not to mention taking the kids by force etc etc... My partner feels it is better we don't meet as she predicts trouble, we r both a bit hot headed at times and it is just easier to for us to not stir things in that regard...
But I have always had the attitude that he is their father, and they don't know about whatever issues him and their mom had which lead to her decision to move on. I think to stop them seeing him would be to punish them, and they have done nothing wrong, They have all been told that they always have the choice, if they wish to go live with him that we would respect their decisions. I agree with you fully, they should have whatever relationship with him that they want, and I would never stand in the way of that. And to be clear, the only reason we are even thinking of taking the kids to the UK is to avoid the jail sentence he has threatened me and his wife with...

The only reason we have even considered taking the kids abroad is because of the jail sentence he has threatened me and his wife with... I am very content to live in the Philippines with him seeing his kids often as he likes, within reason... It was his behaviourand unfaithfulness to his wife (long before her and me meet) which caused the breakup which is the only reason I am on the scene at all... He abandoned them and provide no support whatsoever for them.. Now he wants them all back, including his wife, which is why all this has come about... Not because I threatened to take them away to the UK or because I even stopped him seeing them..

I'm now the only 'kano' in town...

This was the outcome of a Filipino's jealousy... a couple of months ago:

http://newsinfo.inquirer.net/868360/american-shot-dead-in-pangasinan

My wife, who's from Davao and who, like many VisMins, is questioning of the motives of certain of her peers and suspects that you're the victim of the 'deserted wife' long con. Your entire relationship has, she suspects, been engineered by your partner acting under the guidance and instructions from her husband. They have four children: that's a lot of mouths to feed, backs to clothe, toys to buy and education and medical bills to pay for. Her husband may have decided to scam foreigners as a quick and easy source of revenue to help pay their bills, told his wife to participate and he may even have written her online profile and some of her early responses to you. From the moment you picked her and started to exchange messages, you may have been manipulated. When you visited, her husband stayed elsewhere, returning home when you'd departed at the end of your twice-annual holiday. Your decision to buy a house and move there was, my wife believes, the trigger to "go for gold". Her becoming pregnant - and her husband suddenly "finding out" - was all engineered. You bit, took the bait and now you're being reeled-in to be their benefactor for at least the next 18 years - if they haven't bankrupted you before.

Over the last seven or eight years, I've learned to respect and believe my wife's opinion as she is seldom wrong in her appraisal of her fellow country-folk. Whether you believe my wife or not, you should at least consider the possibility and include that in your risk assessment.

Her advice: Run, Forrest, Run!

I can only foresee a world of stress, expense and pain coming out of this relationship.

Of course the OP doesn't want to hear that, but he's asking for advice, so why gloss over reality ?

To all forum readers, and with all due respect to some of our members:

There are millions of lovely ladies in the Phils. Do try to make life easier by falling for a single, childless one. It would naturally help if her father was a brewery or Porsche dealership owner.

( I write as someone who has married a Filipina with 'existing' children, whom I brought to the UK, followed by my current wife , who was single and childless when we met).

If this is true, that means I am in no danger of the adultery complaint being filed against me?

Quite honestly, I think you need to be worried less about the legal niceties and more about having your brains blown out, IF you're not being scammed.

@jayson
there is another way to go--as indeed one of our members does---

return to the UK. then--when its all cooled down a bit--go back out for a visit for a few weeks at a time. its always more difficult to hit a moving target.

If what Markham says is true then there's little or no chance of it going that far.

However, if what Markham is saying is true then what is the point in staying there?

If I were you, Id be on the next plane home. Id tell the girl - it's your problem, sort it out. If you want an annulment, I'll help you. Until then, we will meet only in HK or Thailand or Singapore for 2 weeks every so often.

I think we are all in agreement that the last thing we want is to hear that you are in a prison cell with 35 other people and getting only rice to eat.

Also, you only have her side of the story. Who knows, maybe she has cheated on him before. The thing is, when Markham made the suggestion you seemed to agree - so I get the feeling you have suspicions.

It's not worth it my friend. Get home, get out of the relationship. If she wants you, she'll make the situation safer and do what she has to. If not, consider the future of your baby.

I really hope it is not a scam and all is fine BUT many of us have seen elaborate scams before. Doesn't make your situation a scam but - if he is going to charge for adultery, why hasn't he?

I'd take the sensible option - cut and run. And if anyone calls you a coward, then they haven't got a clue.

Hell must have frozen over as we never normally agree on anything!!

You are absolutely spot on with your advice to cut and run: it is the only sensible option but in saying that, I am not forgetting the investment James has made in this relationship: emotional as well as financial. And yes, anyone who calls James a coward or accuses him of being insensitive, they really don't have a clue what they are talking about and, unless they have gone through the same experience, they have absolutely no right to carp or criticise.

I have read the contary, the UK govt are advertising that they have made it easier in the past 12months for UK Visitor Visas being awarded to Filipinos.. Either way we shall see soon enough when we apply.. In regards to the reason we might be rejected, we were not planning on putting those exact reasons on the forms....

Please thank your wife for her insight and imput. I can see that these series of events could very well be those followed with a couple trying to pull off a scam. But I guess you would need to know all of the people involved and a lot more details to be able to make that judgement for sure. I have, over the years I have known her, had many opportunities to check things out without her even necessarily being aware of it. At the beginning of our relationship I was as suspicious as any sensible person would be. For a start, we did not meet on any dating website, we simply met thru facebook. I was working in the UK, and happened to have a colleague from the Philippines. I added him on facebook, and a few months later happened to comment on a photo he shared. She did too and we just got chatting from there.. Not that this would definitely rule out a scam.. I have also on occasions had help from this friend, to translate messages from her husband and sisters, that I have found when being a bit snoopy on her phone (without her knowing). They are always what my wife says they are. In short, in 4 years, I have never been to catch her out, and not for the lack of trying. For someone or a couple to be able to carry out such an elaborate, long running, detailed scam over 4 years and never to have slipped up once, well, if this is the case, they are the best actors and most intelligent conmen ever! If they can fool me in such a way, well, they deserve the house!

I do and have considered very carefully the ins and outs of whether this could have been a scam, and I did not spend £25thou on a house, on a whim.. I don't hold it against anyone for suggesting it or thinking it, believe me, my friends and family have been more than diligent in pointing out every possibility... But as with anything, at some point you have to take a leap of faith I guess. I just wish I had been as diligent checking out the laws... The laws being so outdated and downright sexist and to be frank, wrong, I never once suspected that a seemingly not repressed country like the Philippines would be somewhere I would have trouble like this..

Life is what it is, I have lived in places in the UK where I ran the risk of having my brains blown out for a lot less than being with another mans wife...

This is one of the options we are considering... Thanks