Hello, newbie here, looking for advice on a number of issues..:)

If what Markham says is true then there's little or no chance of it going that far.

However, if what Markham is saying is true then what is the point in staying there?

If I were you, Id be on the next plane home. Id tell the girl - it's your problem, sort it out. If you want an annulment, I'll help you. Until then, we will meet only in HK or Thailand or Singapore for 2 weeks every so often.

I think we are all in agreement that the last thing we want is to hear that you are in a prison cell with 35 other people and getting only rice to eat.
I am planning on returning, until we can sort something out. Whatever the situation, I agree whole heartedly with this sentiment.. What good will I be to my family in a cell? I just came here to get advice from people who may have had similar experiences.. The problem that breaks my heart, is not only the fact of leaving my wife here alone, she is after all an adult and even thou it hurts, we understand the reasons. But the heart breaking thing for me is her youngest son, 2 years old when I met him, 5 and a half now, well, we are close. He calls me Daddy, and we are rarely apart, I am the closest thing to a real dad that he has ever had. Leaving him, especially when he is so young and won't fully understand why, breaks my heart.

Also, you only have her side of the story. Who knows, maybe she has cheated on him before. The thing is, when Markham made the suggestion you seemed to agree - so I get the feeling you have suspicions.
I would never say never, although I feel you have to make a leap of faith somewhere in every relationship... I have given reasons for my trust for her in previous posts... My reason for not ruling it out straight away, is my thought that maybe her husband is the one attempting to scam us both.... I imagine this situation.... He drops the threat of adultery on us, I take the bait and run... She is still left in the Philippines with a baby by me,.... He turns up at the door of our house when I am out of the picture, threatening to use the baby as evidence of her adultery if she does not play ball and let him back into her life and our house.... I can see why he would be willing to try for this end result. Whilst the baby is in the Philippines, she is basically at his beck and call.

It's not worth it my friend. Get home, get out of the relationship. If she wants you, she'll make the situation safer and do what she has to. If not, consider the future of your baby.

I really hope it is not a scam and all is fine BUT many of us have seen elaborate scams before. Doesn't make your situation a scam but - if he is going to charge for adultery, why hasn't he?
He hasn't before the pregnancy because it is hard to prove apparently... The baby makes it a cert that he will win the case... We really don't know if he has or not already, but my partner is close with his sister and parents, and they are trying to talk sense into him. If he does succeed in getting his wife put in jail, it will be to the detriment of his 4 kids, This is really the one reason I am not already on a plane back to the UK as we speak!

I'd take the sensible option - cut and run. And if anyone calls you a coward, then they haven't got a clue.
What people call me or think of me is of no relevance to me, taking the heart ache and pain of leaving my family (especially at the mercy of a character such as her husband) is much more a problem.. having to chose between this and a potential but not certain jail sentence is just being stuck between a rock and a hard place... I know there are no easy answers but it still rips me apart...

I could not have put it better myself, thanks Markham.. This is indeed the heartbreaking reality.. Having to chose between leaving my family or going to jail, what kind of a decision is that for anyone to have to make? And all for the 'crime' of loving a lady... I know the reasons, I know the whys and wherefores, but it doesn't make it any easier.

I very much doubt you'll be going to jail anytime in the near future.

How could her husband possibly prove (in court) that 'your' baby is in fact yours... without a DNA test result ?
In theory, it could be anybody's !

I wouldn't have thought it would be too easy proving adultery either.

I've been back and forwards to the Phils since 1990, and on Phils-related forums since the late 90s, and have never come across the scenario you seem to be in fear of. (Not saying it hasn't happened though, of course).

I have however seen several cases where foreigners have been killed, directly or indirectly (hired hitman) by by jealous Filipinos, or their own partners. That is always a REAL possibility.

You should know by now that the Philippines culture may as well come from a different planet, so it is pretty pointless looking at anything from a British point of view.

I've read of your plight young man, its not a good situation you find yourself in, get yourself a good reputable lawyer there and let him put you straight on a few things and you will know where you stand, you will sleep better at night.

Your situation is complicated and could easily evolve into a nightmare especially given that you are not holding all the cards and reliant on the good will of an ex husband.

The choice between going to jail or leaving your family is a bloody easy one to make, you will be able to resolve nothing in jail unless you have confidence in the corrupt justice system there in the Philippines.

Get yourself out of harms way and sort this mess out from afar.

Thank you for filling-in a few more of the dots of your story. The one thing I would definitely try to ascertain is how he found out about you and that your partner is pregnant, From the children or from her ObGynae or a careless slip by one of her family? I would suggest that you don't want him to know any more of your (joint) plans.

If you want to remain together as a family unit and maintain some distance - and a different legal jurisdiction - between yourselves and the husband, you might want to consider Malaysia. You would probably qualify for a residential/work visa under the Malaysia My Second Home programme and it's not that difficult (I'm told) for Filipinos to get residential visas - even if, initially, your partner has to pose as your house-keeper. If I were looking to move there, I'd consider western Malaysia (ie Peninsular Malaya or Penang); eastern Malaysia is far too close to the Philippines!

I assume your partner is the title-holder of your house. If their names are not already included on the Deed as co-owners, have her children added and instruct the lawyer to add your as-yet unborn child once he/she announces his/her presence to the world. Another option would be to transfer the Deed entirely to the children in Trust with their mother being the sole trustee. This won't make it any more secure for you but it should make it so for your partner and the children and hopefully prevent it being seized by the husband.

Good idea - every cloud has a silver lining...

Use all this as an excuse to get back to the UK

BUT before you do

Very quietly engage the services of a decent private detective to watch your girl friend and her husband... if after a month or two there is nothing appearing on the radar... start throwing away more money

There was an Australian ex-special forces chap who made a decent living from Americans (in particular) keen to keep tabs on their Filipino partners. But he is/was in Cebu.

I very much doubt you'll be going to jail anytime in the near future.
I very much hope not, although until it is a certainly that I shall not, I wont be sleeping very well..

How could her husband possibly prove (in court) that 'your' baby is in fact yours... without a DNA test result ?
In theory, it could be anybody's !
I assume as part of the case a DNA test will be mandatory...

I wouldn't have thought it would be too easy proving adultery either.
I was not aware of the serious implications of this law, therefore my visa applications all have my partners address on them, there are no end of pictures of us together and with the kids on various social media outlets, in short we haven't made much of a secret of it.

I've been back and forwards to the Phils since 1990, and on Phils-related forums since the late 90s, and have never come across the scenario you seem to be in fear of. (Not saying it hasn't happened though, of course).

I have however seen several cases where foreigners have been killed, directly or indirectly (hired hitman) by by jealous Filipinos, or their own partners. That is always a REAL possibility.
I shall take my chances regarding this..

You should know by now that the Philippines culture may as well come from a different planet, so it is pretty pointless looking at anything from a British point of view.
Thank you very much for your input

I've read of your plight young man, its not a good situation you find yourself in, get yourself a good reputable lawyer there and let him put you straight on a few things and you will know where you stand, you will sleep better at night.
Good call, I shall be looking into this.

Your situation is complicated and could easily evolve into a nightmare especially given that you are not holding all the cards and reliant on the good will of an ex husband.
Which is why we feel getting out of the country would be a good start, if at all possible.

The choice between going to jail or leaving your family is a bloody easy one to make, you will be able to resolve nothing in jail unless you have confidence in the corrupt justice system there in the Philippines. Get yourself out of harms way and sort this mess out from afar.
Easy decision logically, complicated when emotions get involved.. Of course I will be heading out of the Philippines to sort out what we can from the UK, but doesn't mean it doesn't hurt having to be separated from my family. Thanks for the advice, of course it makes textbook sense.

Thank you for filling-in a few more of the dots of your story. The one thing I would definitely try to ascertain is how he found out about you and that your partner is pregnant, From the children or from her ObGynae or a careless slip by one of her family? I would suggest that you don't want him to know any more of your (joint) plans.
He is still in contact with his 16 year old daughter on facebook and text messages etc. My partner also has many family members who she talks to online, and as I said before, not being aware of the serious consequences, we haven't made much effort to keep things a secret.

If you want to remain together as a family unit and maintain some distance - and a different legal jurisdiction - between yourselves and the husband, you might want to consider Malaysia. You would probably qualify for a residential/work visa under the Malaysia My Second Home programme and it's not that difficult (I'm told) for Filipinos to get residential visas - even if, initially, your partner has to pose as your house-keeper. If I were looking to move there, I'd consider western Malaysia (ie Peninsular Malaya or Penang); eastern Malaysia is far too close to the Philippines!
This is worth baring in mind as an option. Thanks for giving us another thing to add to the list of possibilities.

I assume your partner is the title-holder of your house. If their names are not already included on the Deed as co-owners, have her children added and instruct the lawyer to add your as-yet unborn child once he/she announces his/her presence to the world. Another option would be to transfer the Deed entirely to the children in Trust with their mother being the sole trustee. This won't make it any more secure for you but it should make it so for your partner and the children and hopefully prevent it being seized by the husband.
Again, something to consider which I hadn't thought of before. Do you happen to know of any good lawyers in the Lucena area?

I have to say that this was my first impression too. Not being endowed with female intuition, I dismissed it, but Markham has put the case very well.

If you're going to run, be quiet about it, and quick too.

On the other hand, should you have good reason for trusting your partner (and I have read your response), then you need to make yourself safe in order to enable a future for you. My instinct would be to get myself out of the country asap, and then bring my partner to wherever I landed.

But I would suggest that you get yourself along to the British Embassy or write to them to enquire about your situation. At least if they were aware of your case and the worst did happen, they might be able to respond if possible, in a quicker fashion.

I'm not sure I get your drift...

Well, so far the plan of action is thus. My partner has been using her networking skills, to get all available support from anyone close to her husband. She has enlisted her daughter, sisters, brother, his sister, and brother in law, both sets of parents and anyone else she could think of to message, phone or speak directly to him. At the end of the day, no-one wins from an adultery complaint being filed, except in the smallest way possible he might get a sense of revenge...And it impacts directly on his kids futures if he does so. We are hoping that this initiative works to at least buy us some time in regards to the lawsuit not being filed against us. As we feel that it is not a good idea for him to have this potential threat hanging over us for the years to come, for him to use against us anytime we disagree on something or he just wakes up in a bad mood, my wife is trying to arrange a family meeting of all above mentioned family members, including his kids, to try and talk him into agreeing to an annulment. If we are successful, this should in the long term solve most of our problems, except as mentioned by some people, the potential of a drive by shooting! My partner, who knows him better than most people perhaps, feels this is not really in his nature and doesn't take with much seriousness the possibility of his doing such a thing. She doesn't really feel he would go ahead with the adultery lawsuit, but it is too much of a risk for us to leave open as an option. We also plan to seek the advice of a lawyer here in Lucena, just so we can be sure we know the law inside out and any possible things we could do to help our situation.

So I am staying put for the short term, until the baby has arrived at least. Once he or she has made his / her appearance, we shall push to get all the paperwork sorted, and it is our plan to apply for a 6 month visitor visa for my partner and our baby. For one thing, my family and friends in the UK will be eager to meet the new addition to my family, as well as my partner. Prior to this I shall be returning to the UK to sort out possible accommodation for us if the visa application is successful, amongst other things. During this time my wife will be having the family meetings and personal meetings with him to try to secure agreement on the annulment.

In the long term, should our plan for annulment be successful, we shall attempt to see about getting married and getting her settlement in the UK.

I know there are many posts here regarding visitor visas, but they all seem to be regarding individual circumstances. I wondered, seeing as the wonderful people here are so knowledgeable and happy to share their experiences, does anyone have any advice for what to put on the forms to try to increase our chances of a success Visitor Visa application, based on my circumstances? Of course, any comments or thoughts on our other plans are gratefully received also. Also, is it possible, and if so easier, to get my son / daughter an UK passport from the UK, assuming we get rights to visit? Many thanks.

You could try getting her a working visa in the UK... was 100,000 peso up front when my wife was looking at doing it a few years ago.

However, things may have changed but I suspect you might find that an easier option - what do you do/what does she do - do you have a company set up in the uk or anything like that - maybe you could employ her or wangle it that way

My wife has her fingers in a few pies, here in the Philippines. I am on a visitor visa so of course cannot and do not have earnings. I don't have any businesses in the UK, although I have family members who do, maybe I could get her put on their books.. I have looked into working visas on the govt website and it seems the options are limited. However I have learned that when talking to professional law experts, there are usually loopholes available for exploitation. Just depends if the price is agreeable! I plan on hiring a Philippines immigration lawyer when I return to the UK for a short visit later in the year, to discuss all options. Thanks.

That all sounds good and sensible. Just a few points, however:

That may not be in his normal character but what about if he has a set-back, goes drinking with his barkada and relates his woes including the assertion that you have stolen his wife and children - and not only that, but made her pregnant as well? One or more of his mates, knowing you're a 'foreign devil', might arrange such a mishap as an act of revenge to cheer-up their mate.

Visitor visas are very difficult for Filipinos to obtain because historically many overstay so you need to be laying the groundwork for this now. She has her own house (one of the requirements), she needs a bank account whose balance is around Php100,000 at the time the visa application is made. She really needs a job from which she has written permission to take a leave of absence to visit the UK . In short, she has to convince the Home Office that there are overwhelming reasons for her to return on or before tyhe expiry of her visa; the four children she will leave behind won't be much of a consideration.

It makes absolutely no difference to the length of time it will take the Passport Office to consider the application which will be at least six months and probably closer to a year. All applications are electronic and you will be instructed to print signature sheets and send it and all the supporting documentation to the address that deals with passports for those born abroad.

Well, apart from the fact that he lives about an 8 hour bus drive away from us, so couldn't be a spur of the moment thing, he has know about our relationship for basically the 4 years me and my girlfriend have been involved with each other. I actually remember the first time I went to Manila to meet her, he found out about it and phoned my girlfriend, a shouting match ensured between them both. I intervened, took the phone off her, told him which hotel we were at, and invited him to come shout at me... Needless to say, I was still working on British mentality at that time, not aware of the violent crime aspect of Manila (and not much caring at that particular moment in time). Anyway, nothing came of it, he knew where we were for the whole 2 weeks, and we made no effort to limit our movements.. If this were to happen, its life... Im not going to give up my life and family over a threat of violence (which hasnt even been made yet).. Ill take my chances in this regard, as I have done on the estates in Birmingham and Manchester where I grew up!!

Bank account is no problem, we can transfer the funds at any time. She has no job to request time off from, we have a couple of . cars running as taxis in her name in Manila, and we raise pigs on our land, we also own a small property in Manila. All of which bring us in enough to live comfortably, with my not inconsiderable savings as a back up. Would this be enough to convince the Home Office we only want to visit the UK to show off our new baby to my family?

I wish to extend my warmest thanks to all who have contributed opinions views and advice on my situation. You have all been a great help. I may not be out the woods yet, but at least now we know which direction we are going. Thank you all. I shall check back regularly to update on my situation, if anyone has anything else to add I will be only to happy.

Just to wish you all the best and hope that it works out OK.

Good luck mate, I hope you find a way to navigate around the obstacles put in front of you