Hi all. I am so glad I have come accross this site, I will be reading through all the posts to see if the answers to my questions are there before I pour my heart out with the worries and concerns I have. I Live in Dundee, 57 years of Age, self employed, single and fallen head over heals in love with a filipino Woman Ian
Another Scot, welcome to the forum Ian I've got family just a few miles up the road from you on the coast, my sister and her grown up kids
Hi Oss Thanks for the reply, are you aware of any sort of help group / community groups for us guys to reach out to localy to discuss the good and the bad things? Apart from this forum which I am glad I have found, I feel so isolated in terms of gaining advice. I am not expecting someone to tell me everything! I am a firm believer in looking for the information myself, but where the heck to start lol. Would be nice to hear other people experiences, good or bad. But thanks for the Welcome, much appriciated! Ian
Not in your area Ian, not that I am aware of, I'm in England and will be for a few more years so I don't know the Dundee area that well. The issues with long distance relationships are many and not unique to British and Filipino people. There are many good stories on here and some horror stories and although our active membership is small these days the people here will give you honest feedback on any concerns you share here.
Hi Bigmac! A name I see come up a lot, so before I say anything else, its knowing that people like you, and the other helpers on here, who are willing to help others are to be applauded! I should first though seek the appropriate forum to let rip on my story? Ian
Malcolm very few forums here are hidden from public view, the only one I can think of is the "Toxic and Poisoned Thread forum" and I didn't create that for this purpose. It raises a good point we do need somewhere that is clearly and safely setup for members only for all members, a general forum that is not public but is for more secure discussions. Ian if you don't want things to be public just now post in the Toxic forum we will understand and we will move it once there is a proper area for such discussions. I need to fix this but it will be tomorrow at the earliest.
Hi, The only reason I didnt want to post in this forum as it is for introductions, I am not concerned about it being public at all. Just didnt want to post in the wrong forum, still finding my way around lol Ian
No problem Ian, post away Some people tell their story in this forum others go on and talk in the general forum or the Relationship forum. Totally up to you sir!
Ok... Ok, here goes… First of all can I say, without sounding like a crawler, I have been blown away by the warm caring and loving people I have met from the Philippines! I tend to think that if everyone in the world was as nice and pleasant, the whole world would be a better place! I am 57 years of age, been divorced for more years I care to remember, had relationships since, but been single since October last year. Never really intended looking for another one either. I eventually (about two weeks of chatting with many) met up online with particular woman who I really took a shine too. This was all just before the lockdown descended on us all. I did a lot of research on the Philippines, and their culture, and above all the ins and outs of dating a Filipina, so I know the risks, I have heard all about the scams, but also about all the very successful ones too. Things progressed very quickly and we both left the site and to this day we spend hours a day with text messages or live video chats, and I mean hours. The outcome now is we are talking more serious about the future, I am aware fully on the whole visa issue and the complicated processes involved. And decided through about two weeks of research and chatting the following plan… As soon as the virus allows I will visit her and meet the family.. Assist in the Annulment of her previous marriage, (already started) Continue my regular visits to the Philippines when I can for 8 months to a year. Once the annulment is complete, will marry her there and she returns with me to the UK That’s in a nutshell, I wish it was as easy! I am fully aware of the work, documents and red tape to work through to get all of the above done. I know what I have to have in terms of evidence in the way of finances, and I think most of it is ok and I qualify. I suppose you will have gathered from all the above, although I do not have everything 100% sorted by any means, my research has been thorough so far. So I guess I am not asking for advice on one particular item, but merely a general “You are on the right path” or “Wait? What?” kind of answer. I am totally alone in this, although my whole family, and hers in the Philippines are 100% behind us, I still feel isolated and unable to talk (until now in this forum) to others who share, or have shared the same situation.
Me too, that was the one specific thing that endeared me to the country 16 years ago, the people. Genuinely spending hours per day is a significant investment from her, a good sign. You sound like you have experience of the country "Continue my regular visits to the Philippines", that's good that you have experience of the country it really does help a lot. You clearly realise you need to meet, that's really important, just be careful in the early days when you do meet, you sound sensible enough to realise this already. Personally I would not get on the marriage track until after I had met the person, if it were me I might also not be helping with annulment as that provides a huge incentive to that person to invest time in you. I'm not being negative and I realise that right now everything is hard in a long distance relationship, SARS-CoV-2 has ruined many a life this year, I for one am unable to visit my children, I last saw them on Dec 31st 2019 and was supposed to be back in April 2020 and December 2020 but clearly that's not going to happen this year and we all just have to hope we live long enough to once again see and be with the people we care about. All the best Ian, you will get more replies here.
Welcome Ian. you have a wonderful journey ahead of you. Where in the Philippines is your good lady from? Where have you visited over there? it is indeed a land of lovliness and contrast!
Hi Mattecube, I think I may have mislead people in my post when I sad i will "Continue" to visit, I have not yet been to the Philippines, I would have done so weeks ago had it not been for the flight restrictions at the moment. The day they reveal the lifting of flights to the Philippines from the UK I will be booking a flight as soon as possible. I know I am not the only guy in here who has fallen for the charm and beauty of a filipino, and I wont be the last, but even having not met in person we are so very happy. This must be common I am sure. Ian
Sorry I failed to add that "Jennie" is from Calapan City, on one of the Islands South of Manila, which creates logistic issues, but thats all part of the challenge ahead, for which i will rise too. Ian
Thanks I was undecided if you meant "you had been and would continue to go" or " once youve been you will continue to go while you go through the visa journey"! Either way you are in for a fantastic adventure and a wealth of kindness.
does the lady have any dependant children ? what job does she have--if any ? is she keen to come and live in the UK? has she ever been here ?
She has two children 10 and 14 year old boys. I have accepted the fact that I will become responsible for all three of them if wedding bells were to ring. She has never been out of the philippines before, so we have had many discussions about the differences and chages that she will face, the climate here in Scotland for one. But as she says, its the feelings of Love and a relationship that matters, everything else can be learned. And she is 100% looking forward to walking in the snow! That may last five minutes, then she will miss home lol. Above all she is very keen to come and live here, aware of the differences and willing to give up what she has for a new start. Its now down to me that not only works, but she is happy with it! Ian
do the kids have any contact--at all--with their father ? have you done the sums involved in bringing all 3 over--the 5 year settlement visa fees--the IHS surcharges--flights--other expenses. i would suggest about 30 grand. it will also mean higher visa financial requirements for you.
Hi Bigmac When you say 30 Grand you mean £'s? I have done as much research as I can and I have not estimated the costs to be anywhere as high as that, maybe I am missing something. Neither Jennie or her sons have any contact with the father apart from a few text messages, he has not been around for 4 years and has his own new family. So I dont forsee any issues there, but i am aware of the complications that could happen. At the moment I have agreed to pay for her marriage anullment, this is a scary step because of what the "real" reason could be. However, it was entirely my suggestion to pay for this, not hers or her family, if the suggestion came from them that I pay for it I would be a lot more concerned. That is a large cost to me I know, in the region of £2k to £4k depending on complications, and can take at least 8 months to a year or beyond. Without the anullment there really is no prospect of me being able to provide her and her sons a new life with me here in the UK. I will go through all my research again and add up what I think the overall costs involved are. Its a hard one, the love that is felt on both sides tends to make money irrelivant, and easy to say ok £30k no problem lets do it. But in reality, I know its important to know that following the heart is easy, doing it right is hard work. I choose the hard work option and all the time being alert. That last bit when I read it back to myself says I do not have trust in her, thats how it sounds, but I know I trust her, my gut says I can, she says I can. As this is the start for me in this venture, which i hope will have a happy ending, i will continue to post on here all the details I can so that other poeple can see how I acheived or failed in my atempt. I will work VERY hard to make it work! I will keep you all posted.
