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My so called sex life

Discussion in 'Personal Discussions' started by untoldfattboy, Feb 10, 2014.

  1. untoldfattboy
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    untoldfattboy New Member

    Hi Everyone,

    For obvious reasons I want to keep this anonymous and see if anyone has any experience to this. I've not posted before so my username will be fine. But any help would be appreciated.

    By the way, I like the fact this forum now allows for an anonymous section and the new design is a lot slicker than before. Congratulations on all those responsible. However, I’ve not written a post here to complement you all.

    I’ve been married a few years now and my wife and I have lived together pretty much every day since, I’ve been away on business a couple of times as I often need to travel for conventions and meetings, but those are just a day or so every couple of months. I’ve never cheated on my wife and I don’t intend to either, but I am not happy with the state of my marriage.

    My wife was a virgin when we met as she had never married before, though I thought this was just her saying she was a virgin – she actually was. When we first started to have sex, the first few times were a disaster as her ******l opening was literally closed for business, too tight to even enter. I lost my erection due to not wanting to hurt her and how she didn’t really seem into it. But after a few attempts, plus the use of some lubricants we finally managed a successful union. This was about a few years ago and since then our love life has gotten worse. At first it was once a week, then once a fortnight, currently I am lucky if I get sex once every month. I’ve even gone as much as 2 months without. Due to these constant rejections, I often decide not to attempt to try and make a move. Often for no other reason than the fear of being rejected once again, it really does hurt my feelings when she rejects me.

    Over the last year or so I’ve been putting on a lot of weight. Due in part to some injuries and also to how I have come out of the gym. I used to be a gym rat, weightlifting was my thing and I enjoyed the workouts. I know as I’ve put weight on my wife finds me less attractive and it’s a vicious circle because the more weight I put on, the more she rejects me, the more I turn to other comforts (pizza, kebabs, beer). Every other day now she mentions my weight in a derogatory manner, making fun of me sometimes and this is getting me down even more. I’ve always been a big guy but I used to be able to control it with gym workouts and I used to play Rugby and other stuff.

    I am almost 40 and my wife is over 10 years younger than me, I know she gets a lot of attention because she is very pretty, people often tell me how lucky I am. I don’t feel lucky at all. People have pointed out to her how different we are because I am over 6 foot tall and she is just over 5 foot tall, I am big and she is very small and petite. I think she is conscious of this and people have looked at us in the street.

    I try to talk to her but she is far too interested in talking to her family and friends back home through Facebook and whatever apps she uses on her phone. In fact, as I watch TV at night I can hear her clicking her iPhone as she types out message after message, but we don’t communicate much, if at all most days.

    Can anyone relate to this?
  2. Aromulus
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    Aromulus The Don Staff Member

    From a personal point ............. No.

    Welcome aboard, and thanks for being so open and candid.

    I am going off for a little while to mull this over, and I will come with my take on this, but at first impression it sounds like some kind of insecurity.
    • Like Like x 1
  3. blue_acid
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    blue_acid Member Trusted Member

    I hope I can relate but I can't.

    I don't want to undermine your sexual skills but maybe your wife got traumatized with how your marriage was consumed? I know of that situation where it takes time before the sex can be completed when a girl is still a virgin. It takes a lot of foreplay and her to be relaxed and enjoy the situation. Maybe you can just start to ignite the sexual fire by holding hands, kisses, romantic dates, making out then take it from there.

    As for you, use this situation as the catalyst to look better and be fit. Don't let yourself be down and be depressed and end up eating more. You already know that it is a viscious cycle and just need the willpower to go back to the gym.

    I hope your wife is a little less superficial though, putting on weight is not a reason to demean you as a person.
    • Like Like x 1
  4. Dave_E
    Online

    Dave_E Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    wtf has sex got to do with it?
    wtf has you putting on weight got to do with it?
    Seems like the main issues here are you feeling inadequate, and her having too much time on her hands.
    She should be looking after you, throw the pizza / kebab delivery menus into the bin.
    Make her cook your food, then being fat is her fault.
    Make her serve your beer, and complain if it is too warm.
    Why not get a facebook account yourself, and "be her friend".

    Good luck....
    Last edited: Feb 10, 2014
    • Like Like x 2
  5. Methersgate
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    Methersgate Well-Known Member Lifetime Member

    Umm. Seems to me that the two of you have set yourselves up in a classic vicious circle, which is only going to end one way.

    I strongly suspect that your wife is spending all day and all evening chatting on social media because she does not know how to talk to you.

    The trouble with "Relate" is that they don't handle the cultural issues, so I doubt if your wife would feel confident with them.

    Sex before marriage actually IS something that only a minority of Filipinas go in for - rather more men do, but a surprisingly large number of them don't.

    I'm no expert, but I know two people who really are experts in this area. Unfortunately they are away on holiday for six weeks, starting tomorrow as Jeremy's daughter is getting married in Argentina. If you can wait that long, it would be well worth dropping them a line, in just the way that you have done, here, anonymously, through Rappler. Alternatively, I'll be seeing them in London in March, so I could show them this thread, if you like.

    http://www.rappler.com/life-and-style/relationships/39483-two-pronged-husband-living-mistress
    Last edited: Feb 11, 2014
    • Like Like x 1
  6. untoldfattboy
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    untoldfattboy New Member

    Thank you. I might try rappler but if you can show them this then I get an alert on my phone.

    I've started a conversation today with my wife so hopefully we can get things out over the coming days. We shall see.
  7. Methersgate
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    Methersgate Well-Known Member Lifetime Member

    Tomorrow is an important date for Filipinas, even if they pretend it is not - a card, flowers and dinner...
  8. untoldfattboy
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    untoldfattboy New Member

    Good to know this. Thank you.
  9. Aromulus
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    Aromulus The Don Staff Member

    Valentine's Day............ Forget it at your peril..............

    Yeah, it would be a good start to a new life if you were to treat her to something nice, even reassure her of your feelings for her.

    Don't forget that she has left everything behind for you, and she needs to be listened to when she says something, it isn't what she says in itself, it is what the meaning behind it is....

    My wife, choses to talk when it is time to sleep, and i make a point in listening and try my damnest to understand what she means, because pinays, more often than not, go around in circles without hitting the nail squarely on the head, expecting us blokes to be clairvoyants.
    Try to communicate and let her talk to you, even if your eyelids are kept up by cocktail sticks.
  10. Kuya
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    Kuya The Geeky One Staff Member

    Sorry for hijacking the thread, but I think we'd all be wise to get those restaurant dates sorted, flowers, cards today or really early in the morning!
    • Creative Creative x 1
  11. untoldfattboy
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    untoldfattboy New Member

    Thank you everyone. I'll make some plans today for a nice meal or something.
  12. Maharg
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    Maharg Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    Yes. I think it's best to do something for Valentine's day. I did explain to Mrs M that Valentines Day is a load of old crap that's meant for school kids who fancy someone in their class but are too afraid to actually tell them, but the look on her face made me promptly back pedal with the words "just kidding".

    So I've booked a table tomorrow for a curry. And bought some Milk tray.
    • Funny Funny x 2
    • Like Like x 1
  13. Aromulus
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    Aromulus The Don Staff Member

    Not the most romantic food in the world.... but hey if it rocks your boat, go fer it....


    I found out that Thornton's never fails............

    But Osprey and Radley's are sure winners...
  14. Maharg
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    Maharg Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    Yeah, but I like Milk Tray so I can have some too.
    • Like Like x 1
  15. JohnAsh
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    JohnAsh No longer a member

  16. Cherryblossom
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    Cherryblossom Member

    Last edited: Aug 6, 2015
    • Like Like x 2
  17. bigmac
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    bigmac Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    i'm lucky that my partner and i enjoyed a fantastic sex life together--she tells me i taught her lots of new things. sadly--weve been apart for 18 months now--and my age is starting to catch up with me now.
  18. Timmers
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    Timmers Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    Make sure you get the loved one to the UK before you conk out bigmac :D
    • Like Like x 1
  19. bigmac
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    bigmac Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    i'll probably do that when she does get here--lol.
    • Like Like x 1
  20. Cherryblossom
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    Cherryblossom Member

    You both lucky then.
    Last edited: Aug 6, 2015

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