I thought at some point in time that marrying a Filipina would be an easy thing, regardless of the obvious logistical difficulties (travel costs, time away from one another, visas). By that, I mean I didn’t think the cultural differences would come to much, I considered the Philippines to be so westernised, I’d hardly notice any difference. Oh boy, did I get a rude awakening over this last year! Now, I’m not crying out “how my life is soooo wacked out right now”, in fact the opposite is more apt. Just last night, whilst I was unable to sleep, Joy turned facing me (in her sleep) and I found myself a little happier feeling her warm breath against my cheek. When I look at her sometimes, I honestly think she is getting more and more beautiful – seriously. So all in all, despite my occasional moan and groan, I’m pretty content with life right now and pleased I get to spend most of my days in her company. Could things be better? Absolutely! Is life sometimes a struggle living with a Filipina? You bet! But is it worth it? Oh, HELL yes! The one issue we currently have is sharing the internet, I wish I’d bought a laptop prior to Joy coming over as it would have made a lot of things easier. Not just Skype, but Spotify, Youtube and Facebook. Some of these things won’t necessarily be a Philippine thing as Joy is a huge music lover and can spend hours skipping through YouTube music videos quite happily. But Skype and Facebook are her links to family and friends at home and elsewhere, so they’re used pretty much all the time – literally. She has a lot of friends. So at some point we need to get a laptop, but that’s far behind a lot of stuff we are spending our money on lately, so I’ve no idea when I plan to throw that cash down.. But for those of you about to embark on a new life together in the UK – GET ANOTHER COMPUTER!! Trust me on this. I’ve also fallen into being the main cook, which can sometimes annoy me in the odd funny way. When Joy first came over she did that whole “I’m the woman round here so I’m going to cook for my man”, but after she got a job that meant getting home later than me, I just sort of got into the habit of getting home (which is about 8.35pm after work) and start cooking, because I don’t want to have us eating long after 10pm. I also usually do the washing up, but to compensate the flat is hers to keep clean and tidy. So all in all, I’ve got it good on that front.. So, you’re wondering “what’s intricate about any of this?” and to be honest, it’s the small things that are different with a Filipina compared to a British woman. Women are women, overall the problems we men find when living with a woman are pretty much the same regardless of where she was born or raised, the odd cultural issue comes up but overall it’s the same. One of those small things people might want to think about is there needs to be a space for holy statues, a small altar if you will. Every household I’ve ever visited in the Philippines had one of these areas where large statues of the Virgin Mary or a baby Jesus resides. If you’re living with a Filipina, expect one of these spaces to rise up soon. If you’re a devout Christian, you might already have one of these places in your home to begin with, but make sure there is a space for it. And don’t make that space in the bedroom! Another thing I’ve noticed in the Philippines is a lot of homes have a lot of wall decorations, this has also started to happen in our flat as well. Photo’s and artwork line the walls of our living room. There isn’t a space left for any more! Though I think this could be a Philippine thing, my mother was the same so I’m guessing it could be a woman thing, but I’ve got sisters who are more ‘minimalistic’ like myself, so I’ll go out on a limb and say expect this to happen in your home too. Other little things that will become minor issues are part and parcel of settling in. For instance, when Joy first came over I had to do everything with her, go to the GP to make an appointment, accompanying her on a visit to the doctors despite not really doing anything but walking there and sitting down. Joy didn’t like buying things in stores on her own, even after she got her own debit card (I had to force her on that one – a woman won’t leave a shoe shop knowing she has money to buy those new shoes). Those little pushes to help a Filipina settle into life in the UK make a noticeable difference to dating a British woman, but I also enjoyed them a little too. Overall, like I mentioned earlier. These are all small things, minor each on their own, but combined these issues need to be addressed. Personally, I’m very laid back, I pretty much give Joy carte blanche when it comes to decorating the flat, buying furniture and what have you. Other issues, I only consider them if I think I need to make sure Joy does something, or learns something (such as pushing her to buy her own clothes) and now, she happily goes out with a friend from work after payday and stuff. So I’m happy she has settled in (though she has some more settling in to do. But as for me, I’m a guy; I’m easy to please..
" The one issue we currently have is sharing the internet, I wish I’d bought a laptop prior to Joy coming over as it would have made a lot of things easier. Not just Skype, but Spotify, Youtube and Facebook. Some of these things won’t necessarily be a Philippine thing as Joy is a huge music lover and can spend hours skipping through YouTube music videos quite happily. But Skype and Facebook are her links to family and friends at home and elsewhere, so they’re used pretty much all the time – literally. She has a lot of friends." How about a tablet each on the couch together? Food has been our biggest source of tension....
Funny thing is, we don't really have any of those issues. Our main issues revolve around me having to communicate with my ex-wife because I have kids. She doesn't like that, but she copes as best she can. For chatting with her family she uses her phone. we also have a laptop and a tablet. It's never been a problem. We are both into music so we both enjoy it together. I like her music. She likes my music. It's good. We've been to a few gigs together and it's a good connection with us. I do tend to be the main cook - not all the time but more often than she does. Mainly because I need to make food for my kids when they are here so it makes sense if I do it. I'm fine with it. I often use a slow cooker too. If you don't have one I'd recommend it for ease. There's no virgin mary in our place. There is a statue of a naked woman though. That's mine. It's true about the photos, but it's fine. I'm happy with that and we do it together. Most of it is pictures of us, or from places we have been. There's also a signed photo of Rush. That's mine! She does like buying shoes. Women do like shoes, don't they! Why are women so in to shoes? I think she's settled in here really well. She says to me that when she first went in to the town she felt really wierd and foreign, but now it just seems normal. I don't really find living with her a struggle at all. We either get on great and are really happy or we're doing the moody thing. But the moody thing never invades into the good times so that's fine.
My wife is quite a fussy type of eater and neither of us can cook too well. Whilst I am flexible I draw the line at certain things like fried foods (just from a healthy eating standpoint) and fatty foods both of which rule me out of Filpino cuisine to a degree and also dried fish. By contrast my wife likes to fry a lot. She also has found it hard to adapt to British food although that is changing. Like I said earlier, it was a repeated source of friction though it has got better. We get around it a bit by her sticking to Filipino style lunches while I am at work and treating her to stuff from the Asian shops. A friend of hers' hubby almost forbids rice in the house. I am not like that. I do like rice though not every meal.
My wife likes those Toms shoes. It will be her third pair in two years (along with the others) when we buy her another pair in May.
Ah but are they signed? Got all 3 on the Permanent Waves tour My signed and framed Rush photo is much better than Mrs M's Beyonce poster! You still have that magic moment to come when the wife says those magic words 'I like Rush' then.
What a legendary tour and a legendary band. I am simply a rush finatic. My dream job would be playing bass In a tribute band but its hard get other players to commit to the hours of studio time. Don't get us talking about.lol we are way of the topic. Rush fans are finatical. Fair comment and life is permanent waves
What's the "dumb" rating for Kev? It's pretty much how it is for us. It was hard for us at first and getting better now. She does like to fry a lot and I try to steer away from fried food. Should I have stated that we live in perfect peace and harmony?
Well, my wife has been here 2.5 years. And we have had issues to work around. Things don't necessarily progress tickety boo, just the same as in any married relationship. I made the mistake of sharing an element of our "challenges", in my post above. There have been a few other intricasies. Bringing up a baby in a mixed race or mixed cultural relationship such as ours has led to a few of the "intricasies" that Kuya referred to them as. Probably not wise for me to air them for fear of getting the "dumb" rating again.
Sean is still in the "no stress life", relatively speaking. Wait 'till the kids come as you say John. That's really when you don't know your derriere from a hole in the ground. My wife has been her 5 years now......2 kids, yikes If it wasn't for ambient music I'd be walking around twitching like a nervous wreck
Firstly, may I say welcome back Aposhark. Along with Keith I have missed you! Secondly. Yes. There is always a honeymoon period after marriage. And then things settle down a little. Children do bring quite some challenge to any marriage. The cultural differences add to that. Talking of music. My wife used to listen to music all the time. Me too. We had planned to go to Tea in the Park or Glastonbury or similar but that isn't really possible now that our darling wee girl has come along. Its twinkle twinkle little star 24/7 now.
Clockwork Angels, surprisingly! I just got into it myself (first Rush album I've got into for a good few years). I just played it and she liked it. We are both quite big on music though.
