You've been in a relationship for quite awhile and you've talked about gettin married and settling down. What if you are not sure if he/she is not yet divorced and just separated? Helpful advice will be much appreciated.
Hi Jenny If I had my doubts about this sort of thing I would be wanting a full, frank & honest discussion with my partner. If someone says something that's not true that's a wicked deception - particularly in this context where emotions are strong and future plans being made. Total openness and transparency necessary - and if that person truly loved me they should be prepared to back up their claims with paperwork. Very sensitive issue but true lasting relationships are founded on honesty. Gerry
@Scotschap16 thank you, it was very helpful. Well it all goes down to the paper work right? You must love that person so much that even when you had that discussion that person still chose to deny and give you excuses but you still believe. I'm just talking in behalf of a friend.
Honesty is key, if its a British chap in question then they can show you the "Decree Absolute" which proves that the marriage is ended and they are free to marry. It would not be a good start in any relationship for someone to lie about their marital status.
Relationships must involve a degree of trust - more so ones conducted over long distances. There will be periods of time when the couple are not in contact so trust is required to reassure both parties that nothing untoward is going on. However, if for any reason one party thinks the other party might not be being totally honest - for example by claiming they were divorced and free to marry when in fact they were just separated - then it's definitely time for a serious discussion. Hope your friend manages to get to the bottom of the situation - and that everything works out ok. Gerry
@Timmers I know it's not good to start a relationship with a lie. Well, there we go then, all that person needs to do is to show that paper, but I think my friend's been asking for the paper since last year but until now, no papers!
lots of couples " shack up" together in the UK---in fact many couples go on to have several kids before they decide to get married--if at all. conversely--some married couples separate--for whatever reason---and dont bother with the not-so-niceties of a divorce in my case--i married--for the 3rd time--in 2008. within a year i realised i'd made a mistake---we talked it over--and she offered to move out of my house. but--at the time she was jobless--heavily in debt--and nowhere to go. i offered to let her stay---till she got on her feet again...and that was the situation when i met my--filipina girlfriend in 2011. 6 months later i came home to find wife had packed up and gone. never saw her for several months after that. at her request i filed for divorce late 2013--2 years separation with consent. all over by jan '14. she had no idea i had a girlfriend--but the girlfriend knew all about my marital situation.
@bigmac It's really unusual for us Filipinos that in the UK even if you're not divorced and just separated you can have a relationship with somebody. That's good that your girlfriend knows about your marital status and you didn't hide it and lie about it. Coz some people I know, they hide that they're married and worst is still married!
If your friend takes what he says at face value and they do pursue marriage, she will indeed find out the truth in the end. Either that or he will cut and run.
@HaloHalo I know, it's either they will continue and get married and that person will be honest or he will just run and back out coz he can't produce the papers.
Best to "nip this in the bud" as we say. If there is concerns, I'd like to think he'd show the decree absolute at the earliest opportunity if he's serious.
in the UK the feeling is--if a marriage has failed---and both parties are agreed on it--then a quick " no blame" clean-break divorce is the best way forward. the idea of the philippines " no divorce " rule---and an expensive messy long winded fiddled annulment is just a throw back to the 19th century. maybe in the next 200 years the philippines will catch up with the rest of the world---once a strong political leader can shove the catholic church back where it belongs.
As you say she has been waiting since last year for proof. Filipinas are sometimes shy at getting their point across so I guess he needs to know that she really wants to have proof. If he doesn't do that after being made fully aware of her feelings then she is at a crossroads and may have to re-evaluate their relationship. Her call of course but I hope she works things out.
@HaloHalo I think she's very straightforward with her partner. That's why I really agree that she might have to think and re- evaluate their relationship.
There is of course the added complication that someone who may be married but claims to be separated could simply fail to produce any paperwork. Presumably in such circumstances the concerned lady would have to start digging herself - with search requests to the relevant Registrar of the country in which he was domiciled. The system is computersised here in Scotland and providing you choose the search parameters properly (bit of trial and error) you can find information on marriages, births, deaths, divorces. I had to do this myself for my fiance's settlement visa application -- having misplaced my original birth and divorce certs. I ordered certified extracts of both - about £12 I think. Hopefully this won't be necessary in your friend's case but if she has a mind to play Sherlock Holmes the info (if it exists of course) is most likely available at the click of a mouse. ================ JUST REREAD WHAT I WROTE - YOUR FRIEND SHOULDN'T HAVE TO GO TO SUCH BOTHER HERSELF - THE ONUS IS ON HIM TO PRODUCE ACCEPTABLE DOCUMENTATION - NO PAPERWORK, NO RELATIONSHIP/MARRIAGE. Gerry
Playing devils advocate for a minute here. As bigmac stated there is the quick "no blame" divorce route but this can be expensive (I know lawyers milking as much money out as possible what a shock) maybe your friends significant other and ex do not have the financial means to go down this route,so they are waiting for either the 2 year or 5 year separation divorce which will cost a lot less, Just food for thought.
Are there any clues as to his status? For instance is he free to talk at any time? That would show he doesn't have other commitments.
To be fair I can't talk to my girlfriend all of the time i.e. When I'm around my son and at work so a little bit of flexibility would be required. Note: i've been upfront with my girlfriend about my situation and have been completely honest with her throughout, I'm just putting up a bit of a defence a expect to be shot down no offence meant or taken.
None taken just don't want someone hung, drawn and quartered without a reasonable excuse. But you did have a point though, hope you had a good day
