LOVE AND HELP WANTED

I am looking for a loving partner who will help me look after my 83 year old mother who needs 24 hour care, in return i offer real love, happiness, security, honesty, loyalty, kindness and a nice home in Yorkshire.

Seriously? without being rude, why not hire a nurse? or nanny?tsk tsk!

Whilst I understand that perhaps Nigel is in a tough spot - after all - having an aged parent who needs that sort of care must be a horrible experience - I can't bring myself to just jump in and blow fire. I have to say that this sounds suspiciously like a business arrangement - and therefore no-one involved in it should be surprised that 'love' probably won't come into it, but perhaps economics will.

It sounds like Nigel can't afford a Nurse, so perhaps he feels that appealing to some faceless, desperate but hopefully caring female from the third world would just practically solve two problems with one er.. transaction. Not to my taste, doesn't sound like a great deal for whatever woman would take it up, and made me feel strangely sad to read it.
Sorry about the posters mother. That's a hard spot to be in. Don't agree that this is the solution but.. caveat Emptor.

Because i would genuinely really like to have a loving partner to enjoy the rest of my life with, plus like i said my mother now needs 24 hour care which would mean having a stranger living with us that i would not be very keen on. Why should i not want love and help, i have a lot of love to give the right person.
Thank you for your comment.

I am sorry but I really don't believe that you need love , you made the deal clearly. Are you sure you want to stand to your point sir? Because I don't think you will find the real love and the right person in that way. I understand its hard to look after your old parent by yourself ,and I am sorry about it. But honestly, I don't think, its real love you are looking for here, you are looking for "unpaid nurse with benefits". Do you think any British woman would answer this ad? After all you are looking for love as you said then why not closer to home?

Hmm. This all seems rather unkind to the gentleman, who to his credit, has been straight and honest in his posts.

It would be interesting to know the reason why ANY British guy decides to pursue a poor 'faceless' Filipina from a third world country. Yes, THAT old Chestnut.

Perhaps some double-standards here ?

You could equally ask that question of the 10,s of thousands of ladies from the Fils on dating sites (no shortage of Filipino men lol) and every member here thats married or about to be

Hmm. And I can still remember people being very welcoming to women expressing they want to find love on here.

Well there is truth in Graham post I think that many couples would hope that they are together primarily through love and not to find a live in carer. My point was that the initial ad seemed to be looking for a nurse first, and a partner second, and although it is honest and up front, I don't have to agree with that! Not trying to generalise my fellow pinoy, but most pinoy guys tend to take their women for granted , and they want to have affairs and physically and verbally abused and treat us as housemaid, one of the reasons why I did not end up with pinoy guy, because I found thee real love and respect with my British asawa.

Well.. Given the quote concerning 'faceless' refers to my post, I'll assume that the remark concerning double standards is also partially levelled at me.
I don't believe I'm applying double standards. I sympathised with Nigel. I didn't criticise. I may not agree with such an
arrangement, but its not my place to dictate what arrangements may take place between a couple.
Marriage has always been somewhat of a business arrangement - it provides a stable unit for the upbringing of children
and because two people together can live more efficiently and cheaply than two people alone, it provides economic advantages. It would be churlish for me not to concede that a fil-western partnership does not give advantages to both parties that they might not be able to easily get locally.
The original post did leave me feeling a little sad since (and I apologize I don't mean to offend, I'm just trying to be honest) I read it as being a plea from a guy in a tough spot, appealing to what he perceives to be a pool of women in equally tough spots.

Am I being unfair there or misreading the intent? Maybe I am, but assuming for a second that I am correct in my reading, then, Would both of them gain advantages from such a union? Undoubtedly, yes, but I felt, and still feel, that it seems rather like a business proposal. I have no idea whether a partnership stemming from such a proposal would wind up being fruitful or not. My crystal ball is broken.
Although I don't agree with this approach, I would defend the authors right to make the proposal. Plenty of young, western women have found it to their advantage to marry much older and richer guys after all.
The phrase 'double standard' though seems to imply that the person applying such a standard must be acting in a manner similar to the behavior he criticised. I have an issue with that because firstly I was not cricising the post, and secondly, my personal circumstances and behaviour are unknown to the writer, and consequently, he has no idea whether I personally am using a double standard or not.
If follows then, that an assumption has been made on my reasons for being with my Filipina wife to allow a claim to a 'double standard'. Perhaps it was assumed that I needed an unpaid housemaid or nurse, or that I was simply unable to find a partner closer to home so I deliberately looked abroad. As a matter of fact, none of those assumptions would be true. I'm sure there are plenty of people on this forum who have grown as weary as I have of justifying their choices.
I'm sorry if anyone found my remark unkind. I was merely expressing the opinion that there might be a better way to go about finding love than this.
And, because I just noticed an additional post mentioning people being very welcoming to women - that's a good point. Would the poster have received the same response if he had been a woman?
For me - I can imagine being very offended if I saw a woman post an ad saying 'wanted, guy with house and money to look after me and my kids. In return I can offer love, company etc'. I'm not sure I would have welcomed that. I think it was the overt business aspect of it, that I personally reacted to..

Sorry, but some (including the OP) could easily interpret your response to him as 'churlish'.

I'm grateful to you for the above lecture, but I'm merely trying to say that there can be many and varied ways of meeting and forming a loving relationship. Let us not be too judgemental.

I believe the gentleman has made a very good start by being honest and 'upfront'.

If the original poster thought my remark churlish I apologize for that. Its hard to put across a dissenting opinion without being thought churlish or lecturesome by someone isn't it?

I didn't like the original post.
It is like asking for a slave
Ladies marry for love and not to be a full time carer.
Didn't we see a post like this before?

Culturally "love"(how to define) & "marriage " have only been together a relatively short time Women where until the second half of the last century still thought of as property in the UK

I guess it depends on how you interpret it.

If the guy is looking for a partner, but also has to look after his mum, then it's only fair to let any prospective partner know what they would be letting themselves in for.

Poor guy is probably stuck in a bit of a life situation that he can't escape from. Perhaps people are being a bit unfair on him by assuming he's looking for a maid/slave.

Perhaps it would be better worded if he said he was looking for someone but explained that this was his situation, rather than directly saying he needed someone to help, but it could just be that he hasn't explained it well.

Yeah I agree with that. Perhaps it just reads that way and it could have been phrased better.

But.

It also seems to me that there the choice of this site to communicate that, seems to imply that the poster might think that his best chance of finding such a winning combination is with a Filipina and not a British woman. Perhaps that's a tribute to the caring qualities of the filipina. Its hard for me to imagine a British woman agreeing to start a relationship on the premise that she donates 100% of her salary to pay for a nurse - which amounts to the same thing... right?

I feel that it would take a special sort of woman to proceed under that expectation. Maybe I'm just very selfish, but if I was a woman and I saw that, I don't think that's a deal I would personally sign up for.

I suppose if the whole thing hasn't felt quite so business like then I wouldn't have batted an eyelid. I guess the 'care' aspect is kind of like the elephant in the room. Difficult situation.

To be honest ,I feel hurt and offended ,I am sorry I didn't mean to judge or think anything bad against the one who posted original, I just cant move on, maybe I just misunderstood ,I felt a bit unfair,that just because we Filipina come from the third world country, I cant help to think that's how people see us, on the other side of the world. I respect everyone's opinion and to the guy who did that ads, it just sounded to me as he is looking for unpaid nurse. I think I am not yet out to the real world out there ,of what to expect and what to hear as being Filipina.

i see nothing at all wrong with the OP.

many of us have come to know that filipinas are very caring to their elderly parents----in fact care homes over there are almost non-existant--ive heard.

my fiancee has expressed a strong desire to look after my old dad--in our home. sadly i think hes too frail for that now. but it would make massive financial sense if she did.