How do deal with them Jonalyn's come in the form of not come online and not taking my calls I'm getting rather fed up off them and i feel that it's hurt the relationship I will go into depth when get home from work
This is happening with a degree of regularity.... You may have to put your foot down "with a firm hand"... I get some tampo from time to time, but usually, with Jet being here in wales with me, it isn't much of a problem at all, as I deal with it by ignoring it for a while and then she comes around and all is honkydory again... But when extreme distances are involved, such a thoughtless behaviour preys heavily in your mind, and it doesn't help a bit. All sorts of crazy scenarios start darting in front of your eyes, and although one knows one is allucinating, the doubts do remain for longer than necessary. So I am afraid you will have to read Jonalyn the riot act and promise her a good spanking next time you are over... Seriously, mate, I wish all is ok. LDR is a bummer, I know, I have been there. The main thing is not too read too much into her silence. All the best.
There are in my view several underlieing causes for Tampo for me the best would be when I can clearly see that I have contributed in some way at least then i can understand why im being ignored/cold shouldered/murdered lol etc For us I find tampo mostly occurs when there is a basic misunderstanding brought about by a miscomunication or by a cultural convention that I didnt understand (if I did I still might not go for it). There are Filipinas who use tampo or more properly sulking to try to achieve some objective and others who are thrust headlong in by some basic insecurity manifesting as jealousy often with a full blown invitation to catalise this delightful feature in some of our ladies The later can take the form of your S.O. saying whilst in the mall "oh look she is pretty huh" any agreement or even hesitation in saying "Who?" or "not like you " will serve my own view is that if a women needs this experience who am I to deny her? Treat it as time where you can do what you will without fear of critisism and await her pleasure
I had to go out with my work tonight we were supposed to be entertaining one of our Polish colleagues, I only got told yesterday that I was going to have to do this tonight. Now it's not a punishment, the boss takes us to one of the best restaurants in the UK but me being me will always tell Ana where I am, what I am doing and when I will be home. What did I get? "Take care of yourself" that is code for don't go with loose women, no nightclubs, no casinos! It fell short of Tampo though but was on the verge. RIGHT let me explain, my idea of real fun is to go to the pub and read my New Scientist magazine, seriously! Nightclubs? I think I have been in one or two in the last 25 years! I mean by that once or twice and usually connected with business! Casino? never been in one in my entire life until I explicitly asked to see a Casino in the Phils to try to understand what she saw in them? We are made for each other, really really made for each other but when we argue a week or more can go by because neither of us will back down and it is utterly horrible. I was never married, I spent most of my life alone so maybe I just don't understand women but really Ana and me have some dreadful tampo, the worst of it I react to her tampo with my tampo that's why it is so bad
I just hate it coz just make things hard to sort out if I've done something wrong maybe, I would not mind so much but lately they come out nowhere sometimes one minutes she ok and the next it one word answers or no anwsers when we were together manila it couldn't of been better we had great time and jonalyn was so caring and loving but since I've been back I don't know and I been treading on egg shells trying not to say the wrong thing
Im not much of an eggshell treader myself lol but we dont always know what our partners are experiencing on the ground ,sometimes a wierd text from a family member can throw them into a strange space and what we feel is we are being some how accused of some crime unspecified when in reality it was nothing to do with us. I try hard to explain to Jhean that the more she feels able to communicate everything thats going on then the bumps and bruises will get less , like every thing else its a process of learning to trust
Hi there PATCH, Wise words above from KeithAngel. I'm sure most of experience the dreaded tampo from time to time. For me it's nearly always a misunderstanding/miscommunication and mostly a cross-cultural thing. A Long distance relationship makes it much more difficult to handle simply because there is no realtime presence. You just can't get an eye to eye word in. I think there really needs to be understanding between you both on maintaining communication and also communicating any and all issues that crop up between any couple. If the tampo thing becomes a real barrier to a growth in relationship, then it's gotta be serious future together sharing time This kind of behaviour cannot be allowed to become a 'norm' Good luck no offence meant
Tampo Patch, Mate, you need to set the rules now… or this will go on & on & on….. … and eventually you’ll wonder why you ever got together in the first place. You need to tell her very firmly (on phone, or by email if she won’t pick up) that you are honest, true, loyal, loving, and really want to be with her….. but this tampo nonsense is hurting you. And you are not prepared to accept that. Give her 1 week to think it over….tell her in that time there’ll be no communication between you. Then when you call, you want her answer….. Yes, she wants to be with you, and will stop this childish behaviour …… or No, she cannot change & sees no future. …. and if the answer is “Yes”, tell her that you are holding her to this, and this is a new start for you both, and the problems of the past are forgotten. But also stress, there will be no return by either of you to these “dark days”. …. and if she doesn’t answer, or starts arguing, or says “No” …… well, I guess you’ve had a lucky (though painful) escape. Send my consultancy fee to the usual address
From my experience this Tampo is really a cultural thing. Not with all, but with a significant number. I reckon it's difficult to change such behaviour in a short time. It's going to need an effort on both sides, but more effort on her's. Just a long as the path is set, she understands how negatively it affects you and the occurances reduce, that should be acceptable. Just my 2 pence
It is hard you have to always remember that there always problems in the Phils and they often won't share the problem with you, the reason will be they don't wan't to upset you. It's not a good thing to live your life that way in constant fear of saying the wrong thing and as others have said you probably need to be assertive and get to the root of it now, I remember you had worries before you went out there as there were problems just a few weeks before you were due to travel. Tampo often requires you to be telepathic you may not have a clue as to why it's happening, I'm told that is a female thing not exclusive to Filipina lassies (thanks Dom ) trouble is because there is a cultural gap you might actually have done or said something that has provoked the Tampo but you now have the problem of working out what the hell it is, she won't tell you. I have certainly done and said some dumb things on occasion that earned me a large dose of Tampo and taken a while to figure out what the problem was. So yes you need to deal with it now, maybe a long skype or yahoo phone call as this kind of thing does not lend itself to text or instant messaging. If it is some kind of family problem that she does not want to let you know about then don't let yourself get roped into the problem either that's another danger.
Very true regards the point of a family event or issue of some kind. Communication is key and I think pretty obvious to most of us but I've tried hard over many many years to get that level of inclusion and still not totally managed it.
PATCH, If it helps, I can tell you I have been married for 15 years. Still, on occasions there is a kind of tampo, and usually related to some family issue that I have not been informed on. Why not informed??? Don't ask me. Having said that it doesn't last long, I sure it's just a vehicle to let me know all is not well in her life. She know very well that kind of behaviour upsets me, but sometimes she just cannot control it. Just wanted to let you know that oss makes a very valid and important point. Even after all these years I still cannot completely escape. Patience is a virtue. Take care
ah, the art of tampo... as a filipina, that is something we love to do.. not because we love our man any less, but because we need lambing... sweet nothings, a little bit of attention... but this is something that Filipino men would often do.. but for British men, who are essentially straightforward and frank, this is something that is hard to understand. my hubby and i had a long talk about tampo... the reasons why i have tampo with him and i told him what he must do when i have tampo... and he can deal with it now.. he also told me that tampo, for him, is a sign of insecurity.. that's true in a way.. so whenever he feels like i am going to a verge of tampo, he will then tell me: i am making lambing to you know so please stop your tampo... hehehehe.... anyway, i still have tampo once in a while, but he knows how to deal with it and i know how to deal with my tampo as well... treat it as the spice in your relationship... hehehe
Ah Florge some great points there and great adaptation on your part to the British Psyche. It does spice things up but because both of us are so stubborn we can end up going a week without a word and I don't mean while we are apart with me in the UK and Ana in the Phils, I mean when we are both sharing the same flat in the UK
thank you all for your insight and advise I did arrange to speak to Jonalyn today but things have got worst as she now told me the internet is being cut off coz she not been paying it which is so maddening coz only I ever insisted on is that she pays the bill for the internet and the rest is for her so she has money to spend on herself when i ask her why she not pay she paid for her brother baby christening and treat her friends I feel really let down that she not seem to care about being able to get online so we are able to talk and she each other I made cut back in my outgoings so i could support her, nothing I could live without and probably stuff i not needed anyway right now I feel like I've been punched in the stomach
Sounds like a serious talk about fundimental groundrules here Patch I dont know your relationship story so hard to comment with much insight but for me that one would be not let go able till resolved
tampo is very common loads of reasons too one main reason is the monthly ovulation of a woman..or the monthly period.. some get worst if ignore but let her know you are there and that you are listining to her mooning lolz and at the end of the day you will both laughing looking back on those days
