When a foreigner marries a Filipina, he looks after the whole family

To what extent do you agree or disagree to that chaps?

We don't agree. Adults should not need 'looking after' .
In our house we are willing to help people who want to help themselves, give a hand up - so we have helped my brother in law get an educational certification for his job, and we partially paid for a life saving operation for a family member - but we refuse to give handouts of money when people ask whenever the fancy a new TV or an electric fan or any of the other zillion things.

In my experience, a Filipina marrying a westerner is often regarded as akin to winning the lottery. References are made to building houses, buying cars and massive allowances.

If my wife and I had gone along with that, there would be nothing left for us. Regardless of unrealistic expectations you simply need to use common sense.

To what extent are Filipinos breeders, the erstwhile family member, a man with a cock, and is separated with two children, being a strain on the family - he has other children by scattered females, and loose and reckless he could make more, and you come in as head of the family and have to find an answer - how do you change his life and get him into a job. My
predecessor got him a diploma in hotel and catering, but he still did not find a job. He is 35 .............
Can I get him in the UK....... If he studies nursing and takes an English course - possibly ..... they will take nurses - would take three years plus. Could I get him into Spain - possibly.......then he can work as a waiter........ He like the food industry - so keep him in the Philippines and buy a franchise - put in a manager to run it - and he works for the manager ......... the list is endless, isn't it!

Disagree completely. Will help look after the wife's dad as we stay at his house free when we are over there but that's it.

You don't actually need to be head of the family and you don't need to find an answer. Let the ****er be. You can't fix lazy.. If you're foolish enough to invest money it will be wasted. Don't go there. Just make it clear that if he doesn't work that's not your problem,

We don't share our cellphone details and only sign onto a Facebook account once a month. That cuts down the endless begging messages. Its taken about 5 years to get them all trained but they are getting the picture now. Just don't get involved.

I support her parents £200 a month, the cleaner and assorted members of her community - a birthday cake here, an electric bill etc, a doctor's bill for a family and now the family get TB medicine free from the government. When my wife gets a job here -she will of course pay all that, as your wife is, Mattecube

Yes well that's all well and good, but my wife was a politician ......... by this time I've been there, had the experience and learnt along the way - I must enjoy it - if a deal comes in i might go there - help further. But these are the realities we all face in the Philippines......

Did you mis read my post we help her father out not pay the lot.

I set my stall out from the outset, I used to ask them!

My wife read this and said that this is why Filipino families don't have respect for westerners because they roll over and act as a money machine and an atm. If the parents aren't working and there are no other siblings to help then there's nothing wrong with a small allowance - but the cleaner and the bills and the rest - you're being taken for a chump.

Agreed we tend to use it probably 2 nights out of a 14 night stay mainly to see him and wife's sister only residents in the house wife's eldest daughter will meet us there with her daughter then off we go on our travels around Luzon and beyond.
We tend not to sit in his house for the whole holiday lots to see

My wife has been enraged and yelling and going on and on ever since she read this.

Now she's ranting about this is why westerners aren't respected and it doesn't help when people are sending money and paying bills and paying for cleaners.

She finds the paying for a cleaner particularly offensive - 'social who do they think they are?'.

She's a bit of a nazi when it comes to sending money. She's yelling at my phone as I write. Thanks a bunch.

The mother is 70 and the father is 80 - in truth when my wife works she will pay for all this. Since we arrived back in the UK I've applied for two jobs for her - she passed one interview, and two tests and is waiting for the face to face interview for the job. I do not want her to take a live in job.

Oh dear I just read this. A politician eh? You've got a set of wannabee socialites. Politician my &ss. If I was you I would put my foot down and get the family to contribute.

Nothing wrong with her working and sending some money back - but it's not fair if you pay all the bills and get no money extra for yourself and don't see any benefit from her work either now is it?

As I said nothing wrong with helping to support the parents but they probably get a pension and have other children who should be helping. It's not necessarily all your (or her) problem and you shouldn't accept it as being if it's not...

My wife has a house next to the port and she suggested she sell it for $65,000 to pay for these expenses and to help us. I told her to hang on to it, as I want to see it first. It looks a dream, but they have extended the port - she has a buyer for the property already, it has two houses and land. However she has to be home in the Philippines to sign. With Covid I am not keen on her going

The immediate problem is the brother - not who pays - so perhaps I could use your brains collectively to come up with a solution.....

Sorry. I think you re misguided. It's not your problem to solve. A 35 year old adult needs to steer his own canoe.

If I was you I would get your wife to sell the house, remit half the money to yourselves for your own benefit - and let her take ownership of using the other half to help her family if that's what she wants to do.

If I was you I wouldn't get involved. You will regret it. Do not make other people's problems your problem, particularly not lazy people. Once he gets hungry enough he will magically find a job.