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Discussion in 'Personal Discussions' started by Davidshush, Mar 21, 2016.
David, meet Erica. Erica, meet David.
I do love a happy ending.
Hey, careful! Erica's husband-of-less-than-three-months is already planning to state that Erica has committed adultery in his Divorce Petition simply because she sent an email or two to her ex-boyfriend. The very last thing she needs is any whiff that she might allegedly be a "serial adulterer"!! That's aside from any negative feelings she may have about men in general and English men in particular.
@Maharg lol, you made me smile haha. Introducing to David.
@Markham I'll be careful Mark, I was just looking for support group people who might going through pain and we can share experiences and help each other.
To be honest, with what I'm goung through right now, it doesn't make bitter about life...it feels like my heart grow more bigger, that I can accept people, specially the broken ones now up that I understand the pain they going through as I have the same pain..
Don't worry I don't have a hard feelings or bad image for All English men, I understand that there are some good Nad bad in every nation, just like a rottening tomato in a bunch of fresh one.
I'm still hopeful and getting positive, that maybe one day I'll find the right one.
The secret of success in a long distance relationship is to choose your prospective partner as carefully, and in the same way as you would any other relationship ! (IMHO !)
I think that anyone who confuses an exchange of emails with an exchange of bodily fluids is probably someone to avoid. (from both directions) In the long run, it's best to be shot of someone like that as soon as possible, painful though it might be in the short-term.
There are plenty of broken blokes in Britain who seem to think that all their problems will be resolved by deciding to find an online bride. Whether it be Thai or Pinay, it seems that some guys feel that their faults are somehow diminished because they have 'rescued' a fair maiden from a 'third-world' country. To approach a relationship from this perspective is doomed to failure.
Similarly, many Pinay girls are so focused on finding their western hubby, and so forgiving of 'cultural differences' that they push on blindly, even though they can sense that all is not right.
David has written about his doubts and I wonder if Erica had them too. It's easy to dismiss them as having 'cold feet' but everyone should assemble outside, fire drill and false alarm or not.
Patience they say is a virtue. (I am becoming more and more virtuous as the days drag by, thanks to the sterling efforts of the Spanish and British to keep my wife and I apart). However, I would encourage potential partners to just rein in the horses a bit, rather than galloping towards a marriage that already appears doomed.
Luckily for both, at least they haven't wasted half of their lives on a toxic relationship before their own particular house of cards collapsed. They can move on once they gather themselves again. Both appear to be picking up the pieces nicely.
Forget CFO. This forum should be a pre-requisite for all potential couplings. There are a lot of well-meaning people on here, and though the verdict might appear harsh to the lovelorn, I think the consensus is usually pretty accurate, and the support network strong.
The same thought crossed my mind today.
I suggest both parties chat privately and not in an open forum.
It might be better for some thoughts/ideas are deleted, Erica
I don't think you need to meet someone in order to become faithful to them. She claims she's faithful to the bf she has and she's never met him. In any case, you can substitute the word for something more along the lines of simply being honest.
I think it's perfectly possible to become emotionally involved with someone without meeting them face to face. You start off by liking them, then you learn more, then you like more. Indeed, that should be generating the desire to go meet them. And then after you meet them...then is it only OK to say you love them and you're boyfriend and girlfriend? What happens when you leave? Do you stop being boyfriend and girlfriend because you're not physically together?
youre in love with a figment of your imagination. she might well be nothing like you imagine her to be. real relationships are just that---reality--not fantasy.
David, I have a fantasy of winning the Euromillions lottery. I know exactly how I want my plush new pad to look. I know the brand new car I will be driving about in. I have planned everything about my wonderful life, down to the colour of the cufflinks on my hand-stitched shirts. I buy my tickets every week, ready to scoop the big prize.
But until they draw my numbers, it's nothing but a fantasy. I have no plush pad, no flash car, no hand-stitched shirts. That's not to say that I won't have them one day. But right now, I just have my dreams.
I hope you can see the correlation.
The Personal Touch:
At home, we can watch a football match on the TV, watch a movie on the TV, have a drink by ourselves, listen to music, make a meal for one....
None of these things can ever match what they are with other people to share them.
I'm inclined to think it is a wind-up also.
No-one can love someone they've never met, it is a ludicrous notion.
There wouldn't be tampo though......now there's a thought
I'm not saying it wasn't a fantasy or a dream, but that doesn't make it impossible or inaccurate. All my previous relationships have begun the same. Chatting online, starting to like them, having strong feelings for them(dreaming and fantasising), and finally meeting them. And the meetings have always been "successful". If I never had strong feelings for them then I would never bother to meet them. The fantasy has matched up to reality on a few occasions for me.
I don't think the analogy of winning the Euro millions is entirely applicable. There is no promise of winning anything when you buy the ticket. Do you play the Euro millions? If you do then isn't that admitting you think there is a chance of this happening? Why would you play a game like that if it's never going to become a reality? You could have the same fantasy without buying a ticket. Simply include finding the winning ticket on the floor or something.
Even when you meet someone you could still be in love with a fantasy. This can sometimes be why people cling to relationships with serial cheaters etc. As I previously said, sometimes love can be the triumph of imagination over intelligence. But that can happen even if you meet them also.
Of course love needs trust, communication, and lots of other things, but I don't believe it requires physical interaction. It makes it harder not to have that interaction for sure, but not impossible in my opinion.
I don't think simply stating "You can't love someone you've never met" is offering much in the way of a rebuttal of what I've said. It's simply stating your opinion against mine. I do respect your opinion and I appreciate you taking the time to offer it here, but I've put reasons forward for my opinion and so I'm wondering what reasons you have for yours?
I'm open to being wrong on everything, so anything I say is not something I believe is set in stone. I don't want to take up the time of all the people who have contributed here so please don't feel there is need to reply. Thanks again for all the advice and input.
This is so true of many Filipinas especially those living in the province and are from poor families. I can't really blame them especially those who are wishing to have a more comfortable life. But marrying a non-Filipino doesn't always equate to this. And it isn't just the cultural difference really. To me primarily it's also the language barrier. It's hard enough if one isn't a native English speaker, let alone both of you. This causes misunderstanding especially if one can't express himself/herself comfortably in a language that you both know. I've seen biracial couples eating together, lounging somewhere, or just walking. They're together physically yet they don't talk to one another. Filipina gf is in front of her phone. Western bf is talking to another western friend. Just sad. Ok, so maybe sometimes you both want/need to be quiet. But talking would guarantee that you get to know the other person more.
Hi David, to answer you, I suppose my motivation for taking time to offer my advice is born of altruism. I am wrong more often than right, so bear that in mind before you accept it. I would be happy to be wrong on this occasion.
But thinking back to the early stages of my relationship, Melody told me that she loved me within weeks of us chatting online, and I told her the same. You can't love someone who you have never met, never kissed, never even shared bread with. You can only be in love with the idea of sharing those things.
I went to meet Melody after six months. Like you, I don't have pots of money in which to dip my hand whenever I need some. If it isn't in my pocket, I don't have it. But I managed to scrimp and save and went for a week. And it was there, and only at that stage that I admitted to myself that my growing feelings for her were in fact love. We exchanged a pair of cheap silver rings as 'engagement' rings - her to stay faithful to me and wait for me to come back and marry her, and me to do all I could to make it happen.
That is your next stage. And (in my opinion) that is the step that you need to make before you can know that your feelings are true, and know that they are reciprocated.
If you think this girl is the one for you, then make a stand. Go and visit her, and if you get all the right responses, then go for it. Our advice on here is free of charge, and none of us I imagine, would take offence at your rejection of anything or everything we suggest. One of the members on here (CapasPaul) has offered you a free flight. You need to get a hotel sorted out - about thirty pounds a night should get you something that doesn't start moving when you turn the light off. You probably will eat well for around the same kind of money including for a couple of beers.
Ask her to come and join you. See how the relationship develops.
If however, you feel that you need to seek pastures new, then I refer you to my PM to you from a few days ago. I can't see anything morally wrong in going to meet several women, as long as you re honest about your intentions. You don't necessarily have to sleep with all, or any of them. You just have to click. 24-48 hours in close company with someone will give you at least some idea of whether you would like to spend more time with them.
It's a fantastic place to visit. So different, yet comfortably familiar in many ways. If I could get on a flight today, I would go without a doubt. That someone has offered you a flight is a wonderfully generous gesture to make, and one that I would snap up if I were you. But that, once again, is only advice. Sorry if anything I've said has offended you. I can assure you that it was not my intention.
This is a good advice,take tjis Dvid, someone is offering you a tree flight! Like you win a lottery!
You should try to see other Filipinas, it's an experience, go try, travel heals the soul they say.
I wonder if someone will offer me help in my Recognition of Foreign Divorce here in philippines. Lol!
This is pretty comprehensive, and details what you must do, step-by-step. It deals with a Japanese case, but the steps would probably be the same.
Hope this is of use to you