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is online chatting cheating?

Discussion in 'Relationship Advice' started by 2die4, Oct 19, 2015.

  1. Methersgate
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    Methersgate Well-Known Member Lifetime Member

    You allude to a game played with a round ball, I believe? :(:confused:

    My reference to revenge porn was just to illustrate a point by example.

    But certainly my snapshots have no artistic merit.
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  2. palmer-25
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    palmer-25 New Member



    Timmes

    yeah you are very true,,leavin all your families and jump in different world is hard then all sudden just this things all i see.it looks like he dont have respect.lets see if ill do that keep all the pictures of my ex. his private part after i married? do you think my husband will be happy???i know its no thats why i didnt keep anything. its just sounds no respect and i cant trust anymore.
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  3. palmer-25
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    palmer-25 New Member


    Aposhark

    yeah i know everyone have a past even me but it doesnt mean that you keep all the private part even if you are married now,what if the wife will do that would be happy to see them??? professional photographer and professional model is a big different from your real life,all of us have feelings to hurt.And also filipina is very different and very sensitive.
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  4. Methersgate
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    Methersgate Well-Known Member Lifetime Member

    Palmer-25 - I think you are quite right.

    As it happens my partner, K, has "unfriended" me on FB but that's quite innocent - she disliked me tagging pictures with her that went on her page. I know it's innocent because my sons - her stepsons - are still "friends" with her on FB!

    Would I like it if she kept pictures of her "exes"? NO I WOULD NOT!!!
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  5. ChoiAndJohn
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    ChoiAndJohn Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    I have to agree with @Methersgate on this one. I pursue photography for a hobby so I can appreciate the artistic value of photographs.

    Notwithstanding that, I would certainly delete or return any nude or semi-nude pictures that I had taken of an ex.

    I can understand the temptation, but I do not feel that it's appropriate to hang onto such things and unfair to both the ex, and also the current partner.
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  6. Timmers
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    Timmers Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    I think the saying "don't do to others what you wouldn't want done to you" fits the bill.

    Just put yourself in the situation where your loved one is either chatting or has fruity pictures of an ex, me, I wouldn't like it, the wife would be on the next plane back to the Philippines, at her own expense.

    Maybe I'm just being old fashioned.

    Its all being respectful to each other.
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  7. palmer-25
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    palmer-25 New Member


    Yeah It's a BIG NO. I don't know some guys it's just difficult to understand. :) well As of now I'm trying to forget about it but still it's always in my min. And now my husband and I we didn't share any online account. I asked him onetime. I said it to him, how you you know or how do I know if you cheat or how do you know if I cheat? He answered me that he trusted me so much that's why he don't need my password. And i ask him about his fb password he told me that it's his principles not to share his password even if we're already married. Now he wantz me to trust him? I don't think I can because he gave me a reason not to trust him.
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  8. palmer-25
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    palmer-25 New Member

    Timber

    You are very true even me I really wanted to go back to Philippine but that time I just arrived here 1 month ago I don't have friends close where we live, no money to fly back to Philippine if I have then maybe I'm gone now and left my husband.what I did is I run away and went to my friends in Oxford I never try to ride a train before I don't know where to go but then I learned because of my anger.it's just to hard to adjust and to understand especially in Philippines it's so different from here.
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  9. Timmers
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    Timmers Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    Lets hope that things improve for you young lady, its never too late to get your relationship back on the tracks.
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  10. aposhark
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    aposhark Well-Known Member Lifetime Member

    I have never stopped anyone I have ever dated from keeping their personal things, whether fruity or not, and I have never stopped anyone from talking or keeping in touch with anyone they choose to and this includes my wife.
    It would not bother me one iota if she kept personal things as she had a past before she met me, as I did, and that will never change.
    This is part of what I call respect - freedom to be and do what you want.
    I have never flirted with anyone since I met my wife and would never cheat on her, but I do draw the line on some things and my photos are one of them.

    What we do in our own homes and in our own marriages is our own business - there are so many people in life who admonish what other people do in theirs.

    Timmers, what would you do if you had children and your wife was chatting to an ex? Would you send her packing back to the Philippines and break up the family because of it and cause untold pain to your children?
    For me, when two adults make the momentous decision to have children then it is imperative that our decisions are no longer just about how we feel. The family nucleus should be preserved at all costs and we all have the tools to be able to solve whatever is put in our paths to achieve this.
    Last edited: Feb 25, 2016
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  11. aposhark
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    aposhark Well-Known Member Lifetime Member

    I would accept her being the way she is and I would expect her to be the same way with me.
    BTW, English people are also very sensitive, the Philippines does not have a monopoly with emotions.
    Last edited: Feb 25, 2016
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  12. Maharg
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    Maharg Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    When I saw your initial comment I thought he had photos from since you have been together, but you say they are from before which isn't so bad.

    For me, if you don't like him having them then he should get rid of them just out of respect for you, but I don't see why you should lose trust in him for it.

    Also, why would you want his Facebook password? So you can snoop on him? Respect goes both ways.
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  13. ChoiAndJohn
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    ChoiAndJohn Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    I wouldn't want to break up a family over it but I wouldn't expect my wife to have kept naked pictures of her ex either. I wouldn't be happy about it that's for sure and I wouldn't expect her to be happy if the position was reversed..
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  14. aposhark
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    aposhark Well-Known Member Lifetime Member

    As Keith said in another thread, "it's good that we're all different".

    Some people have open marriages, some people like threesomes, some people are bisexual and some are asexual. Some people get offended when a wife wears a new revealing dress in public and some people encourage their wives to flaunt what they've got at every opportunity.
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  15. Methersgate
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    Methersgate Well-Known Member Lifetime Member

    And don't tell me what to do
    Don't tell me what to say
    And please, when I go out with you
    Don't put me on display 'cause

    You don't own me
    Don't try to change me in any way
    You don't own me
    Don't tie me down 'cause I'd never stay

    I don't tell you what to say
    I don't tell you what to do
    So just let me be myself
    That's all I ask of you



    Read more: Lesley Gore - You Don't Own Me Lyrics | MetroLyrics
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  16. aposhark
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    aposhark Well-Known Member Lifetime Member

    Exactly. Love is letting people do what they want - they always come back when that happens.
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  17. ChoiAndJohn
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    ChoiAndJohn Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    I see what you're trying to say, but I feel that there will always be a problem when one person wants to do something and the other person doesn't like it. I believe that a partnership involves compromise, on both sides, and that sometimes includes not doing what you selfishly want, when the other person would be hurt by it.

    It's rather akin to the notion of 'freedom'. 'Freedom' as a concept is all very well, just as long as people exercise restraint using it. Indeed 'freedom of speech' for example is not only curtailed by the law, but also by social convention and that is widely accepted as being the norm. There are some things that you 'just don't say' and there are other things that you 'just don't do' - at least not without agreement.

    If some people enjoy threesomes or the other examples you mentioned, then that's ok so long as both people agree with it. However it would be incredibly selfish for one person in a couple to pursue such a lifestyle just because they wanted to if the other person's feelings were going to be hurt by it.

    I'm also really struggling to think of a situation where it would not be hurtful to my wife for me to have lots of naked pictures of my ex hanging around. If the woman doesn't want them, they should go.
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  18. KeithAngel
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    KeithAngel 2063 Lifetime Member

    My phone doesnt have a password persay just a finger shape that the missus knows I dont mind when she occasionaly looks at my texts (more than half are to her) her phone is not accesible to me and I care not If I had any pics that I thought she would be made insecure by they would not be flaunted nor readily available Im freiends with all but one of the women Ive lived with and regularly in contact with two I have children with and another couple on social media all was clear before we married and she has met a couple

    Insecurity is a challenge if you project it outward but I never would add fuel to those embers
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  19. aposhark
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    aposhark Well-Known Member Lifetime Member

    I am not "trying to say" anything, I say what I believe in.
    I don't think anyone in their right mind would leave any photos that could make someone else uneasy "hang around". I mentioned this a few days ago.
    I don't subscribe to the idea that whatever a woman doesn't want should go, IMO that is being whipped, metaphorically speaking.
    Social convention doesn't really exist, partners in a marriage should not be swayed by what others do, there are only two people in a marriage and nobody else matters, not in my marriage anyway.
    Last edited: Feb 26, 2016
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  20. ChoiAndJohn
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    ChoiAndJohn Well-Known Member Trusted Member

    It certainly seems that way. :) I admire you for staunchly standing up for the right to upset your wife because of what you believe in. Fair play to you.
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